The art of cheating
"Ahhh i knew that guy/girl was no good...sorry he/she cheated on you...thats why i trust my man/woman..(s)he'll never cheat on me"! do me a favor ..if you fall into the category of people that go about saying this or singing about how perfect a relationship you have, kindly do me a favor...please follow the instructions below to the T.
1. Raise your right hand
2. Take a look at your palm
3. Now feel your palm (is it soft or hard?)
4. Ok now get some powder
5. Place some powder on that palm
6. Now slaaaaaaaaaaaaaap yourself Awake!
Thats what we call the pimp slap... i can't see any other slap waking u up the way a pimp slap would.
Before i go further, let me say this... i have cheated, been cheated on, know cheats, witnessed cheating. Let me take it a step further by saying both genders cheat. YESSSSS!!! you women reading this...i said it ...WOMEN CHEAT TOO! so rather than starting a gender war, lets talk about why people cheat and what can be done to curb such an act in your relationship.
1. Where have you built your house? Have you built your house on sand or on a solid rock?
The truth they say is bitter. Most people want to wear the pendant of christianity but refuse to abide by its doctrines. Most people at times when they want to declare their self-righteousness, find it easy to announce that they are saved but yet the lives they live and decisions they make are so farrr away from what is expected of a true christian. Please! i am in no means saying that christian relationships (dating the way its stated in the bible), is cheat-proof...as we all know even the sheperds (pastors) placed over us, fall. All i am saying is if your relationship is based on Godly principles, the probability of a partner cheating reduces drastically. Proverbs 5:23 says "For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life, to keep you from the evil woman (MAN), from the flattering tongue of a seducter(ess)." when everything about your relationship, the partner you pick, the way you relate, is built on biblical principles, chances are if all remains the same, its unlikely either party will cheat on the other...another passage that i feel rounds this up perfectly is Matthew 7:24-27..the story of the wise man who built his house on the rock and when rain descended (trials), the flood (temptations) came, the winds (distance, pressure, e.t.c) blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on THE rock. It also talks about the foolish man who built his house on sand and the rain descended (trials), the flood (temptation) came and the winds (lonliness, frustration e.t.c.) blew and beat on that house and it fell. And great was its fall. So tell me which house have you built your relationship on and i can without a doubt tell you if its standing or its fallen!
Now that i have shared what i feel is critical, lets look at other reasons...
2. Cheating is simple; relationships is work: relationship requires hard work and maintenance. The problem with people is, we crave a relationship but aren't willing to put in the work it takes. We are like pants hanging on a line...we blow whichever way the wind directs...for so long as we gain that instant gratification..yes..cheating isn't always about sex...it could manifest in the way we act, talk and the things we permit. A person chooses to cheat simply for that reason..its a choice! its a choice that most times comes with a willing and easy partner...it starts off with either a wink, a smile or a comment especially at those times when we are most vulnerable... think about it ... most times people cheat its during a down period...a down period could be at that point when you find yourself no longer as attracted to your partner as you once were, or when you feel your partner accepts you less, theres a lack of respect, desire levels drop, you aren't adored as you once were nor are you loved the same way you had been previously. Theres always that person out there who is willing to swear or promise to satisfy that which you miss and crave for...funniest thing is, most times the person is there only till the point when they are satisfied. Which leads me to my next point
3. How selfish can you be? People cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires...at these times all they think about is "I". How do I satisfy myself... oh man! Matilda has a sexy voice compared to my girl Peju or Check that dude out...he is well cut in all the right places...how "I" wish i could hold him or I like the way Chuks talks to me...my man doesn't talk to me that way...
A relationship is like a puppy...easy to acquire, hard to maintain! Women are scared that if they don't sleep with their man, someone else will...my dear..sex makes relationships complicated... most people that are really hurt when they discover a cheating partner are people that have given of their body... one adage i enjoy hearing is "there's nothing hidden under the sun"...yes what you do in darkness will come to light! If you feel you are out of love or just feel the need to play around...do your partner a favor...TAKE A WALK! its only a prisoner that remains in a place where they are uncomfortable, unable to move for lack of freedom.
