Where do I start

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Hey Dad!

“Miguel you have some issues to resolve… you have to start off by forgiving yourself and then your dad”… As these words keep playing in my head and I try to fight the truth, I came into this new day realizing I can’t fight it no more.

I didn’t really know you… I remember seeing you probably 6 times in my life before you were assassinated… I remember our last meeting ended in a fight… you never had the chance to forgive me; I never had the chance to tell you the way I felt… now you are gone… its been over ten years and yet its sad but I truly can’t say I have forgiven you nor forgiven myself for saying, doing and thinking the things I did.

I read the news from time to time and I hear of others being assassinated and immediately I remember you. It’s funny how people say great things about you, I hear my siblings and cousins tell stories about you and I can’t relate. It’s painful the number of times I introduce myself to people and they ask are you mr._______’s son?

It’s sad how I have allowed this event steal joyous moments of my life that most people cherish… I refused to walk on both graduation days because I felt it would’ve been too emotional for me. I will get married some day and wow! To think you wouldn’t be there to give me those fatherly words or even praise my choice of a wife. To think I’ll have kids and not be able to share with them stories of you or any sort of tradition passed on.

I love you though I never knew you. I miss you, though I never had you…how crazy is that?
Today I read about those that assassinated you walking around the face of the earth with their heads held up and because of my faith, I can only pray for them… Can you imagine the pain I feel? I remember the night it happened, I was walking into a hall with a friend… I felt something strange …I stopped abruptly and for some strange reason, I knew something terrible had happened. My friend tried to reassure me that I was wrong but we wouldn’t have to wait too long...lo’ and behold, morning came and the news broke.

Today, I make a change… I don’t believe dead people read but I believe if I confess it with my mouth, then I am free…

Dad I miss you
I miss the team we could have been together
I miss the things we could have done together
I miss the tips you would have given me on women
I miss the advice you would have given me about this cruel world
I miss the fact that I never got a chance to know you as a father or friend
I am sad I missed the stories I hear that crack me up
I hear you were funny but yet strict
I hear you were adventurous
Women tell me you were charming
My mothers tell me you were caring
I hear you were a giver
Men tell me what a good family I come from
Because you never took the home you were born into for granted
Forgive me because despite the great stories and reasons why you were never around
I refused to look at you in any other way but as my enemy
Forgive me for the things I did and said the last time we saw
I was just a kid back then
Like mummy said I was just as stubborn as you
Today I am full of praise that I had a father like you
I hold my head up high as I climb the status ladder of this world
Rather than aiming to be great to prove a point to you
I am going to be great to prove a point to the world
Though they thought we were done
The best is yet to come
On the final day, when this world comes under judgment
I look forward to seeing you… our hug is long over due

Adieu Daddy.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Enough to make my knees knock!

So i came across this on the http://harrywinston.com website and i was completely floored ... As a lover of poetry, photography and art, I just had to post this....Enjoy!

Nothing Perfect ever rolled off an assembly line.

Perfectly symmetrical, yes, and perfectly attractive. But nothing perfect.

Perfect is breathtaking,
Perfect is inimitable.

Perfect comes from staying awake until 2 am
deciding whether to tilt a stone one hundredth
of an inch this way or that.

Perfect is not rational.
Perfect is temptuous.
Perfect hurts.

Your brain doesn't know perfect. Nor you eye.
The only part of you that knows perfect is the
exquisitely painful way your heart beats in its
presence. That part was born knowing perfect.

What will you own that's perfect? What
impossibly beautiful thing awaits to become

Find it.
Make it yours.
Bring it out.

Because when you do, your perfection will make
the world's heart hurt.

Wow! how true this is....you can apply this to almost every area of life... Well folks, i am getting ready to leave this village and head on back to base. I have loads to touch on and two weeks free to do that ..so expect alotttt... How are y'all doing anyway?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Houston we have a problem.....

Hey peeps...Sorry I have been gone for so long... The past week has been hectic for me (will blog on that soon)...sooo what have y'all beenn up to????????? Ok first off ... I am well (like y'all care).. my eating regimen has moved from pizza and Singapore chow mein, to boneless chicken and a bar of snickers (man those bars are satisfyingggggg)...and finally, before you ask that perennial question, the answer is..I can cook...but my current situation isn't conducive enough for me to cook. (Period)!

Ok my people...what is going on? I mean what's going on with our generation? What's happened to our culture and traditions, our upbringing, our beliefs e.t.c. Rather than blog in the past week, I decided to spend more time viewing peoples sites and contributing where I deem fit and I must say as rewarding as it was reading about what people go through on daily basis, incidents, accidents and events, I came off troubled. Troubled because I see a dangerous trend in our generation...Troubled because I feel if this trend isn't checked, I fear for our children and those yet born...What are we going to teach our kids? Troubled because in a country where they are high on tradition but low on culture, we've allowed that affect the way we think and behave.

Before I delve any further, let me clarify a few things...in no way am I generalizing, nor pointing fingers...I am part of the problem and though some of you may think otherwise in regards to yourselves and the roles you play or some may feel they do not actively fall under the categories I plan to cover in this blog, I truly feel what affects one of us, affects us all...

One thing I always carry at the back of my head as I climb the various ladders in this country, is that I'll go through this country but I refuse to allow the country go through me... in other words, I choose to learn those things that would help in my growth but ignore the distractions ( or those things that are of no great benefit to my purpose)... I totally agree, that what we choose to learn will differ...I expect it to..because as individuals, we are different...but I believe our foundations are the same...regardless of the differences that exist in terms of our language or customs, the parables shared with you in Igbo, is similar if not the same to the parables shared in Yoruba... the underlying difference is just the mode of conveyance.

So I discovered my cousin, who is engaged to be married in a few months is being cheated on by her soon-to-be-hubby. This case is really bad because though he believes he has done a good job of hiding his affairs from his wife-to-be, the moron doesn't know his wife has been on to him for a while now.All her friends know about his escapades. This isn't a case of he said, she said...dude has actually confessed to one of his wife-to-be's close friend. He makes it sound like an illness that has n cure, rather than what it truly is...His lack of self control and his inability to think of the effect his actions could have on others.

