Houston we have a problem.....
Hey peeps...Sorry I have been gone for so long... The past week has been hectic for me (will blog on that soon)...sooo what have y'all beenn up to????????? Ok first off ... I am well (like y'all care).. my eating regimen has moved from pizza and Singapore chow mein, to boneless chicken and a bar of snickers (man those bars are satisfyingggggg)...and finally, before you ask that perennial question, the answer is..I can cook...but my current situation isn't conducive enough for me to cook. (Period)!
Ok my people...what is going on? I mean what's going on with our generation? What's happened to our culture and traditions, our upbringing, our beliefs e.t.c. Rather than blog in the past week, I decided to spend more time viewing peoples sites and contributing where I deem fit and I must say as rewarding as it was reading about what people go through on daily basis, incidents, accidents and events, I came off troubled. Troubled because I see a dangerous trend in our generation...Troubled because I feel if this trend isn't checked, I fear for our children and those yet born...What are we going to teach our kids? Troubled because in a country where they are high on tradition but low on culture, we've allowed that affect the way we think and behave.
Before I delve any further, let me clarify a few things...in no way am I generalizing, nor pointing fingers...I am part of the problem and though some of you may think otherwise in regards to yourselves and the roles you play or some may feel they do not actively fall under the categories I plan to cover in this blog, I truly feel what affects one of us, affects us all...
One thing I always carry at the back of my head as I climb the various ladders in this country, is that I'll go through this country but I refuse to allow the country go through me... in other words, I choose to learn those things that would help in my growth but ignore the distractions ( or those things that are of no great benefit to my purpose)... I totally agree, that what we choose to learn will differ...I expect it to..because as individuals, we are different...but I believe our foundations are the same...regardless of the differences that exist in terms of our language or customs, the parables shared with you in Igbo, is similar if not the same to the parables shared in Yoruba... the underlying difference is just the mode of conveyance.
So I discovered my cousin, who is engaged to be married in a few months is being cheated on by her soon-to-be-hubby. This case is really bad because though he believes he has done a good job of hiding his affairs from his wife-to-be, the moron doesn't know his wife has been on to him for a while now.All her friends know about his escapades. This isn't a case of he said, she said...dude has actually confessed to one of his wife-to-be's close friend. He makes it sound like an illness that has n cure, rather than what it truly is...His lack of self control and his inability to think of the effect his actions could have on others.
I trust some of you are asking ...so what have I done? ...have I spoken to my cousin or to this chap about it? have I dropped signals? Nope Miguel has been QUIET! yup its not a typo ..you actually read it right... I can't imagine how you would see a pot-hole but still decide to drive your car into it...it amazes me...come to think of it....other than Nigerian roads, why would anyone driving in the US see a pothole and drive into it.... I guess its either that's the only road that leads to their destination or they are in too much of a hurry to avoid the pothole ...hmmm it could actually be both. So what would cause a woman to remain in a relationship that is clearly not beneficial to her ...other than she's concerned about her age as it relates to her ability to meet someone who would treat her better and the time it would take to meet such a person, peer pressure, because all her friends are married and dropping kids, she feels left out...I could continue but I'll reserve that for a different blog.
Anyway she's been talking to her friends and gradually revealing to them (Like they don't already know!!! duh!) her suspicions...anyway one of her closest friends, happens to be a childhood friend of mine and she's sought my advice (the babe tried to hide the identity of those involved...she was shocked when I told her to cut the crap cause I already knew).."what? you know and you haven't said anything!?" ... duh!!! ... How did I find out you might ask...Well in short..Lets just say ... Never take a babe that isn't your woman to a wedding even if its out of town and involves a circle of friends different from the one you keep back in your state...The naija community is too small..in some strange way, we are all linked.
So why have I been quiet... I must confess there are two reasons why I have chosen to keep my mouth out of it...#1. I still haven't decided within me whether to sympathize with her or lash her (I'll explain shortly)...#2. If she wanted me to know, rather than talking to her friends, she would have called me.
The struggle between sympathy and lashing is as a result of the fact that she knew better than to get into such a relationship in the first place... when a child says I'll rather learn from experience, that child should be prepared to bare the scars that come with it... our elders say that what an elder sees sitting down, a child cannot see on top of an iroko tree.