A partner that is going to cheat on you is GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU REGARDLESS..whether you open your legs or not...so why not keep it shut, glorify God and at the appointed time, the person that will heal your wounds will be sent with that balm that healeth all...but remember.. you have to be in the right place!I'll stop for now because i trust just as some will agree with me, others won't...so here is an open forum to comment...Why do you think people Cheat? feel free to comment and i'll post peoples comments on here....
Let me conclude by saying...the fact that a person cheats does not in any way mean the person is bound to cheat forever...NOOOOO...it simply means the person is bound to cheat on YOU forever...so when a man or woman cheats on you, wake up and realize what the person is trying to say to you...."you are not worth the wait nor the patience"...I agree being a victim of a cheating b/f or g/f is painful but look on the bright side.. now you can focus your energy on something more important, like buidling yourself for the right person or learning about you. Yes you gave him X years of your life, how do you move on? what do you say when friends ask? how do you deal with the hurt.... I say ...if you sleep and you wake up the next day, it shows he has no say in your future...don't let him/her determine how you are going to live...choose to conquer....choose to be happy! good luck!
Additions:
Belle said...
Good God, Miguel---you deserve a standing ovation for this post. Seriously. This post in on point..I think people cheat for all the reasons you've already mentioned, lack of a foundation based on the word of God, insecurities, and simply because they can. We live in a culture of instant gratification, where it is all about ME, MYSELF, and I, and cheating is a very selfish act.I wish people would just end things if they realize they want something else, however everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too..
Bijouxoxo said....
Oh boy, u're so on point with this post. I agree with everything u've said, and it looks like u've covered all the bases.When u're not satisfied with what u have and start believeing the grass is greener on the other side, is the main reason i think people cheat.Another reason i think people cheat, esp. married folks with kids, is when one party decides to neglect herself/ himself and starts focusing all his/her attention on the kids. It's common in women especially.Women that were size 4's or 6 when they got married, all of a sudden becoming a size 16, with ashy feet, unshaved legs etc. Men are visual, and if their Mrs. at home isn't looking good enough, they'll be attracted to that drop dead gorgeous Sisi in the office.Again i think people don't trust God enough to let him orchestrate their love lives. So it's a case of why put all my eggs in one basket?
1. Raise your right hand
2. Take a look at your palm
3. Now feel your palm (is it soft or hard?)
4. Ok now get some powder
5. Place some powder on that palm
6. Now slaaaaaaaaaaaaaap yourself Awake!
Thats what we call the pimp slap... i can't see any other slap waking u up the way a pimp slap would.
Before i go further, let me say this... i have cheated, been cheated on, know cheats, witnessed cheating. Let me take it a step further by saying both genders cheat. YESSSSS!!! you women reading this...i said it ...WOMEN CHEAT TOO! so rather than starting a gender war, lets talk about why people cheat and what can be done to curb such an act in your relationship.
1. Where have you built your house? Have you built your house on sand or on a solid rock?
The truth they say is bitter. Most people want to wear the pendant of christianity but refuse to abide by its doctrines. Most people at times when they want to declare their self-righteousness, find it easy to announce that they are saved but yet the lives they live and decisions they make are so farrr away from what is expected of a true christian. Please! i am in no means saying that christian relationships (dating the way its stated in the bible), is cheat-proof...as we all know even the sheperds (pastors) placed over us, fall. All i am saying is if your relationship is based on Godly principles, the probability of a partner cheating reduces drastically. Proverbs 5:23 says "For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life, to keep you from the evil woman (MAN), from the flattering tongue of a seducter(ess)." when everything about your relationship, the partner you pick, the way you relate, is built on biblical principles, chances are if all remains the same, its unlikely either party will cheat on the other...another passage that i feel rounds this up perfectly is Matthew 7:24-27..the story of the wise man who built his house on the rock and when rain descended (trials), the flood (temptations) came, the winds (distance, pressure, e.t.c) blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on THE rock. It also talks about the foolish man who built his house on sand and the rain descended (trials), the flood (temptation) came and the winds (lonliness, frustration e.t.c.) blew and beat on that house and it fell. And great was its fall. So tell me which house have you built your relationship on and i can without a doubt tell you if its standing or its fallen!
