Where do I start

Monday, December 24, 2007

Is she the one?

After my last entry, I didn't think I'd be making another one so soon but something came up and I felt I might as well share it on here while it's still fresh.
First off, as we've come to the end of another year, let me take this time to thank all of you for coming by my blog, making comments, sending me questions and challenging my views...I've totally enjoyed those interactions and they've helped me tremendously in my daily living and my views on life. I have made a number of friends...friendships that I know will last a lifetime. It'll be callous of me not to recognise the fact that I have also offended a number of people in my attempt to share my views and to those I have offended, I say without reservation, I am sorry.

So what's brought me back so soon? Well here is the gist

A friend (I'll call him Junior) is seriously considering dating a beautiful lady (I'll call her Pretty)... side-step (do you remember the group Junior and pretty? lol)...It's 2 am here and trust me coming up with unique monikers isn't as easy as you think. So you'll have to accept Junior and Pretty for now..lol...He introduced Pretty to me and wanted my assessment (I hear some asking is she a piece of land that needs assessment? lol). Thanks Junior for giving me a chance to share my thoughts on here and I invite everyone to chime in. As always I am going to be my usual self (i.e. blunt, direct and em em em...I forget the last one)

If you need my opinion
Dude if you need my opinion in order to decide if Pretty is the one...then She isn't! No man should determine where your heart should lie or with whom you should be in love with. If you've sought the face of God and He's told you she's the one then regardless of how your friends feel or what they say, it shouldn't matter. The only reason we run around seeking approval from friends is because we've failed to seek God's face. God should be the first and last word you depend on when finding a life partner.

What is her belief?
Prior to presenting anyone to God, clearly have the basics out of the way. For me, one basic question is...is he/she a believer? Understand that the fact that he/she is a believer in no way means they are without faults or flaws but just means when the going gets tough you both will have a common ground in terms of dispute resolution. When asked my thoughts on Muslims marrying Christians, my answer is usually NO. I truly believe a Muslim should marry another Muslim because they'll clearly share the same values and have a better understanding, which would hopefully reduce the amount of strife the relationship would face. If you find fault in this logic, then there are two passages in the bible that clearly back me 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 instructs: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” In Amos 3:3, we are asked "Can two walk together unless they are agreed?"

My family
It's funny how many people rush into serious relationships without taking the time out to ask their potential partners about family. Their family background, how they perceive family, what kind of family they'll want, the influence of family members e.t.c. Forgive me but we are not all from harmonious homes, some of us don't like a huge family and some of us can't sneeze without getting permission from our family. You need to know and be comfortable with her family because whether you like it or not, when you marry him/her you are marrying the family. The bible in Genesis 2:2 states " Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". If only this held in the world we live in today...I bet the number of happy, fulfilled marriages would be higher than they are now...In-laws with limited influence...But the sad truth in today's marriages is the fact that men don't have the backbone to stand up to their families in order to protect their homes and it's no different from some wives. So dude ask those questions NOW!!!

Soldier come, Soldier go!
Are your goals and plans aligned? While you are eager to move back to Nigeria, I doubt she shares the same sentiments. I know quite often we hear the church folks say "wherever the Husband goes so does the wife. So you really don't need to worry if she'll move with you". My thoughts differ completely from those of church folks. I believe each person has the right to live out their dreams, whatever that may be. The last thing I want is my partner to be living my dream because truly that is where regrets set in and frustrations manifest in marriages... I believe if she's the one for you, your goals and dreams will be aligned. So it's important you ask her where she sees herself, find out if she's flexible and understand her motivation (Yes ooo these days folks accept almost anything just to be married, in the hope they can change things around after the wedding).

Beauty and time
There are two types of beauty- the inner beauty (character) and the outer beauty (physical). Most men (myself included) are attracted by the outer beauty...most times we are willing to ignore certain "must-haves" due to how beautiful the lady is. In order to conquer this, I ask myself one question and remind myself of another fact... I ask myself "Will she still be attractive to me and the wife I desire if she were involved in a ghastly car accident? (yeah I realize the things I think about could lead you to question my sanity..lol) and I remind myself that other than my mother, Tina Turner and a couple other older ladies I've come across in my lifetime, beauty doesn't last forever!!! My advice is that you read Proverbs 31:10-31 ... the passage talks about a virtuous wife (virtuous-Morally excellent) and ask yourself if Pretty has those qualities...pay particular attention to verse 30 " Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."