How does this relate to my visit to other blog sites? simple!... so a lot of the stuff I have seen on other sites have to do with break ups, make ups, a partner cheating, not married but living together, e.t.c. Now since a family member is experiencing something similar, though I have elected not to speak with her about it until she requests my input, in some screwy way, I am hoping since our community is soooo small...someone reading this might be in a position to help her or someone else in this situation... the hope is that just as gists get to her, advice will not be far off either. so here goes
Unevenly Yoked: Yes I agree... I have no right to impose on anyone (if my future wife ever reads this ...Darling I have every right and I plan on using it, to clearly approve or reject a man my daughter brings home..God save her if she doesn't bring him home..ma be gi fun wan!) Some of the problems people fce in relationships are as a result of the hardness of their hearts... The bible clearly states that you should not be unevenly yoked...its for a reason... She's engaged to a guy from a religion that believe a man can marry as many wives as he deems fit for so long as he can cater for them all... what do you expect...that he'll be faithful to you and you alone? are you kidding me? for so long as the dude's religion permits him to marry as many as he can cater for, dude isn't breaking any law and as such don't go around blaming or tarnishing dudes name... you are the one with the issue... you knew right from the start that you two believed in different things and your beliefs come with different stipulation but just because you are in such a hurry to do God's work for Him, you decide to enter into a union with this person....Please save the crap that you were hoping he would change once you two got serious....the only difference between yourself and his past girls is the fact that you caught him at the right time and he has made a choice and that choice is you! As a Christian, the Holy Spirit is the only one able to convict a person and lead them to change... its no wonder the dude has the nerve to say "well she knew I was a _____ before she dated me"...now he is sourcing other potential wifeys and you say he is cheating on you? my dear he would only be cheating on you if his religion expects him to be loyal to one woman only... I don't care if he promised that you two would be exclusive... His promise to God out-weighs whatever promise he'll make to you. Be prepared ..cos I get the feeling you will be the "Wednesday" wife.
Another side to this is the fact that understand that as a Christian if you marry a man that isn't a Christian or has a different set of beliefs from what you have and he doesn't permit you to go to church, let me make it clear that since the man has covering over his wife, even if you carry ur two right legs to church, unless he releases you to go to church, your prayers could be hindered... you see our God is one who believes in order, though they are three in one, the Bible clearly state none can come to the father unless thru Christ...
Living together before marriage: Don't even say it! yes youuuuu... I am reading your mind... I don't care if the dude has given you a 60 karat diamond ring and has introduced you to his whole generation...you are not married to him and until you are, you have no business living together.... Youuuuu ..yes youuuuu....I can hear you .."the only reason I chose to move in with my boyfriend is because of the high cost of living in this state"...my dear pack ya bag and baggages and move to a state where cost of living is affordable or better yet..Don't you have a friend you can live with?... its retarded the things people do...you once had a room-mate, after dating your dude for a few months or years (whatever!) you decide to move in with him...it feels right...hey..please allow me speak to your common sense for a second without interruption "if dude has agreed to your living with him, why can't he just marry you then...it doesn't have to be a big wedding or anything... go down to the registry and marry..even if its hush hush...then save some money for the white wedding...at this point at least you have insurance...even if the white wedding never holds, you two are still married...turn to him now and ask him about the registry option...see as the guy will evade that topic sharp sharp!...I once heard there's nothing like a free lunch...I doubt the economist that came up with that took relationships into consideration..cause mannnnn some are just that "free"! I know of a babe who moved all the way from her state, to another state to be with a dude...dude just got married this year and yup you guessed right...not to her! ... talking to this babe you can sense she's lost all hope ..she now has trust issues and she gets moody easily....added to the fact that she's regressed rather than progressed...another man is going to have to suffer for her mistakes (though if you speak to her, she refuses to accept its her fault)...