Now that i have shared what i feel is critical, lets look at other reasons...
2. Cheating is simple; relationships is work: relationship requires hard work and maintenance. The problem with people is, we crave a relationship but aren't willing to put in the work it takes. We are like pants hanging on a line...we blow whichever way the wind directs...for so long as we gain that instant gratification..yes..cheating isn't always about sex...it could manifest in the way we act, talk and the things we permit. A person chooses to cheat simply for that reason..its a choice! its a choice that most times comes with a willing and easy partner...it starts off with either a wink, a smile or a comment especially at those times when we are most vulnerable... think about it ... most times people cheat its during a down period...a down period could be at that point when you find yourself no longer as attracted to your partner as you once were, or when you feel your partner accepts you less, theres a lack of respect, desire levels drop, you aren't adored as you once were nor are you loved the same way you had been previously. Theres always that person out there who is willing to swear or promise to satisfy that which you miss and crave for...funniest thing is, most times the person is there only till the point when they are satisfied. Which leads me to my next point
3. How selfish can you be? People cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires...at these times all they think about is "I". How do I satisfy myself... oh man! Matilda has a sexy voice compared to my girl Peju or Check that dude out...he is well cut in all the right places...how "I" wish i could hold him or I like the way Chuks talks to me...my man doesn't talk to me that way...
A relationship is like a puppy...easy to acquire, hard to maintain! Women are scared that if they don't sleep with their man, someone else will...my dear..sex makes relationships complicated... most people that are really hurt when they discover a cheating partner are people that have given of their body... one adage i enjoy hearing is "there's nothing hidden under the sun"...yes what you do in darkness will come to light! If you feel you are out of love or just feel the need to play around...do your partner a favor...TAKE A WALK! its only a prisoner that remains in a place where they are uncomfortable, unable to move for lack of freedom.
A partner that is going to cheat on you is GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU REGARDLESS..whether you open your legs or not...so why not keep it shut, glorify God and at the appointed time, the person that will heal your wounds will be sent with that balm that healeth all...but remember.. you have to be in the right place!I'll stop for now because i trust just as some will agree with me, others won't...so here is an open forum to comment...Why do you think people Cheat? feel free to comment and i'll post peoples comments on here....
Let me conclude by saying...the fact that a person cheats does not in any way mean the person is bound to cheat forever...NOOOOO...it simply means the person is bound to cheat on YOU forever...so when a man or woman cheats on you, wake up and realize what the person is trying to say to you...."you are not worth the wait nor the patience"...I agree being a victim of a cheating b/f or g/f is painful but look on the bright side.. now you can focus your energy on something more important, like buidling yourself for the right person or learning about you. Yes you gave him X years of your life, how do you move on? what do you say when friends ask? how do you deal with the hurt.... I say ...if you sleep and you wake up the next day, it shows he has no say in your future...don't let him/her determine how you are going to live...choose to conquer....choose to be happy! good luck!
Additions:
Belle said...
Good God, Miguel---you deserve a standing ovation for this post. Seriously. This post in on point..I think people cheat for all the reasons you've already mentioned, lack of a foundation based on the word of God, insecurities, and simply because they can. We live in a culture of instant gratification, where it is all about ME, MYSELF, and I, and cheating is a very selfish act.I wish people would just end things if they realize they want something else, however everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too..