I trust some of you are asking ...so what have I done? ...have I spoken to my cousin or to this chap about it? have I dropped signals? Nope Miguel has been QUIET! yup its not a typo ..you actually read it right... I can't imagine how you would see a pot-hole but still decide to drive your car into it...it amazes me...come to think of it....other than Nigerian roads, why would anyone driving in the US see a pothole and drive into it.... I guess its either that's the only road that leads to their destination or they are in too much of a hurry to avoid the pothole ...hmmm it could actually be both. So what would cause a woman to remain in a relationship that is clearly not beneficial to her ...other than she's concerned about her age as it relates to her ability to meet someone who would treat her better and the time it would take to meet such a person, peer pressure, because all her friends are married and dropping kids, she feels left out...I could continue but I'll reserve that for a different blog.

Anyway she's been talking to her friends and gradually revealing to them (Like they don't already know!!! duh!) her suspicions...anyway one of her closest friends, happens to be a childhood friend of mine and she's sought my advice (the babe tried to hide the identity of those involved...she was shocked when I told her to cut the crap cause I already knew).."what? you know and you haven't said anything!?" ... duh!!! ... How did I find out you might ask...Well in short..Lets just say ... Never take a babe that isn't your woman to a wedding even if its out of town and involves a circle of friends different from the one you keep back in your state...The naija community is too small..in some strange way, we are all linked.

So why have I been quiet... I must confess there are two reasons why I have chosen to keep my mouth out of it...#1. I still haven't decided within me whether to sympathize with her or lash her (I'll explain shortly)...#2. If she wanted me to know, rather than talking to her friends, she would have called me.
The struggle between sympathy and lashing is as a result of the fact that she knew better than to get into such a relationship in the first place... when a child says I'll rather learn from experience, that child should be prepared to bare the scars that come with it... our elders say that what an elder sees sitting down, a child cannot see on top of an iroko tree.

How does this relate to my visit to other blog sites? simple!... so a lot of the stuff I have seen on other sites have to do with break ups, make ups, a partner cheating, not married but living together, e.t.c. Now since a family member is experiencing something similar, though I have elected not to speak with her about it until she requests my input, in some screwy way, I am hoping since our community is soooo small...someone reading this might be in a position to help her or someone else in this situation... the hope is that just as gists get to her, advice will not be far off either. so here goes

Unevenly Yoked: Yes I agree... I have no right to impose on anyone (if my future wife ever reads this ...Darling I have every right and I plan on using it, to clearly approve or reject a man my daughter brings home..God save her if she doesn't bring him home..ma be gi fun wan!) Some of the problems people fce in relationships are as a result of the hardness of their hearts... The bible clearly states that you should not be unevenly yoked...its for a reason... She's engaged to a guy from a religion that believe a man can marry as many wives as he deems fit for so long as he can cater for them all... what do you expect...that he'll be faithful to you and you alone? are you kidding me? for so long as the dude's religion permits him to marry as many as he can cater for, dude isn't breaking any law and as such don't go around blaming or tarnishing dudes name... you are the one with the issue... you knew right from the start that you two believed in different things and your beliefs come with different stipulation but just because you are in such a hurry to do God's work for Him, you decide to enter into a union with this person....Please save the crap that you were hoping he would change once you two got serious....the only difference between yourself and his past girls is the fact that you caught him at the right time and he has made a choice and that choice is you! As a Christian, the Holy Spirit is the only one able to convict a person and lead them to change... its no wonder the dude has the nerve to say "well she knew I was a _____ before she dated me"...now he is sourcing other potential wifeys and you say he is cheating on you? my dear he would only be cheating on you if his religion expects him to be loyal to one woman only... I don't care if he promised that you two would be exclusive... His promise to God out-weighs whatever promise he'll make to you. Be prepared ..cos I get the feeling you will be the "Wednesday" wife.

Another side to this is the fact that understand that as a Christian if you marry a man that isn't a Christian or has a different set of beliefs from what you have and he doesn't permit you to go to church, let me make it clear that since the man has covering over his wife, even if you carry ur two right legs to church, unless he releases you to go to church, your prayers could be hindered... you see our God is one who believes in order, though they are three in one, the Bible clearly state none can come to the father unless thru Christ...

Living together before marriage: Don't even say it! yes youuuuu... I am reading your mind... I don't care if the dude has given you a 60 karat diamond ring and has introduced you to his whole generation...you are not married to him and until you are, you have no business living together.... Youuuuu ..yes youuuuu....I can hear you .."the only reason I chose to move in with my boyfriend is because of the high cost of living in this state"...my dear pack ya bag and baggages and move to a state where cost of living is affordable or better yet..Don't you have a friend you can live with?... its retarded the things people do...you once had a room-mate, after dating your dude for a few months or years (whatever!) you decide to move in with him...it feels right...hey..please allow me speak to your common sense for a second without interruption "if dude has agreed to your living with him, why can't he just marry you then...it doesn't have to be a big wedding or anything... go down to the registry and marry..even if its hush hush...then save some money for the white wedding...at this point at least you have insurance...even if the white wedding never holds, you two are still married...turn to him now and ask him about the registry option...see as the guy will evade that topic sharp sharp!...I once heard there's nothing like a free lunch...I doubt the economist that came up with that took relationships into consideration..cause mannnnn some are just that "free"! I know of a babe who moved all the way from her state, to another state to be with a dude...dude just got married this year and yup you guessed right...not to her! ... talking to this babe you can sense she's lost all hope ..she now has trust issues and she gets moody easily....added to the fact that she's regressed rather than progressed...another man is going to have to suffer for her mistakes (though if you speak to her, she refuses to accept its her fault)...