His load or his burden? which are you? cause trust me if you were married to him before carrying you two left legs to his house or apartment, he'll consider you his load... but here you are , you've moved into his place, using his things, crowding his space...you are a burden! why are you shocked when you two fight and he keeps referring to the fact that this s his, that is his e.t.c.... noticed that nothing significant is yours... all you have during those squabbles are reminders of how inconsequential your contributions are. Shame! ... I remember a dude that moved in with a lady who owned her own place and was doing well for herself... dude thought his six pack, fine looks, bicep and size 13 shoes would keep everything in check... well months later after the lady found a size 15, she decided to upgrade and in the process dude became stranded... "i always thought we'd get married" ... always, thought, ..quick advice..if you ever have to use those two words together, more than likely the situation is not in your favor... anyway 4 years on, no one has heard from the dude... i bumped into a ver close friend of his ...his side-kick when things were dandy...asked how dude was doing and the friend goes "D?...hisses"..may that not be our story. All i am saying is..build yourself..get yours... ensure that things are done the right way..when trials come (they will surely come) it will be almost impossible for him to claim anything as his in the house other than his clothes...cause everything from the couch to the TV ..to the house would have been a joint investment.
I have chosen to write about this three for now because as it pertains to my cousin, despite the warnings and advice, she chose to flout these three amongst other things... When you start to compromise on your beliefs, you start to settle... your criteria drops, people are able to exceed your expectations easily...and all you are left with is mediocrity... though i have no studies to prove what i am about to conclude with, but i believe that just as you settle for mediocrity, your self worth drops drastically.
If we were back home under the watchful eyes of our parents, could we do what it is we do here? could we live the way we are living here? I doubt that very much
My people the fact that its done here does not mean its right.... There are many ways that seem right but there's only one true way...not all roads lead to Alabama! (don't know why i picked Alabama but hey..hope you catch my drift).
Ok my people...what is going on? I mean what's going on with our generation? What's happened to our culture and traditions, our upbringing, our beliefs e.t.c. Rather than blog in the past week, I decided to spend more time viewing peoples sites and contributing where I deem fit and I must say as rewarding as it was reading about what people go through on daily basis, incidents, accidents and events, I came off troubled. Troubled because I see a dangerous trend in our generation...Troubled because I feel if this trend isn't checked, I fear for our children and those yet born...What are we going to teach our kids? Troubled because in a country where they are high on tradition but low on culture, we've allowed that affect the way we think and behave.
Before I delve any further, let me clarify a few things...in no way am I generalizing, nor pointing fingers...I am part of the problem and though some of you may think otherwise in regards to yourselves and the roles you play or some may feel they do not actively fall under the categories I plan to cover in this blog, I truly feel what affects one of us, affects us all...
One thing I always carry at the back of my head as I climb the various ladders in this country, is that I'll go through this country but I refuse to allow the country go through me... in other words, I choose to learn those things that would help in my growth but ignore the distractions ( or those things that are of no great benefit to my purpose)... I totally agree, that what we choose to learn will differ...I expect it to..because as individuals, we are different...but I believe our foundations are the same...regardless of the differences that exist in terms of our language or customs, the parables shared with you in Igbo, is similar if not the same to the parables shared in Yoruba... the underlying difference is just the mode of conveyance.
So I discovered my cousin, who is engaged to be married in a few months is being cheated on by her soon-to-be-hubby. This case is really bad because though he believes he has done a good job of hiding his affairs from his wife-to-be, the moron doesn't know his wife has been on to him for a while now.All her friends know about his escapades. This isn't a case of he said, she said...dude has actually confessed to one of his wife-to-be's close friend. He makes it sound like an illness that has n cure, rather than what it truly is...His lack of self control and his inability to think of the effect his actions could have on others.
I trust some of you are asking ...so what have I done? ...have I spoken to my cousin or to this chap about it? have I dropped signals? Nope Miguel has been QUIET! yup its not a typo ..you actually read it right... I can't imagine how you would see a pot-hole but still decide to drive your car into it...it amazes me...come to think of it....other than Nigerian roads, why would anyone driving in the US see a pothole and drive into it.... I guess its either that's the only road that leads to their destination or they are in too much of a hurry to avoid the pothole ...hmmm it could actually be both. So what would cause a woman to remain in a relationship that is clearly not beneficial to her ...other than she's concerned about her age as it relates to her ability to meet someone who would treat her better and the time it would take to meet such a person, peer pressure, because all her friends are married and dropping kids, she feels left out...I could continue but I'll reserve that for a different blog.