Bijouxoxo said....
Oh boy, u're so on point with this post. I agree with everything u've said, and it looks like u've covered all the bases.When u're not satisfied with what u have and start believeing the grass is greener on the other side, is the main reason i think people cheat.Another reason i think people cheat, esp. married folks with kids, is when one party decides to neglect herself/ himself and starts focusing all his/her attention on the kids. It's common in women especially.Women that were size 4's or 6 when they got married, all of a sudden becoming a size 16, with ashy feet, unshaved legs etc. Men are visual, and if their Mrs. at home isn't looking good enough, they'll be attracted to that drop dead gorgeous Sisi in the office.Again i think people don't trust God enough to let him orchestrate their love lives. So it's a case of why put all my eggs in one basket?
posted by Miguel @ 5:32 PM
17 Comments:
At 8:11 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Good God, Miguel---you deserve a standing ovation for this post. Seriously. This post in on point..
I think people cheat for all the reasons you've already mentioned, lack of a foundation based on the word of God, insecurities, and simply because they can. We live in a culture of instant gratification, where it is all about ME, MYSELF, and I, and cheating is a very selfish act.
I wish people would just end things if they realize they want something else, however everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too..
At 9:21 PM ,
Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...
Oh boy, u're so on point with this post. I agree with everything u've said, and it looks like u've covered all the bases.
When u're not satisfied with what u have and start believeing the grass is greener on the other side, is the main reason i think people cheat.
Another reason i think people cheat, esp. married folks with kids, is when one party decides to neglect herself/ himself and starts focusing all his/her attention on the kids. It's common in women especially.
Women that were size 4's or 6 when they got married, all of a sudden becoming a size 16, with ashy feet, unshaved legs etc. Men are visual, and if their Mrs. at home isn't looking good enough, they'll be attracted to that drop dead gorgeous Sisi in the office.
Again i think people don't trust God enough to let him orchestrate their love lives. So it's a case of why put all my eggs in one basket?
At 2:39 AM ,
Anonymous said...
have i been away that long??
i've missed so many entries!!!!
okay i'm going to read now!
At 5:03 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Prof Miguel:
You are God sent.
I cant say anything,you know why.
But this post you dedicated to me surely did its job.
I am touched in ways i cant describe.You have opened my eyes to some aspects i neglected about our relationship.
I may have taken some things for granted,like him telling me i should come back to Nigeria after my masters.
I should have noticed insecurity setting in.
I thought talking everyday can make up for being away.But then LDR is for matured people now abi.
I am getting out of my confused state gradually,it may take time for me to be able to post anything meaningfulon my blog tho.Unless you all want to listen to my love rambles.LOL!
Thank you,you are ace!
At 9:59 AM ,
The Life of a Stranger called me said...
I agree with your poposal of the reasoning behind why people cheat, and also, your fact based observation and findings and am particularly impressed with the fact that you are not speaking as somone who hasn't lived it, but has had a first hand experience and thus makes it easier for people to recognise, accept and act on your advice.
What Im I saying, I am saying it is especially helpfully to someone in a position of wondering what next (when faced with such a situation) to be able to make a decision and be firm about it.
I am glad I have read this, and there have been times when I wondered was walking away the right decision, I can finally close that chapter now with a knowledge that the decision I made was most definately the right decision. Released finally at last.
Thank you.
At 10:01 AM ,
The Life of a Stranger called me said...
ps, what happened to the story concerning to what happened to you last weekend.
I have yet to forget.
At 5:24 PM ,
NaijaBloke said...
My understanding of cheating is that cheating is a SIN.Just like any kind of sin that we get into like stealing,cheating is just the same.Cheating is fornicating and adultery and that is why it is part of the Ten Commandments.Temptations will always come left and right.