His load or his burden? which are you? cause trust me if you were married to him before carrying you two left legs to his house or apartment, he'll consider you his load... but here you are , you've moved into his place, using his things, crowding his space...you are a burden! why are you shocked when you two fight and he keeps referring to the fact that this s his, that is his e.t.c.... noticed that nothing significant is yours... all you have during those squabbles are reminders of how inconsequential your contributions are. Shame! ... I remember a dude that moved in with a lady who owned her own place and was doing well for herself... dude thought his six pack, fine looks, bicep and size 13 shoes would keep everything in check... well months later after the lady found a size 15, she decided to upgrade and in the process dude became stranded... "i always thought we'd get married" ... always, thought, ..quick advice..if you ever have to use those two words together, more than likely the situation is not in your favor... anyway 4 years on, no one has heard from the dude... i bumped into a ver close friend of his ...his side-kick when things were dandy...asked how dude was doing and the friend goes "D?...hisses"..may that not be our story. All i am saying is..build yourself..get yours... ensure that things are done the right way..when trials come (they will surely come) it will be almost impossible for him to claim anything as his in the house other than his clothes...cause everything from the couch to the TV ..to the house would have been a joint investment.

I have chosen to write about this three for now because as it pertains to my cousin, despite the warnings and advice, she chose to flout these three amongst other things... When you start to compromise on your beliefs, you start to settle... your criteria drops, people are able to exceed your expectations easily...and all you are left with is mediocrity... though i have no studies to prove what i am about to conclude with, but i believe that just as you settle for mediocrity, your self worth drops drastically.

If we were back home under the watchful eyes of our parents, could we do what it is we do here? could we live the way we are living here? I doubt that very much

My people the fact that its done here does not mean its right.... There are many ways that seem right but there's only one true way...not all roads lead to Alabama! (don't know why i picked Alabama but hey..hope you catch my drift).

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The art of cheating

"Ahhh i knew that guy/girl was no good...sorry he/she cheated on you...thats why i trust my man/woman..(s)he'll never cheat on me"! do me a favor ..if you fall into the category of people that go about saying this or singing about how perfect a relationship you have, kindly do me a favor...please follow the instructions below to the T.
1. Raise your right hand
2. Take a look at your palm
3. Now feel your palm (is it soft or hard?)
4. Ok now get some powder
5. Place some powder on that palm
6. Now slaaaaaaaaaaaaaap yourself Awake!

Thats what we call the pimp slap... i can't see any other slap waking u up the way a pimp slap would.
Before i go further, let me say this... i have cheated, been cheated on, know cheats, witnessed cheating. Let me take it a step further by saying both genders cheat. YESSSSS!!! you women reading this...i said it ...WOMEN CHEAT TOO! so rather than starting a gender war, lets talk about why people cheat and what can be done to curb such an act in your relationship.

1. Where have you built your house? Have you built your house on sand or on a solid rock?

The truth they say is bitter. Most people want to wear the pendant of christianity but refuse to abide by its doctrines. Most people at times when they want to declare their self-righteousness, find it easy to announce that they are saved but yet the lives they live and decisions they make are so farrr away from what is expected of a true christian. Please! i am in no means saying that christian relationships (dating the way its stated in the bible), is cheat-proof...as we all know even the sheperds (pastors) placed over us, fall. All i am saying is if your relationship is based on Godly principles, the probability of a partner cheating reduces drastically. Proverbs 5:23 says "For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life, to keep you from the evil woman (MAN), from the flattering tongue of a seducter(ess)." when everything about your relationship, the partner you pick, the way you relate, is built on biblical principles, chances are if all remains the same, its unlikely either party will cheat on the other...another passage that i feel rounds this up perfectly is Matthew 7:24-27..the story of the wise man who built his house on the rock and when rain descended (trials), the flood (temptations) came, the winds (distance, pressure, e.t.c) blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on THE rock. It also talks about the foolish man who built his house on sand and the rain descended (trials), the flood (temptation) came and the winds (lonliness, frustration e.t.c.) blew and beat on that house and it fell. And great was its fall. So tell me which house have you built your relationship on and i can without a doubt tell you if its standing or its fallen!

Now that i have shared what i feel is critical, lets look at other reasons...

2. Cheating is simple; relationships is work: relationship requires hard work and maintenance. The problem with people is, we crave a relationship but aren't willing to put in the work it takes. We are like pants hanging on a line...we blow whichever way the wind directs...for so long as we gain that instant gratification..yes..cheating isn't always about sex...it could manifest in the way we act, talk and the things we permit. A person chooses to cheat simply for that reason..its a choice! its a choice that most times comes with a willing and easy partner...it starts off with either a wink, a smile or a comment especially at those times when we are most vulnerable... think about it ... most times people cheat its during a down period...a down period could be at that point when you find yourself no longer as attracted to your partner as you once were, or when you feel your partner accepts you less, theres a lack of respect, desire levels drop, you aren't adored as you once were nor are you loved the same way you had been previously. Theres always that person out there who is willing to swear or promise to satisfy that which you miss and crave for...funniest thing is, most times the person is there only till the point when they are satisfied. Which leads me to my next point

3. How selfish can you be? People cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires...at these times all they think about is "I". How do I satisfy myself... oh man! Matilda has a sexy voice compared to my girl Peju or Check that dude out...he is well cut in all the right places...how "I" wish i could hold him or I like the way Chuks talks to me...my man doesn't talk to me that way...

A relationship is like a puppy...easy to acquire, hard to maintain! Women are scared that if they don't sleep with their man, someone else will...my dear..sex makes relationships complicated... most people that are really hurt when they discover a cheating partner are people that have given of their body... one adage i enjoy hearing is "there's nothing hidden under the sun"...yes what you do in darkness will come to light! If you feel you are out of love or just feel the need to play around...do your partner a favor...TAKE A WALK! its only a prisoner that remains in a place where they are uncomfortable, unable to move for lack of freedom.

A partner that is going to cheat on you is GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU REGARDLESS..whether you open your legs or not...so why not keep it shut, glorify God and at the appointed time, the person that will heal your wounds will be sent with that balm that healeth all...but remember.. you have to be in the right place!I'll stop for now because i trust just as some will agree with me, others won't...so here is an open forum to comment...Why do you think people Cheat? feel free to comment and i'll post peoples comments on here....