Anyway she's been talking to her friends and gradually revealing to them (Like they don't already know!!! duh!) her suspicions...anyway one of her closest friends, happens to be a childhood friend of mine and she's sought my advice (the babe tried to hide the identity of those involved...she was shocked when I told her to cut the crap cause I already knew).."what? you know and you haven't said anything!?" ... duh!!! ... How did I find out you might ask...Well in short..Lets just say ... Never take a babe that isn't your woman to a wedding even if its out of town and involves a circle of friends different from the one you keep back in your state...The naija community is too small..in some strange way, we are all linked.
So why have I been quiet... I must confess there are two reasons why I have chosen to keep my mouth out of it...#1. I still haven't decided within me whether to sympathize with her or lash her (I'll explain shortly)...#2. If she wanted me to know, rather than talking to her friends, she would have called me.
The struggle between sympathy and lashing is as a result of the fact that she knew better than to get into such a relationship in the first place... when a child says I'll rather learn from experience, that child should be prepared to bare the scars that come with it... our elders say that what an elder sees sitting down, a child cannot see on top of an iroko tree.
How does this relate to my visit to other blog sites? simple!... so a lot of the stuff I have seen on other sites have to do with break ups, make ups, a partner cheating, not married but living together, e.t.c. Now since a family member is experiencing something similar, though I have elected not to speak with her about it until she requests my input, in some screwy way, I am hoping since our community is soooo small...someone reading this might be in a position to help her or someone else in this situation... the hope is that just as gists get to her, advice will not be far off either. so here goes
Unevenly Yoked: Yes I agree... I have no right to impose on anyone (if my future wife ever reads this ...Darling I have every right and I plan on using it, to clearly approve or reject a man my daughter brings home..God save her if she doesn't bring him home..ma be gi fun wan!) Some of the problems people fce in relationships are as a result of the hardness of their hearts... The bible clearly states that you should not be unevenly yoked...its for a reason... She's engaged to a guy from a religion that believe a man can marry as many wives as he deems fit for so long as he can cater for them all... what do you expect...that he'll be faithful to you and you alone? are you kidding me? for so long as the dude's religion permits him to marry as many as he can cater for, dude isn't breaking any law and as such don't go around blaming or tarnishing dudes name... you are the one with the issue... you knew right from the start that you two believed in different things and your beliefs come with different stipulation but just because you are in such a hurry to do God's work for Him, you decide to enter into a union with this person....Please save the crap that you were hoping he would change once you two got serious....the only difference between yourself and his past girls is the fact that you caught him at the right time and he has made a choice and that choice is you! As a Christian, the Holy Spirit is the only one able to convict a person and lead them to change... its no wonder the dude has the nerve to say "well she knew I was a _____ before she dated me"...now he is sourcing other potential wifeys and you say he is cheating on you? my dear he would only be cheating on you if his religion expects him to be loyal to one woman only... I don't care if he promised that you two would be exclusive... His promise to God out-weighs whatever promise he'll make to you. Be prepared ..cos I get the feeling you will be the "Wednesday" wife.
Another side to this is the fact that understand that as a Christian if you marry a man that isn't a Christian or has a different set of beliefs from what you have and he doesn't permit you to go to church, let me make it clear that since the man has covering over his wife, even if you carry ur two right legs to church, unless he releases you to go to church, your prayers could be hindered... you see our God is one who believes in order, though they are three in one, the Bible clearly state none can come to the father unless thru Christ...
Living together before marriage: Don't even say it! yes youuuuu... I am reading your mind... I don't care if the dude has given you a 60 karat diamond ring and has introduced you to his whole generation...you are not married to him and until you are, you have no business living together.... Youuuuu ..yes youuuuu....I can hear you .."the only reason I chose to move in with my boyfriend is because of the high cost of living in this state"...my dear pack ya bag and baggages and move to a state where cost of living is affordable or better yet..Don't you have a friend you can live with?... its retarded the things people do...you once had a room-mate, after dating your dude for a few months or years (whatever!) you decide to move in with him...it feels right...hey..please allow me speak to your common sense for a second without interruption "if dude has agreed to your living with him, why can't he just marry you then...it doesn't have to be a big wedding or anything... go down to the registry and marry..even if its hush hush...then save some money for the white wedding...at this point at least you have insurance...even if the white wedding never holds, you two are still married...turn to him now and ask him about the registry option...see as the guy will evade that topic sharp sharp!...I once heard there's nothing like a free lunch...I doubt the economist that came up with that took relationships into consideration..cause mannnnn some are just that "free"! I know of a babe who moved all the way from her state, to another state to be with a dude...dude just got married this year and yup you guessed right...not to her! ... talking to this babe you can sense she's lost all hope ..she now has trust issues and she gets moody easily....added to the fact that she's regressed rather than progressed...another man is going to have to suffer for her mistakes (though if you speak to her, she refuses to accept its her fault)...