So what u r saying is that when someone repents from a sin,that means he will still go back to sin?I don't think thatz practically right.When u decide to turn ur life around,u make up ur mind not to do that thing any longer,but the devil is still going to send temptations ur way to get u to fall back.So it is the grace of God that can only sustain u from falling back.
Like Miguel said someone would cheat on u when they feel they found someone better than u or they r trying to tell u that u r not worth the wait or patience and that the person will keep cheating on u.I don't agree with that.
I listenened to one of Pastor Tunde Bakare's tapes one day abt fornication and adultery,and he shared a testimony abt a woman that started coming to his church,got herself so much involve with the church activities that almost everybody got to know her in the church.He said one day he was in his office alone and the woman came in saying she needs to discuss something with him and as soon as the woman came in,she took off all her clothes and said he has to sleep with her cos she has been wanting him for a long time.He said this woman is one of the most beautiful woman he has seen around.
Pastor Bakare went ahead and said the only thing that made him not to sleep with the woman was just the grace of God and he went ahead and said that just cos people look at Pastors up there like men of God,u have to remember that they r human and it is God that has to give u the grace and strength to resist temptations.
For the part of it ,am not saying u shd leave or not leave someone if the person cheats on u.The decision has to come from u.You just have to talk to the person and re-evaluate ur relationship and decide if u still want to be with the person,beacuse leaving the person does not mean u won't be cheated on again.
Like Miguel said as well,everybody is a cheating machine walking around,meaning everybody has a tendency to cheat,but the only thing that stops most of us from cheating is the grace of God and the will power within us.How many people will say they have not looked at or have some canal thots of at least one of their opposite or same sex(depends on which way u swing)in a sexual way before?If u have thatzcheating right there,that means if the opportunity presents itself u might do it.Thatz where God's grace and will power comes in.
I am not trying to contradict what other people's views r or anything,am just giving my views on the subject.
At 5:43 PM ,
Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...
Naijabloke, think of it, if someone cheats on u 'cos he has found someone better, the chances are very high that he'll cheat on u again. Apart from that, there'll be no trust in that r/ship, 'cos in as much as u try to forgive 'n forget the cheating incident, u'll keep on wondering if he's still cheating. You're absolutely right in saying it only takes the grace of God to be able to walk away from temptations.
Cheating, i think is when u act upon ur lustful desires. You can appreciate someone with a nice body as long as u don't take that too far.
At 6:07 PM ,
NaijaBloke said...
Yes if someone cheats on u cos he/she found someone better,definately u need to get the stepping,but what I am saying is that the person cheating on u does not necessarily mean that he found someone better than u.
Bijouxoxo,looking at someone lustfully is part of cheating,cos for u to look at another chic's a** and think .."DAMN thatz what am talking abt,wish I could tap that" means if the opportunity presents it;s self,u will tap that.Then another thing u need to know is that men act by what they see,so it is easy for men to fall into the temptations than women although we have some women that can surpass men.
Cheating is just like any other complicated issue u can decide to discuss,there is no set reason why people cheat,atimes u ask someone why he/she cheated and they can't even tell u.
Like one of my uncles said the only way he try to get out ot the temptations is he always try and convince himself that the chic is trying to tempt him is not as fine as his wife and with that he believes he does not need to.
At 7:30 AM ,
Teva said...
Lovely post miguel,
You've provided a rather impressive angle from which you've analysed the causes of cheating. However, I cant help but sense that there's a binge towards the woman's end of the equation when it comes to your suggestions regarding curbing cheats.
Are you invariably implying that there's no absolute cure for men's cheating habits? Especially as society seems to frown more at women cheats than men? Even Bijiouxoxo's comment about men beiing visual is simply a "men are visual " further buttresses my point. Don't you think "closing your legs" weighed against "dont be selfish" is a little gender guided?
I'm not trying to start a gender-war here because it will serve no purpose. All I'm saying is that no matter what,there will always be a sympathetic ear for a man's woes and his reasons for cheating. As such there's no absolute way to curb cheating...I advocate that you live according to your belief, because you'll definately get yours...Its that simple. Even the bible says it: 'dont be decieved, God is not mocked, whatever you sow, you'll definitely reap.'