Have you prayed today?
Last but certainly not the least...Probably the first thing you should do is prayyyyyyyyyy!!! God desires that you have the best in life. If she'll bring you joy (mark my words JOY not happiness ... happiness is but for a moment!) then that is the woman God desires for you. Pray and pray again for in time, if you are sincere about your desires and God's will for your life, he'll reveal to you whether she is the one or not. Matthew 7:9-119 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! "

I will end by sharing a story with you (Junior I shared the beginning of this story with you but here is the end)...I met a girl who met all the physical qualities I desired in a wife (beautiful, dark, sexy, smart and passionate about change in Nigeria). We got talking (conversation over the phone was top-notch) and then one day we decided we should meet up again (she lived in a different State and we hadn't seen each other after our first meeting). I prayed about it but for some strange reason, couldn't find the peace I longed for within me...Why? because I was too scared to ask the pertinent questions for fear that her answers might not gel with me. Oh well! I got into town and not long after, I started to experience what turned out to be the worst weekend escape I've ever had (no joke!!!). As she openly shared with me her thoughts on life and her beliefs, it became apparent to me that we were clearly from different worlds. As she spoke, I kept speaking in tongues under my breath...why? Because I couldn't believe that a babe that matched all the physical qualities I desired in a wife had such a different view on life...I kept hoping that as I spoke in tongues whatever spirit was controlling her would release her...lol..
1. She couldn't be in a relationship where there was no sex
2. She was open to her man cheating on her because in her words" All men cheat"
3. She had been a physically abusive relationship in the past and clearly believed it was okay... though she had learnt to fight back.
4. Believed there was God but He was only good to call on when one was confused
5. She was shocked I had booked a hotel rather than staying with her.

Even after she had mentioned these things, I still refused to budge..Why? Because my flesh desired her and was willing to ignore the vitals. Finally, as I took a cab ride to my hotel, I kept praying but I knew a decision had to be made...it was either I went after the babe and backslide completely or I trust God and let go of her trusting that He had someone better in store for me. As I got to my hotel, she called...I told her my decision..she asked if we could still be friends. I agreed but kept my distance because I knew my feelings for her were overwhelming and I could crack under the slightest pressure. A few months later, she started dating a guy I knew and based on her choice I could see them doing well together. Now if I had asked the pertinent questions like if she was a believer or not...would I have gone through this or taken her through this?

God has a special plan for you...even if it seems to be taking forever for that partner to come, waitttttt...delay is not denial! I'd rather be the last dude on earth to marry and be happy than be amongst the first to marry and be miserable.
Hopefully as you read this, you'll find a way to getting the answers you need. To those like myself going through the city of singledom, enjoy it! discover yourself and what God has called you to be...prepare yourself, equip yourself (like the 5 brides did as they waited for the groom)...for when the time is right, you'll look back and rejoice in the fact you waited for the right one and you made the right choice.

Disclaimer: All grammatical and spelling errors are the fault of a sleepy left eye.
Today would have been my dad's birthday! I trust you are resting in the bossom of the almighty.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Are you available?

As I sit here, I am filled with so many stories to share...A lot has happened in the past few weeks... some would practically leave you grabbing your tummy in pain from laughter but I just feel the season calls for a more reflective post.

So are you available?

I made up my mind last night to put up a post. I had so many stories to share..mostly revolving around what I'll classify as "general gist" but as I tried to mentally structure how I was going to deliver the gist, I kept hitting a road block. Immediately the question "Are you available?" sprung within me and within a matter of minutes, I had this post wrapped up. It's not the juicy gossip, I bet most of you are eager to read but it's a topic that I feel will bless you.

Friends, if you've been paying attention to the happenings around the world (from politics to sports), you'll realize that our mentality has to change. It can't be business as usual. There is the need to come under "new management". It's officially cool to be a christian. It's time we make our voices heard... the atmosphere is right to join the army of God. The time for small talk is over...it's now time to act!

As politicians and sport figures eagerly seek to establish some form of relationship with God, we can't but seize this opportunity to declare where we stand.

So today God is asking are you available?
It's easy to answer Yes off the bat, without giving it a second thought but as we celebrate this season, it's important we truly ask ourselves this question and sincerely search out hearts for the truth. In my talks with people, I've found that people aren't willing to join the workforce either because they feel they are not worthy or they are worried about how their peers will react. You hear people make comments like..."Ah mannn if you know the things I've done or what I am currently dealing with, you'll know that I am not qualified to work in the house of the Lord" or the all-time classic " you want my friends to laugh?". My people no man and I mean NONE is qualified to work in the house of God...it's only by the Grace of God that we find ourselves serving him and it's His grace that keeps us in His service. I tell folks that I am attracted to Pastors or teachers that share the word of God based on the things they've experienced. The "born-holy" pastors, just don't cut it for me. Psalm 118:22 tell us that "the stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone". I enjoy listening to those Pastors willing to share their imperfections, experiences, mistakes etc. and how God delivered them. It gives me hope and the energy to continue serving God...despite the bricks people fling at me.