His load or his burden? which are you? cause trust me if you were married to him before carrying you two left legs to his house or apartment, he'll consider you his load... but here you are , you've moved into his place, using his things, crowding his space...you are a burden! why are you shocked when you two fight and he keeps referring to the fact that this s his, that is his e.t.c.... noticed that nothing significant is yours... all you have during those squabbles are reminders of how inconsequential your contributions are. Shame! ... I remember a dude that moved in with a lady who owned her own place and was doing well for herself... dude thought his six pack, fine looks, bicep and size 13 shoes would keep everything in check... well months later after the lady found a size 15, she decided to upgrade and in the process dude became stranded... "i always thought we'd get married" ... always, thought, ..quick advice..if you ever have to use those two words together, more than likely the situation is not in your favor... anyway 4 years on, no one has heard from the dude... i bumped into a ver close friend of his ...his side-kick when things were dandy...asked how dude was doing and the friend goes "D?...hisses"..may that not be our story. All i am saying is..build yourself..get yours... ensure that things are done the right way..when trials come (they will surely come) it will be almost impossible for him to claim anything as his in the house other than his clothes...cause everything from the couch to the TV ..to the house would have been a joint investment.
I have chosen to write about this three for now because as it pertains to my cousin, despite the warnings and advice, she chose to flout these three amongst other things... When you start to compromise on your beliefs, you start to settle... your criteria drops, people are able to exceed your expectations easily...and all you are left with is mediocrity... though i have no studies to prove what i am about to conclude with, but i believe that just as you settle for mediocrity, your self worth drops drastically.
If we were back home under the watchful eyes of our parents, could we do what it is we do here? could we live the way we are living here? I doubt that very much
My people the fact that its done here does not mean its right.... There are many ways that seem right but there's only one true way...not all roads lead to Alabama! (don't know why i picked Alabama but hey..hope you catch my drift).
posted by Miguel @ 9:36 PM
20 Comments:
At 8:55 AM ,
Anonymous said...
1) build yourself..get yours... ensure that things are done the right way..
2)When you start to compromise on your beliefs, you start to settle
very good advice, Professor. I'm still working on the first one, trying to be the things that I am praying for in a partner.
Us women need to have the second one ingrained in us from birth. Its VERY easy to settle or compromise due to societal pressures etc., but knowing Gods desire for us should be our only prerequisite to choosing our partners.
At 11:43 AM ,
The Life of a Stranger called me said...
Unequally yoked
Living together before marriage
His load or his burden
These three headings summarise the stpes that we take that leads to major problems in our relationships, and sometimes you don't think its that big a deal. Its worked for others, so it should work for us. I have known people some non-christians and some workers in the house of God who live together and end up getting married.
As I read you second heading, I remebered B and F who were serious men and women of God and though they moved in together a couple of months before the marriage date, I can't but feel if that was the right decision.
Anyways, what you have written is tru, and I will forward this to my friend and cusin who is living with her fella yes in Nigeria (lagos), she should find this helpful.
At 12:02 PM ,
Corri S. said...
"The truth shall set you free!" Excellent post, Miguel.
I found #2 particularly interesting. I have several friends who have done/and are doing this and for some "shacking" has worked and they still got married. One couple even went so far as to purchase property together before being engaged....ended up breaking up, and the guy kept the condo since he'd invested the most--leaving the lady to go start from stratch. Bummer.
However, could it be a blessing that these couples realized that they didn't want to be together before they made that ultimate commitment? While I definitely don't intend to shack up before marriage, it MAY (I said may) be of benefit to some people to see how the person behaves when they'll share living quarters.