Let me conclude by saying...the fact that a person cheats does not in any way mean the person is bound to cheat forever...NOOOOO...it simply means the person is bound to cheat on YOU forever...so when a man or woman cheats on you, wake up and realize what the person is trying to say to you...."you are not worth the wait nor the patience"...I agree being a victim of a cheating b/f or g/f is painful but look on the bright side.. now you can focus your energy on something more important, like buidling yourself for the right person or learning about you. Yes you gave him X years of your life, how do you move on? what do you say when friends ask? how do you deal with the hurt.... I say ...if you sleep and you wake up the next day, it shows he has no say in your future...don't let him/her determine how you are going to live...choose to conquer....choose to be happy! good luck!


Belle said...
Good God, Miguel---you deserve a standing ovation for this post. Seriously. This post in on point..I think people cheat for all the reasons you've already mentioned, lack of a foundation based on the word of God, insecurities, and simply because they can. We live in a culture of instant gratification, where it is all about ME, MYSELF, and I, and cheating is a very selfish act.I wish people would just end things if they realize they want something else, however everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too..

Bijouxoxo said....
Oh boy, u're so on point with this post. I agree with everything u've said, and it looks like u've covered all the bases.When u're not satisfied with what u have and start believeing the grass is greener on the other side, is the main reason i think people cheat.Another reason i think people cheat, esp. married folks with kids, is when one party decides to neglect herself/ himself and starts focusing all his/her attention on the kids. It's common in women especially.Women that were size 4's or 6 when they got married, all of a sudden becoming a size 16, with ashy feet, unshaved legs etc. Men are visual, and if their Mrs. at home isn't looking good enough, they'll be attracted to that drop dead gorgeous Sisi in the office.Again i think people don't trust God enough to let him orchestrate their love lives. So it's a case of why put all my eggs in one basket?

Monday, August 14, 2006

One for one?

My people ...how una dey? yup i am back... I had a great weekend...i experienced quite a bit this past weekend and I was reminded of a few things i have taken for granted for a while. As i post this topic, i must say its an ongoing battle, whether to post the what i experienced this past weekend or seek comments on something that seems to bother a lot of people...

I'll reserve what i experienced this past weekend for another blog....

Well of late a number of people have asked me these questions "Miguel do you think there's only one person for each of us?" "do you think its possible to miss Mr. right or Ms. right?" "would you go for compartible or complimentary?"

I'll like to know your thoughts. What do you think? I look forward to your comments before i share my thoughts on these questions. Thank you in advance for your comments.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

How to keep a man Part Deux!!!

Ollaaaaaaa! I am back with part 2 of my write-up “how to keep a man”. I must say for the past week or so, it’s been tough for me to sleep…now I’ve spent the past couple of days deliberating as to why sleep has chosen to depart from me and I came up with this theory… Bijou won’t let me rest until I post part 2…so bijoustic ..here goeth part 2 enjoy!

Mr. Nobody today: A lot of women spend time looking at today without considering the fact that tomorrow will never be like today… for instance, the bird that took a dump on your car yesterday will not necessarily pick on your car today (rather it picked on mine!). I hear so many women talking down at their friends… “What are you doing with that loser?” “Ahmed is toasting you and you are doing shakara because of a man that isn’t headed anywhere…Ahmed drives a 760 Li…spanking new, Gucci from head to toe…even his toe nails were imported from Vietnam (so no need for the Vietnamese ladies to give him manicure or pedicure). My dear look past today… the more they tell you that, the more you should love your man…take him around and show him off to these same friends… Your today does not necessarily determine your tomorrow… I remember one church I ministered at and they had a guest pastor, who had the gift of prophesy. I remember the minister called out a girl from the crowd…I had noticed her (yes my eyes are WIDE open when I walk into church…you never can tell where you will find “her”)…beautiful babe…though I remember the hair she carried on her head wasn’t hers (that’s a story for another day!)…anyway the man told her that she has been diligent for a number of years now, dating the same guy, who her friends had put down, that he won’t amount to nothing …but that because of her steadfastness and prayers for the dude, God asked him to tell her that she should hold on cause the guy was going to be wealthy beyond her imaginations… I could tell what this MOG (Man Of God) was saying was true because as he started telling the story the girl broke down crying…I was full of joy for the girl…finally I had witnessed the story of a virtuous woman whom God had chosen to reward. Hopefully, when the guy makes it, he’ll not feel it’s as a result of his doing but realize it’s as a result of the woman he’s had in his corner.

Family relations: People find it funny when I say that, I don’t care how much I love a babe but if our families don’t get along, I am not marrying... Growing up amongst Nigerians and myself being a product of a polygamous home, I have witnessed how family squabbles can lead to ones destruction. Having said that, I have also witnessed and learnt from people that have succeeded how to ensure such squabbles are minimal or don’t exist. Ladies, when you know you are in love with your man and you know within your heart and your brain, that he is the one for you (not when you are considering Sam, Pam and Ugo)… here is the key to winning the battle even before it begins and also the key to winning your his love. Once you meet his family, try to warm up to them… if you live in the same city or nearby, make it a point to visit without your man necessarily knowing about it…if dudes mum is around, take her out…do those things ladies like to do when ladies do the things they like to do when ladies are doing the things they like to do together ( ha ha ha ha ha )…spend time with the family and let them get to know you on a personal level…understand the reason why you are doing this…if the man you are with is successful, has the potential to be successful, is the love of all his family members, is the last kid or first son, all of the above or some of the above, you have to understand that the family will feel threatened if all of a sudden his emotions and source of happiness is no longer necessarily them but has become you…by hanging out with them and spending quality time with them, its appeases them, which invariably leads them to a point where you are no longer considered a threat but rather one of them… trust me a family that knows you well before the marriage because of the love you show them, will be your support in times of trouble. (Forget about hanging out with Moji this weekend… go spend time with his niece, nephew, mum, sister, brother e.t.c. ...Moji will be just fine!)