By all accounts, Moses was a murderer. Can you imagine Osama after accepting responsibility for the 9/11 killings in NYC flying into the US for vacation? lol...Despite his record, God used Moses to free the children of Israel from the hands of pharaoh. God used a MURDERER!!!

I've read my bible over and over again and I am yet to find another man in the bible who condemned the word and the people of God like Paul did. Yet he was by far the greatest evangelist (other than Christ) to grace this earth.

Despite his temper, Christ chose him to lead His church.

My brethren it's time we lay aside our excuses...Ask the Author and Finisher of your life to take control...ask Him to give you the grace you need. Mark my words the hour is here when we need to stand up and be counted...He gave you those talents for a reason...to glorify Him! We've all been blessed with one talent or another...we weren't given this talent to bury them like the foolish servant but rather to develop and use them in the service of God. During the course of my travels, I've been to various churches and the overwhelming cries of Pastors are the lack of workers. It's amazing how much Pastors have to beg people to become workers in the House of God. My people beware!!! For the bible clearly tells us that God is not mocked...whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he reap. In the words of my mother, you can't sow pawpaw and expect to reap guava.

This is a good time for us to re-assess our priorities...

If you are willing to take that step...willing to join His workforce, just join me in saying this short prayer...

Father, I thank you for my life, I thank you for the experiences you've permitted me to go through. I thank you for the good and bad that I am known for. For your word says, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. I am renewed by your word. Lord, I desire to know you intimately...I desire to be one of your foot soldiers...I realise that by my power I'll fail but that through you I can do all things. I re-dedicate my life to you and ask that you take charge. I ask for an unquenchable desire to serve you. As the porter moulds the clay, I ask that you shape me into the man/woman you desire me to be. Father teach me how to use the talent(s) you've given me in order to do your will and stir in me a sense of urgency I pray, in Jesus name, Amen.

I have to rush off now...I have to be at the airport in a couple of hours...I flew into Chicago for a day...I can't believe I endured this cold for two years!!! Goodness!!! I went downtown to meet up with a friend...wore the wrong pair of shoes...found myself falling flat on my backside...Let's just say if anyone was having a bad day, my fall was enough to lift them...folks were laughing as they walked by.

I'll hopefully put up another post before Christmas but just in case I get caught up with the drama of living and I forget, Merry Christmas to y'all.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Marriage counseling

Why is it that as soon as folks get married, they become an authority on the issue of marriage. So there I was sitting by my laptop, surfing the net (as you'd expect a jobless man to do)..all of a sudden my Gmail chat box appears and a brethren that recently got married starts a conversation. The conversation went thus:

Concerned brethren: how are you doing?
me: doing well...u?
Concerned brethren: I am doing good. Are you aware our church has moved to another location.
(I occasionally minister in their church when I am in town)
me: I heard but I don't know the location
(At this point, he proceeds to give me directions to the new location)
me: cool...thanks a bunch. Congrats heard your wife delivered
Concerned brethren: yea, a baby boy
me: wow...congrats
Concerned brethren: I heard your sister is married too. congrats
me: yeah..
Concerned brethren: so when are u getting married?
me: when God permits like you guys He has to reveal the woman to me
Concerned brethren: God always permits, it is u that needs to decide. Maybe too many candidates...
me: or maybe no candidates
Concerned brethren: I don't believe no candidate. candidates are everywhere
me: yeah I might be looking in the wrong places...so may God guide my eyes to the right places
Concerned brethren: I know u r kidding
me: kidding ke? noo I am so serious about it
Concerned brethren: Even your sister has a lot of friends she can hook you up with
me: noooo I'll pass... I'd rather carry out my own search
Concerned brethren: Pastors need to be praying for you then.
me: lol...there is a prayer chain going on as we speak
Concerned brethren: you need it. Because you don't have any legitimate reason to remain single in 2008..
me: lol

I need it? I need Pastors to pray for me? Has my case gotten that bad that folks aren't even bothered if the comments they make hurt? The funny thing is this dude just got married and I remember when he was still searching for a wife...how easy people forget the challenges they faced in their search. I know some people have the best of intentions but the way they go about asking questions or making comments leave a lot to be desired.

Oh well here is a toast to 2008...if it comes and goes and I find myself still single, I wonder what the brethren will say.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Are you High?