At 10:12 PM ,
DiAmOnD hawk said...
Miguel...Once again, you've made excellent points. We may need to get you a spot on Oprah...I'd love to interview you at some point (or maybe u can do this guestblog thingy on my blog )
Anyways...i think your selfworth plays a keyrole in relationships. My cousin is married to an abusive man and intervention upon intervention, she stays put. The thing is, he showed signs of this in the beginning. She's very beautiful and smart but has had a self esteem problem for a while...she must not have thot she could do any better...she must have thot she was getting too old and didnt want to be left behind for her to get married to this guy and now she's got 2kids and feels stuck...im only touching this fact because I dont think if you told your cousin anything, she would leave him...For her to be sharing her suspicions...she knows what's up already. I think it would take an act of God for her to move on
It is a shame what we are reduced to as far as relationships go...especially women...since we're the ones that do the "take in"...we absorb all the nonsense. You refer to our upbringing...but some of our upbringings advocate sinful/shameful living...
Miguel it's only thru the Grace of God we're able to absolve ourselves of societal norms and some of our upbringings. I believe once a woman (and a man) is able to reconcile herself w/who she is in God, then everything will start to fall into place...the process of doing so however is not always an easy one
At 2:20 PM ,
NaijaBloke said...
Uncle Miguel this is the post we have been waiting for o.Thank u very much for this post.
The only thing is why use this topic for this post sir?LOL
At 3:03 PM ,
The Life of a Stranger called me said...
naijabloke - LOLOLOLO>>> I am not going to die for you. Which one should he use.
At 3:49 PM ,
Anonymous said...
naijabloke...not everything is about you ooo... Mr Houston! LOL
At 8:41 PM ,
Miguel said...
@Naijabloke ... my guy think am!check am! almost everything wey get issues get something in common with "Houston"... Ok check out whitney Houston... ok come check out the former resident of Houston..George Bush...make i continue? lol
At 11:34 PM ,
Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...
Professor Miguel, kai! u too like wahala. Why u come dey tasi Naijabloke, gentleman wey siddon jeje?
Once again, this is an excellent post. About living together, i can't over-emphasize it. It pisses me off when bf's and gf's start doing things together as a couple, like living together, having a joint bank account, etc. thinking that this way, they'll get to know themselves and relate better. I think it's a lie from the pit of hell, to tell u the truth. When they eventually break up, the situation becomes so messy, it ain't even funny and then the bad-mouthing begins. Plus in future, i won't be happy to hear that my hubby had a live-in gf.
At 12:30 AM ,
Miguel said...
We've found herrrrr...call off the search party! she's resurfaced! ah ah Bijou why u jus disappear..no warning, no notice..anyway i told the cops if anything happens to you, i suspect "midnight gister"...lol...WB.
At 5:48 PM ,
NaijaBloke said...
Lol@Miguel ..same thing I thot o Midnite gister dan finanly get Bijouxoxo.
Now ppl go dey think say na me u dey talk abt for here now,make I quick write discliamer.
@ The Life of a Stranger called me .. dont know why he no use another city.With all the drama in Brooklyn,New York would have been a good choice.
DISCLAIMER: "All stories and instances speculated or mentioned in this post r fictions and has nuthn in relation watsoever with ME or HOUSTON"
@Belle ...I see say Iya Ijebu dan follow me come here.
At 8:08 PM ,
Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...
U dis Naijabloke na wa for u. Abeg, i don't blame u for putting up the disclaimer sharp sharp before all dem Sisi Eko go dey run for u. Reading over my comment, i realized it's easy for people to think it's ur story plus the fact that Miguel used Houston in the title. Abeg, leave my midnite gister alone jere
At 5:50 PM ,
Mari said...
Nice entry Miguel. Nice one. Its a sad situation ure cousin is in. Lets just hope the best for her. I got wind of some gist this week regarding very close friends of mine...its sad to hear what people choose to live with.
At 11:18 PM ,
Anonymous said...
LOL! i love reading the comments on your posts.
Honestly I cannot help but agree with you 100% on this post.
Honestly I think you should write a book.
I hope your cousin makes the right decision. And whatever decision she makes I hope she has enough strength emotionally and physically to deal with the results.