The way it used to be: The minute you decided to date this dude, you were saying to yourself and the world that this is a new beginning, a new day…old things have passed away …new things have been born. By choosing to date this dude, you are saying he is better than your ex (or else why did you stop dating your ex or why would you choose to regress rather than progress?). Men can’t stand being compared to other man…even if it’s a compliment, save it! A man wants to know that he is unique to you… he wants to feel like you’ve never met his type before…don’t go about comparing the things he does or doesn’t do for you to the things that your friends boyfriend does for her…they weren’t born on the same day, by the same person nor in the same hospital…so quit it! You lay your bed…NOW SLEEP! If you find it hard to sleep on the bed you’ve laid, kindly get another…there are many mattress stores around…sealy might be popular but it’s by no means the best… so clearly you have options.

Motivator: Other than the experiences of life, mans’ greatest motivator is his girl/wife.
A woman can bring out the best in a man or the worst…Pick one…you could choose to be Ruth or choose to be Eve. The greatest part of who I am today is attributed to God…but God worked through people to get me to where I am today… My mother and my ex were those two. Let me make this clear before I proceed; my ex and I are done! But like history, Columbus will always be remembered as the man who discovered America. Though he is dead and has been dead for decades, there’s a special day set aside to recognize his contribution… (nope! There’s no special day for the ex). Ladies a man can act stupid 9 out of 10 times and might forget important dates 9 out of 10 times but he never forgets those that saw him through his wilderness.

Supporters Club: Educate yourself about the things he likes…if he is a soccer fan, find out what club he supports (go ARSENALLLLLLL!!!)...you don’t have to support the same club he supports but the fact that you know about the sport or his interests and you’ve taken a liking to some level, is bound to floor him…now I expect the guy to do the same! Guys wake up ooooo …!!! The key to winning a man’s heart other than thru his belly (lol…egunje) is being an advocate of the things he adores…don’t show up at his place on Saturday when Arsenal is playing and ask him to accompany you to the mall at that particular time…trust me that’s recipe for disaster…if he enjoys synchronized swimming…lol…don’t switch channels to watch General Hospital…I realize how passionate you are about your soaps but trust me its never on the level of a mans passion for soccer… You’ve never heard anyone getting killed for missing General Hospital… but I am sure you’ve heard of people getting killed over soccer…Enough said!

Find yourself and he will find you: Enough said!

Personal time: Listen! I don’t care the lurvy durvy y’all think you have going…people need their space…don’t cramp his style… it leads him to feel u are insecure…or are you? Let him miss you a bit… trust me this builds a relationship …

Never Break up with a guy unless you mean it: I have noticed this nonsense of late… its become too rampant! The minute a woman opens her mouth to break up with a guy she’s opened a crack in their relationship…if a man cheats on you, break up with him … Yes he will come back and beg but trust me you are better off without him…cos one day he’ll feel insecure about that relationship and when he breaks up with you, he’ll BREAK UP WITH YOU!... be a woman that is firm in her beliefs…stand by your word…so before you utter those magic words, think…do I mean this?

FOOD! FOOD!! FOOD!!!: when I talk about food women laugh …they don’t know that there lies the secret of how to keep a man… a woman that can cook is not only appreciated by her man but also his friends… trust me don’t be deceived ..if his friends eat your food and they sincerely sing your praise (most times this happens, its amongst the boys)…. Once the boys confirm your cooking skills, some bulb lights up in the mans head… he’s got bragging rights… any man that tells you he doesn’t enjoy knowing that he has bragging rights is a LIAR…please pray for him!...Fathers brag about their kids that do extremely well… read the book of Job…God was proud of JOB…If you can’t cook, please please! Please!...learn …if I could learn how to cook, then I see no reason why you as a woman shouldn’t be open to learning…The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…ahhhhh…its time to call my mum… I need some home cooking!

To the ladies out there that have read this…I pray that God gives you a man that would love you in a way no man has ever loved you before… I pray that He will shine His light on you… give you insights into your role and what His expectations are of you… You’ve been given enviable positions…He made you receptors….he gave you instincts that are way more precise than most men…I pray that as you walk through this life and until you meet the man whom He has ordained for you, that your flesh will be subdued …that your relationship will be a model on which many will come to know God. Remember He paid a price for you and I…its only fair we acknowledge that in the way we live and the things we choose to do… the pleasure of sex is for a moment ...ask yourself is it worth hurting the Lord just to please yourself? The God we serve is a just God; yes the bible says He is merciful but it also says He is a two-edged sword! ...most times men were destroyed in the bible (go and read it!), it was as a result of sexual perversion, fornication and adultery.
Father Lord I thank you for this time and I thank you for the life of this reader…Have your way in their lives…let your name be glorified in their relationship(s). Amen

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Why C for Scissors?

Well something weird happened this weekend that i failed to share...so on Thursday i called a cab from the office to take me to the airport...the company sent me a cab driver from somalia (this will prove to be important as i tell my story). Anyway on getting to the airport, the cabbie asked if i will be returning and if i needed a ride from the airport on my return...i said sure and that i'll give him a call on my way into town...anyway fast forward till today

So i called the cabbie while i was in Cincinnati..told him to pick me up from the airport (indianapolis) in an hour. Ok how about i get to the airport and i am waiting to pick up my bags, i call the cab driver he goes oh! that he is on his way and that he is 45 miles away...45 miles awayyyyyyyyyy? where in the world is this guy driving from...I asked him where he was and dude said he was on his way to pick me up from cincinnati airport....WHAT???

C for scissors- contd.

Ok i just got home...havent had a chance to rest and i think its best i write this before resting cause its still fresh... Yup the wedding was HooooooTTT!!! i mean that literally... The wedding was hot, the brides dress was to die for...the heat in ATL was something else...man i felt like i'd been thrown into a furnace....I gathered from the bible that Hell is a gazzillion times worse than this...if thats the case...Papa God abeg ooo write my name for book of life cos i am more determined now than ever before to make it!.