I am borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddddddddddd!!!! yup! I am seriously bored...Don't get me wrong...it's nice to have a break but being someone who is so used to always working or keeping busy, this has been torture. I mean I am pissed on many levels... I just realized I have gained a couple of pounds around my thigh area (It's common amongst sprinters)...I mean my pants are tight enough as it is I really don't need the additional flesh...the additional flesh has left me feeling rather uncomfortable wearing my fitted jeans or pants...I am constantly checking myself to make sure nothing is hanging out (forgive my crudeness but I am upset)...Oh well ...what can I do

Anyway back to this extended break I am currently on...I must say it's having a really dull effect on me... I mean it's almost Christmas and I must confess I am really not excited...come to think of it the last time I really looked forward to Christmas was when I was still with my ex... I guess knowing that you have someone special to share the period with gives you a lot to be excited about ( I trust the religious ones are asking what happened to being excited about the birth of Christ...Please don't go there!! I don't need a day to be excited about His birth...I am constantly reminded of that...But for His birth and His sacrifice, my life would have been different). Anyway, the years after I broke up with my ex, I fell in love with my work as such Christmas wasn't that bad but this year, I am missing out on both.

So feeling the funk coming on, I decided to go to the theatre...the plan was to sit there and catch as many movies as possible...So I had a list of movies prepped and ready to go...got to the theatre and for some strange reason started feeling sleepy...Can you imagine??? So decided to catch just two movies...The Hitman and This Christmas... hmm..at this juncture I think it's best to share this with you...I know guys are suppose to be all macho but I can break down watching an emotional movie...strange thing though...I watched Titanic and though the ladies around me were crying, for some strange reason, tears just refused to flow from my eyes... I guess I was pissed...why? Did anyone else notice that No Black person survived? lol... anyway back to my gist... So I caught the Hitman first...a nice movie...the other viewers were polite, no noise...left the room content but excited about my next movie This Christmas (A friend had gisted me it was a nice movie so I had been looking forward to seeing it)...Anyway after The Hitman, I had about 30 minutes to spare before the next movie...So I decided to sit outside the theatre and wait... While waiting I realized how wicked and cruel this world can be...I mean folks are mean...it was as if someone had sent a memo out that I'll be at the theatre and I was going through a funk...I have been to this theatre on numerous occasions and I hardly see public display of affection but on this night, I saw it all...The Public Display of Affection (PDA) couples were out in full force... One chap took his to another level...I mean this dude was showing his babe around the theatre...lol...I kid you not...you would think the theatre had some historical relevance... "by the way babe that is the pop corn Machine JFK fed Jackie from the night before his assasination... Argggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg....lol

After about 20 minutes of plain torture, I decided it would be best if I found my way into the room showing my next movie This Christmas...And lo & behold it became official someone was out to make this night miserable for me...Pookie, tyrone, Shiniqua, Shiquista, their mothers and grannies were waiting for me...I tell you even before the movie started I knew I was in for a night...The movie started and you'd think I was in their living room...these folks had no regard whatsoever...kids were shouting, their mothers were shouting, grand mother was comparing one of the actors with one of her kids... the couples behind me were straight out holding a never ending conversation... And not to forget this African couple that decided to talk about Jehovah (There is nothing wrong in talking about God but please realize where you are and the fact that it's totally wrong to spoil the viewing pleasure of others)...to make matters worse, this African woman for some strange reason had chains around her waist and she decided to leave the theatre while in the middle of the movie ...You know how our African women are blessed with Assets (forward looking and backward guarding)...so you can imagine how much noise the chain made as she walked out and then decided to walk back in...
Anyway I loved the movie... I must confess, a couple of scenes had me close to tears...they brought back certain memories and re-affirmed somethings I'll miss this Christmas. Someone pass me a hankyyyyyyyyy!!!

By the way, have I gisted you guys that I recently re-connected with a girl I dated years ago? wayyy before my ex? it's been interesting...we've not spoken over the phone (she lives in a different State) but we've been sending each other messages, catching up on our years apart...Ahhh I must confess it's almost like meeting a lady you like for the first time and getting to know her but this time you are not being judged as such you can practically say anything... it's been really interesting...I am always touched by ladies that are inquisitive...she's been asking me a boat load of questions... different from the normal questions folks ask and I find that refreshing....Before you get your pants tangled up for no reason, She's currently in a "complicated" relationship...lol...I crack up whenever I ask a lady if she's in a relationship and she goes "its complicated"...lol...what is complicated? it's either you are in a relationship or you are not...it's not complicated at all...Anyway she's still a darling... I think her messages have helped me a bit...I tend to think less of my present situation....ahhh it's really refreshing...

Finally, I came into this year with 5 secrets and I recently revealed 1... 4 more to go....lol....Every year I have certain secrets I try to share before the year runs out...some of these secrets are about things that transpired during the course of the year or are things folks don't know about me...I tend to share secrets about things folks don't know about me with one trusted friend and share those secrets that have come about during the course of the year with those involved... This year I have 1 secret about me and 4 about certain people/events that transpired during the course of the year... So what's your secret?

I trust y'all are doing well... I miss you guys as much as you miss me...