At 11:38 PM ,
Anonymous said...
i really like this post miguel!
you have said it exactly like it is.
hmmmm definatley one i will share with my friends.
At 10:58 AM ,
Miguel said...
Want to thank you all for your comments...some great points have been made...
@belle ...i totally agree with you. I believe insecurities and selfishness comes as a result of not being grounded in the word.
@Bijou ...na u biko...I agree with your points and can understand why a person would be tempted to cheat if when the married their partner... male or femal, the person weighed M only for the person to weigh XXX... the bible is not void of advising people to take care of themselves.. your body is not yours... i must say though it still boils down to laziness on the part of both people involved...you can encourage your partner to hit the gym...its for better or for worse..what happens if the person gets involved in an accident that paralyzes them? ahhh...
@mphahlele...where have you been? checked out your site for updates but nada... hope all s well...thanks for coming through.
@Temmy my word for you is Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8; Everything in life has its time and reason... a time to weep..reason for growth... a time to laugh...reason for joy..a time to mourn ... reason for maturity ...a time to dance...reason for gratitude...God takes His beloved through it all...think of lessons you've learnt during challenging times and you'll discover this is no different...cry if you have to but remember sorrow may last BUT for a night but joy comes in the morning...your joy is here...You can't be found in mourning but you can be found when you dance..so give them your latest steps...
@THE LIFE OF A STRANGER CALLED ME... na wa oo i go shorten your name..cos by the time i type ur name finish na only pounded yam fit restore energy wey i don lose...lol... My dear but God, nothing else is a permanent fixture in your life...God out-lives even us..if you prayerfully submit your supplications to God and you sense peace in your decision, make that decision and don't look back... you will never lose whats best for you, if the decision you make leads you to pain, do me a favor..rather than complain..see what you can learn from it but remain steadfast... for if theres anything i know, every trial comes with a lesson...every lesson prvides a chance of success.
Since i am holed up this weekend in this town, i'll be posting what happened to me last weekend shortly.
@ Naijabloke...thanks for your views...
@TEVA...lol...na wa for you ooo...lol... naaa my intention wasn't to apportion blame on one gender over the other...but now that you've called me out...let me apologise if it came across that way... BUT i'll say this in all sincerity...I agree live according to your beliefs and pick according to your beliefs...I am a chirstian and i believe in Christ and the bible as the manual of Life...if i decide to pick someone who i am not evenly yoked with and she cheats on me, I DESERVE that...if i pick a person who i am evenly Yoked with (mind you i didn' say Angelina jolie look-a-like or Halle berry or Gabriele Union)...naaa someone that i am on the same spiritual plane with not some fly by night christian then i can boldly say that if she cheats on me "don't be deceived, God is not mocked..whatever a man(or woman) soweth, that will s/he reap", will definitely come to past. You can't pick a partner carnally, live carnally and when they cheat on you, you feel the need to quote the word...that in my opinion is comical... God HATES fornicators... its in the same bible...
As per sympathetic ear... when cases of people cheating on their spouse or a man or a lady courting reports the partner for cheating to the church, in most instances the man gets the more severe punishment! So again, it depends on what your standards are in a relationship.
At 12:30 AM ,
Anonymous said...
abeg! update your blog...!!
At 1:23 PM ,
NaijaBloke said...
Nna abeg update ya blog now.
I need to ask u how u uploaded the audio windows media files on to ur blog.
At 6:53 AM ,
Nneka's World said...
Hmm, very interesting......
Nice blog
At 1:36 PM ,
The Life of a Stranger called me said...
It is serioulsy true. Where is your blogg update.
At 7:52 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Dude, your time is OFF...bwahahahaha.
I'm tired of coming back to the same old blog...seriously..
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