And I seriously pray that when the time comes and we all find ourselves in relationships, I pray that we may be able to handle them in positive ways that shall lead to happy endings......or maybe even Alabama, what i'm trying to say is may the road trip or flight there be a safe one. ;)
At 8:19 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Excellent post,i do not and will NEVER support the idea of living together before marriage.Me thinks it makes a woman cheap. A lot of people in the UK and US do this under the guise of it is cheaper when we share economic burdens.hy not go back to your father's house if you cant keep up with bills,na by force to live abroad?
And i ask,what happens if u guys break up.You woman is the loser,cos the world we are in today doesnt see anything wrong with a guy that has been with so many girls.If a woman moves from one man to another she is labelled ''ashawo''.God help us.
Preach it Prof, and i hope and pray that people will stop co-habitation!
Dont be fooled ladies,most guys out there are looking for a warm body to come home to,an idiot that will clean his pad and cook for him while he goes about frollicking with other girls. And uhmn,be careful with your credit cards as well.
I know some people will say,not all men are like this but sha me i have 3 CLOSE friends in this same shit(excuse my french)right now.
At 10:34 AM ,
DiAmOnD hawk said...
hmmm...i dont advocate living together only because overcoming temptation is that much harder...what of if you're just room mates...as in you want a room mate...
for example...let's say my boyfriend is moving to this country...because of me...no where to stay...would it be okay to stay for just a little bit...
and miguel...i read a comment on Temmy's Blog about after two years, if the guy is of marrying age, and nothing happens...to fashi...what is marrying age?
At 12:26 PM ,
Miguel said...
@Mari ...yeah it's a sad situation but even if she fails to learn from it, i pray her friends will.. if one soul is to suffer for the emancipation of the rest, then i guess so be it.
@Mphahlele... Amen. As a people we can only learn when we choose to share our experiences and listen to those of others... I am happy that people like yourself and others that stop by to comment on my various posts keep the topic lively and educating.
@Temmy... wow! i couldn't have said it any better ..your comment is on point... All i'll say is you can never sow tomato and when harvest comes you reap mango. What I am trying to say is ... you determine what you get and how you are treated in a relationship.
@Diamondhawk....I personally don't support the male/female room-mate dynamics... at first you may think you'll never get initmate with this person, but Tv and stories have shown that doesn't always hold true...secondly, if this persons belief system is diffeent from yours, that could also affect you..the Bible says can two live together except they agree? if your room mate is still in the world and you are not, that could be a problem... The company i am working for this summer placed me in corporate housing with a dude I had never met in my life. Some nights i'll be in my room and dude will take a babe into his room and you can easily tell what it is they are doing(we share a wall)... I don't care how spirit filled you are ..if you've ever tasted sex, it will take the grace of God to keep you in check.
As per marriage age... I agree with Temmy's post. I hear people say the reason why we are stil not married is because we need to save for the wedding or i am not physically, mentally or emotionally ready (but your third leg is ready to explore depths that should only be explored after marriage..its like demanding pension before you reach retirement age... oh please! the whole physical, emotional, mental ready excuse is just a crock of crap. I say this to say that if a man dates you for over two years and he is not talking about settling down with you then you need to re-evaluate that relationship..."the guy no wan marry but e wan touch"... how many people have you seen who go out to buy a house and without closing on the house move in to live? its never done... first you find the house(find your partner), get a loan (get permission & revelation from God), then you close on the house (marry).
so Diamond if you were looking for an actual age, there is none..but i don't believe a man should wait till he is "comfortable" before getting married.
At 6:51 PM ,
Vera Ezimora said...
Nawa o. This can't be easy [for your cousin]; I mean, how does one begin to 'fix' this?
At 8:12 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Nice, very nice, Miguel. I like your blog. Don't stop writing (but abeg no more pictures of delicious-looking food. I'm so hungry now!!)
At 11:36 PM ,
Anonymous said...
preach on bro...it's insane to live with someone ur not yet married to, ths my take on it. Talk of a first class ticket for satan to come and ruin ur life and stuff. even the Bible is against it. Mig, i think you should write a book mhen. pls what about rhynna and bj's wedding pics nawww???? tenks!
its zioner by the way
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