Ok so i took some pictures but i still dey learn how to upload the pictures on Kodak...once my technological-lagging person gets up to speed on how to upload the pictures, i'll put up a link.

Thursday Night: I got into ATL at about 9 pm, got a ride to the venue of the pool party, still dressed in my office garb (you all see the things i do just to bring y'all gist... ok ok ok ..i also wanted to see babes in their hot bikinis and swim suits)...I got to meet a number of people i have been out of touch with(I discovered from at least 10 people that i had gained weight) but in all i wasn't too happy with the pool party (too many engaged or married babes) ...the single ones either had a guy with them or talking to them...anyway i didnt stay for too long. Thursday night was uneventful.

Friday: Visibly upset at the number of people that made comments about my weight yesterday, i decided to walk. Chei! the sun was scorching... i walked for close to two hours on the road...walked to my barbers place and back!...lets just say i have found new respect for women i see walking...GUYs! its not easy oooo!....kai! i mean my hips were screaming...all thoughts of making this a habit vanished...i mean Zapped!... Anyway it was nice seeing my barber again. Just being on her chair, i overheard alot and i must tell y'all ..if you think when men and women have issues in their relationship its ugly, try lesbians...(my barber is gay..shes the male in a lesbian relationship)...i mean the two of them were attacking themselves...from the gist i gathered my barber is a pimp with scrubbish tendencies...when she meets a new girl, she moves in and waits to see if she'll meet another with more money or greater potential..at which point she moves out of the first and heads over to the second...anyway the kind of yabbies they were dishing at each other and what they threatened to do left me Praising God for all the squabbles i had with my ex and the fact that it never deteriorated into anything like this (i mean i need to have a pastor lay hands on my ears!). Anyway, back to the wedding... i got to the rehearsals late! i can't go into details why cos that would require another blog. Just from taking part in the rehearsals, i knew the wedding was going to be a blast...the church was a site to behold...HUGE!...man i didnt know that the church where you have your wedding could cause such an effect..so dia for... i have passed a decree...my wedding is going to be held in a church comparable to that where Juanita Bynum got married.. i mean the church was nice... if i was dating and i had been considering proposing to my girl, i probably would have done it right there and then (one sign of a good wedding is if in the course of the weekend, you've been to or experienced things within the scope of the wedding you are attending that has caused you (as a man) to even consider proposing to your girl). I got hooked with a girl i'll call "Emo" (i'll explain shortly).

Bachelors party: Man naijas tooooo do! i mean Naijas tooooo do! i mean ah ah Naijas ttoooo do! the groomsmen decided to have a bachelors party on a yacht in Lake Lanier ... the yacht sailed out at approximately 10:30pm...The DJ was extraordinaire, man the guy played every hit you could think of from the 80's to date... he even played some naija songs that i was hearing for the first time...now the scene was great but the babes were lacking...YET AGAIN! most of the ladies that showed up were either engaged or married (they sha had rings on their fingers)..most of the single ones turned me off with the amount of drinking they partook in... i mean these girls held their own...i saw the guys getting drunk but these babes chei! (in lagos we call them OGBOLOGBO) weren't shaking at all...i gathered i have been out of the social scene for a while but this the norm!... I don't plan on having a bachelors party when its my turn to get married but it definitely has to be something special cos on a scale of 1-10 i give them a 9 for the yacht party.

Wedding day: so the night before i had shivers for two reasons that i had shared on a previous blog... One my voice was still shaky... i couldnt really practice and even the notes i managed to hit previously, i could only hum them. Secondly, the question of the Ex just kept bugging me...Well all the groomsmen came together in the morning to reminisce on the good times..at this point it became blatantly clear to me as they tore into me one after the other, that my singleness was a matter of huge concern for my friends... It got so bad tat they remembered a time (about 4 years ago) when i actually made a bet with the groom that i was going to be married before him....funniest thing is back then...they all agreed with me but if you see the way they turned on me...chei it was like "face off"!
We got to the church, took some pictures ( i truly believe the official wedding pictures will be a sight to behold...the photographer had us posing in ways that .... hmm..wait for the pictures and see for ya sefs) Anyway after taking pictures and all, the time finally came..man you should have seen the groom sweating...nope it wasnt the weather...cos the church was fully air-conditioned..it was a sight to behold... i mean this is a dude i have known for a very long time, who isnt known to be emotional but here he was sweating profusely. There was also the fear that dude might cry at the altar and man we brought enough powder so that if he tried it we could pimp slap him (pimps feel if they slap you with their bare hands, they'll mess up the texture of their hands and so they use powder). The songs i had prepared to minister were changed last minute!... these songs required a high pitch and so as the groom was sweating, i was sweating for the groom as well..cos the last thing i want to be remembered as is "the only sour point of the wedding". Welcome EMO... Emo is short for emotional... i mean don't get me wrong the brides dress was and is about the best i have seen in my life. As the bride was walking in, i was trying to mentally work on the songs i was going to minister..out of nowhere i heard..sob! sob!!..sigh!!!..thinking one of the girls had a cold, i ignored, seconds later it became louder..at this point i felt the need to turn around to see what exactly was going on...how about one of the brides maid was balling.."oh my ...her dress is so pretty...oh my my its so beautiful...girl! i saw the same dress ..other babes saw the same dress...please calm down i dont need all these girls crying... Finally the minute came for me to minister... I'll let those that were there determine within them if the spirit touched them but I thank God becuase as i picked up the Mic, my voice gradually returned to normal and OH! how i worshipped God...after a while the chap playing the organ must have wondered if i forgot where i was ... But i give God the glory! (the bride later told me i made her cry...naa my dear it was the Spirit and not me...i was just an instrument)...

Apart from one other wedding, i must say a great number of people attended the church service..unlike other times when peeps avoid the church service and show up at the reception even before people from the church service make it there...(Note to self: Priorty seating will be given to those who made the church service... plan to hand out some kinda ticket or something so that these people can be distinguished from the rest)... I'll say it again ...Rhynas gown was off the Hook... I am really into fashion but i have never been one to differentiate or distinguish between a good wedding dress and a bad one but i can authoritatively say that her wedding gown was the best i've seen through the years! Congrats Rhyna and BJ..thanks for a memorable wedding!

Reception: Now this is where the gist proper starts... From this wedding and the others i have attended, i could draw many conclusions but i'll draw one that i have found to be really common and relates to where i am headed...HOOK UP galore!
I mean to my left a guy was being hooked up with one babe..to my right a babe was being hooked up to one guy and in front of me, a guy and babe decided to meet up at the wedding for the first time...behind me, pastors were on guard!... One of the advantages of being gone for so long and being out of touch with people, is the fact that when you do re-appear, most times people are genuinely excited to see you... strangers looking from the outside perceive you to be either a very important person or someone really close to the family. I mean the number of hugs i got and introductions were out of this world...hold up!...could it be that people were introducing me out of pity? "yeah let me introduce you to the only bachelor left"... anyway i decided to spend most of my time there with friends i had known for a long time or with family... it got so bad that one of the pastors observing actually left her table, walked all the way to the dance floor and asked me to leave my sister alone and go talk to some other ladies... noticed a few looks but being the shy guy that i am i couldnt move on them and besides.... i made a decision that i won't jump at a babe just because she was pretty and gave me the green light... Anyway a girl actually walked up and got my phone number, which i willingly gave to her...( she was hot oooo and funny...)... got introduced to a few, one of which was a babe(lets call her IJE) i had been introduced to previously but i wasnt interested in..why? well the night i met her she had everything hanging out and it didnt settle well with my spirit so i decided i didnt want to have anything to do with her...but my people...seeing her tonight, she was nothing but breath-taking... the funny thing is i didnt think she'd talk to me cause initially when they tried hooking us up, i had hooked her up with a friend of mine..(yup i know thats a harsh thing to do but i'd rather not waste her time and definitely not mine!). So our second meeting was actually refreshing...she had everything covered and she still looked great...problem now is...we spoke and i dont think she can handle me...added to the fact my sister feels she calculating and has a wild look..( lets just say all the while as i was dancing with my sister, i didnt know she was behind me staring and my sister caught her a number of times...funny thing is my sister goes" dude i think she wants to dance with you cos shes danced all the way from the other end of the dance floor and shes right behind you as we speak)... I'll let you guys in on the conclusion later...

Back in the Hole: So i finally made it back to my location. I am already dreading the coming work week ...so i got out of the airport and into a cab and got to speak with the IJE... yup this is definitely not going anywhere... we spoke for a good hour and its clear i should have stuck to my initial assessment of her... well i doubt we'll be talking for a while to come...lol.... as per the lady that got my number...i'll touch on her a bit..shes pretty, funny and witty...though she seems to have a rebellious spirit (trust me you discern these things)...The great thing is she has my number and i dont have hers so if she calls then we'll see how it goes but if she doesnt ...i doubt i'll miss anything...

The true Essence of a woman: People ask why i am so picky... This weekend gave me another reason.
While in ATL i spent time at my friends place...He got married about 10 months ago.. His wife is 34 weeks (i got to learn that the pros don't count it in months but rather weeks) pregnant. She heard i was coming into town, knowing my favorite dish, she prepared my favorite dish even though her hubby enjoys eating something different. So each evening she had to basically prepare two completely different meals...she refused my offer to help and went about ensuring that i was comfortable during my stay. I truly believe one way you can tell if your babe is a true wife material, is to check out how she deals with your friends...I mean this babe spoilt me to the point that i thought i was the one marrying her... so one valuable lesson i learnt on this trip and it goes both ways...when you marry a guy/lady realize that you marry that persons close friend as well ....if your wife loves her friend dearly, show that friend that you equally respect her ..it goes to show you value your wives assessment of people and friendship. She truly showed me what it means when people say "Mi casa esu casa"...

In all i had a great time in Atlanta...the women remain beautiful, though i still worry if they are grounded and broken enough to be considered ready for marriage.

I bet you all are wondering if the Ex made it to the wedding...NOOOOOOOOOOOO she didnt...lol
Guess who just called? yup! the girl that got my number...lol.......I'll keep y'all posted....

Saturday, August 05, 2006

C for scissors

Yup just got home (still in ATL) from the wedding...gist boku ooo... i must say it was off the hook.. i had a blast..make i rest.. will follow with gist shortly..chei wedding sweet ooo ... wish peeps could just get married for the ceremony..cos na every week me and my wife go dey marry....

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Life is a swing.....

Yes ooo Life is like jangulova....I mean depending on the time of the day, things could either be up or down. I must say i had an interesting weekend, not as eventful as one would have hoped but nevertheless interesting. The first couple of days this week have been eye opening more than anything else...I've learn't alottttttttt....so why not take a ride with me as we jangulova through episodes of my life this past weekend and whats ahead....

Weekend in Chicago: I need to let y'all in on a little secret... so i failed to share with you guys the true reason i went to Chicago this past weekend... I could easily say my church was having a picnic but that would amount to a lie... a "concerned" friend told me to make sure i showed up for the church picnic cause berra babes from the nooks and cranny of Chicago never fail to represent. So just not to lose out, having nothing else to do here and also the chance to mingle with the folks i have newly come to call my spiritual family, led me to go. Well let's just say it ended in dissappointment... I mean I have come to the conclusion that either theres something wrong with me or someone in my village is up to no good (i need to lift my prayer..) i mean my friend kept pointing at babes and all i kept doing was shaking my head...dude got frustrated at some point and the following conversation ensued

Concerned: what about her? shes doing well and she loves the Lord
Me: who? (I saw her clearly ooo)
Concerned: Her (raising his voice)...
Me: naaaa
Concerned: Naaa what? Nooo Naaa what? what more do you want?

"What more do i want?" great question...for the longest i thought i knew but now i have my doubts...could it be true what i have heard and most times denied all these while that i am vain? could it be that i am wayyy too picky or could it be the fact that even though i have shared with friends that i am ready to date again but subconciously i am scared? what could i be scared of? Please join me in pausing for 10 seconds ... 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0.....ok i am back!..had to go pick up my chicken wings...lol.... ok so where was i..yes... scared of what?...i guess i have gotten so use to my independence, unaccountable freedom that comes from being single, that i dread change!
Oh well...time will tell.
Anyway so the picnic was a blast... i took part in almost every competition... it was nice being able to show off my rather hairless legs (trust me i have tried using spirit to grow the hair on my legs ..its not happening!)... i mean i was clearly competiting with babes for "hot legs"... man i need to insure my legs...(i feel the hateeeee!)...
On a bright note, my Boy BBD got back with his ex and i am so happy for him cause when he broke up with her i told him what a mistake he was making...the girl is beautiful, smart and is just right for him! glad to see he finally woke up and has done right! now i have to work on getting them married in the next year ...ha ha ha ha ha ha ...more chicken...more dancing... more more potential babes to screen.....lol...( doing the shuffle!)...think of it ...The bridal train..ahhh i can see it now..... need to call him and sow the seed...how selfish of me! hmmm yeah i dont care..calling BBDD...dude answer your phone! NOWWWW!!!!
On my way back to my plantation after the weekend, those moments of pain arise! the pain you feel from being single...as the cab took me across the various terminals, i noticed loved ones hugging, kissing and squeezing each other...right there and then i realized some of the things i truly miss in a relationship...as the cab came to a stop i was hoping the cab driver would shed a tear or two for my sake but that didnt happen shoooot! these cabbies aren't passionate! all they want is a tip..what happened to "take care"..."fly safe"???? Man the next cab i take isnt getting a tip from me at least not cash!
Anyway Delta lost my bag...how can you lose my bag..i mean of all the bags to lose, its mine they chose to lose...yes they chose to lose my bag...anyway i'll blog on that some other time..lol...

www.rhynaandbj.com : I have a wedding this weekend in Atlanta and i am really looking forward to it. i must confess a certain part of me is excited, while the other half is terrified. Excited because i get to share such a special day with a friend i have known for years but terrified because i gathered the ex is going to be there and more than likely shes going to be there with her man. Now i hear some of you saying but you guys have been done for years now...yup i agree but truth be told i've never been in the same place with her and her boyfriend and so its going to be awkward. I also get to minister at my friends wedding...the problem with that is the fact that this weekend i lost my voice and its taking too long to return. The couple called me today to make a song request... funny thing is with the current state of my voice, i doubt i can hit the notes...so my people i welcome any advice! don't worry i'll return with loads of pictures...all i need to do now is find me a hot date and i'll be set!...(Note to self: dust up black book)....ha ha ha ha h aha ha h ah h ha h aha

Never judge a book by its cover: yup! i learnt this lesson big time and i mean BIG TIME! so i'll like to think i am a very observant and analytical bloke..most times after watching a person for a little time, i can tell a bit about their person, character e.t.c. I got to speak with a new friend yesterday...i'll refer to this friend as JUNE 31st. (don't ask me why!).. i must say we've encountered ourselves many times, but we've never had reasons to speak...well i always said if our building caught fire, JUNE 31st would be my first suspect!... i am always suspicious of loners...for the longest period i actually classified June 31st under the loner category ...quiet, reserved...always looking to the ground while walking...it bothered me most times we went by each other. I recently had a reason to speak with JUNE 31st and my golly! JUNE 31st is one of a kind...totally different from my perception...lively as lively could be...sarcastic with some of the quickest and wittiest lines ever! i mean i was always on my heels...June 31st practically controlled the conversation and called me out each time i went off on my random tangent (lol...yup i am special like that!)... anyhow i must say i was pleasantly shocked to see a few good ones still exist...able to hold their own, confident, funny and down to earth...had to induct June 31st into the Hall of the Kana family (yoruba for unique)... I will never allow other peoples experiences influence my interaction with people or judge a book by its cover...I wonder how many great people I've missed out on being friends with. (hmmmmm) Oh well I thank God for everything because once agan he proved that you are never too old to learn...He will always send someone your way to teach you or learn from you or both.

God is Awesome! I say this alot and i also hear people say the same thing all the time but i am grateful to God that He has allowed me despite my imperfections, experience His love, grace and Awesomeness! ...I am not allowed to discuss my work and as such i can't go into lengthy details but I'll try to share this testimony the best way i can... i hope and pray this ministers to someone out there...
I am currently doing my summer internship in some dead city, in a dead state! I enjoy my function but dont necessarily like the companys culture. I recently worked on a project that could determine the future existence of the company and working on this project exposed me to the politics that exists in corporate America. I tend to think I am a blunt and upright person and as such i tell it as it is...most times i get into trouble for doing just that... well this was no different...i went against my boss on this project..it got so bad that in the presence of a top member of management, this dude yelled at me and completely shut me down... man i was livid!... but i felt the Holy Spirit telling me to calm down..well i did just that...waited about two days and then called him into one of the conference rooms and really gave it to him... basically i made it clear to him that i wont be spoken to in that manner again and could care less if they offered me a full-time position with their firm. Lets just say after this encounter, things went from bad to worse, worse to worst and worst to Mogbe oooo... Anyway so today i had the dreaded performance review...i expected to be torn into pieces but the review i got was sooo far from it...i got raving reviews... they loved my honesty, passion and beliefs...its been refreshing...lol... Mighty God why do you love me so? I mean don't get me wrong they had a few complaints but the praises outweighed them and made them look inconsequential. My boss (we butt heads because he is forever challenging my assumptions and I am always eager to defend) also had praises for me... i mean Gods word proved to be Ye and Amen today...."when a mans way pleaseth the Lord, he will find peace amongst men"...I was credited for the direction of the project despite how many times my ideas were shut down...

To the ladies... i havent forgotten part 2 of our series "How to keep a man" i'll be posting that in a few days.

Live today for the Lord and watch him spoil you silly!...

I have to sign off now...Promise to bring y'all minute by minute account of the wedding in ATL and the fashionable ladies and gents out there.