Where do I start

Saturday, February 24, 2007

The scars of love

She walks by exuding the confidence that very few possess
Her hair like the mane of a horse neatly settled by her shoulder
Her smell like that of the ground after a heavy rain
Her strides comparable to those of a gazelle
Never stopping, always in a rush
She's beauty personified

Yes! she is beauty
Easy on the eye, with a smile that could cool any heart
Her teeth as white as the birth of snow from the sky
Her scent like the breeze from a palm tree in the middle of summer
Like warmth of a loved one in the middle of a chilly winter night

Her beauty is accentuated by the make-up she has on
As one admires the complimentary colors applied
You suddenly realize, her make-up covers the scar of love

The scar brought on by the hurt of the past
love given, love abused
Love shared, Love denied
friends made, friends lost
She's been hurt so many times
Promises made, all broken

After a few intimate words, you find her once soft heart has been replaced by rock
The expectation of a silky soft voice, replaced by the sound of clashing cymbals
The lights in her eyes are dim...no ray of hope even after the rain
She's been rained on so many times, her body knows no value
She's like a spectator as she has given her body to the satisfaction of others

The offer of love, friendship and companionship,
sounds like the term-sheet of a Shylock looking to lure his prey
seductive but rather dangerous
She's been down this path a million times, heard these words even more

Helpless I stand unable to help
But if only she'll allow me introduce her to one whom I know heals all and knows all
No! what is the point of having a belief especially when one can't believe
The life she's lived and the experiences she's had make it hard to
But I press on... I know one who is called love
who can love you like no other
I know one who sacrificed His only son just for my sake and your sake too
Alas her eyes lit up
Her beauty is even more pronounced
As she reaches out to feel His garment,
she's taken the step of hope, one of faith
As she begins to open up, slowly the scars of love disappear
At last she's willing to love and be loved
At last the ugly scars of love are gone
At last she's whole!
At last her yesterday is not as relevant as her tomorrow
At last! Yes! At last the sun can shine!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

15 years today!

I woke up today realizing its been 15 years since you left this world
16 years since we last spoke or I last saw your face
You left me at such an early age, making me a husband, father, brother and friend
As the years have gone on, the responsibilities have been greater
Each year I face a new challenge and I ask myself how would you have dealt with it?
As much as I thank God for the successes, I dread my failures and how they've been perceived
The times when my mistakes were tolerated, seem to have faded
these days I am made to pay for the simplest Mis-judgements
Mummy has cooled off (I bet you are in shock)...I have taken over the role of putting people in check
Your sons are now men and I must say they are all bigger than myself
I dread the day I try to get them to tow the line and they stomp on me
Your little princess is getting married...watching her grow has been an experience
The mistakes I've made have prepared me adequately for a daughter of my own

Anyway I thought I should drop a line, telling you I miss you
I realize you are in a better place but it's hard to believe you are not a phone call or a flight away.
Adieu daddy....I miss you terribly.

Monday, February 19, 2007

I think I've found her!

I think I've found her
the one that has eluded me all these years
I think I've found her
the one that I've searched for all this while
call off the search party. I think I've found her
the one who's beauty radiates my world
I think I've found her. I think I've found her
Hmmm Sounds like a story I've heard many times before
I think I've found her
only to find shes not the one
I think I've found her, has a way of bringing pain
That pain that comes from the realization she isn't the one
I think I've found her reminds me of another sad love song
that permeates each day I reminisce on what I thought I found
I think I've found her...I think I've found her
Faithfully I commit, physically, mentally and emotionally
cause trust me...I think I've found her
Question is has she found me?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Valentine Post-Mortem Part 1

Supppppppppppppppppppppppppp!!!! Happy New yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! yup my own new year starts after valentine... I truly think february 14th gives one a chance to refocus... the romance and atmosphere on Val's day always reminds me of the need to find the right partner that I am truly crazy about.

So I know a number of people are wondering how I eventually spent Val's day...well let's just say I kept to my plan though I had to shift everything to the later half of the day due to some group members of mine who insisted the best time to work on a paper due next week was VAL's day!!!!!!!!!! arggggggggggggg! ok wooooosaaaaaaaahhhhhh! there we go.... So I got a call from my mother, who of late has a knack for calling me about a matter that could range from her cell phone not working to issues understanding american kids....the funniest thing is conversation always starts out light and out of no where, she'll come up with the issue of settling down...man the lady is prepared to hand me over to any random babe..."ahhhh do you remember that girl that lived three houses away from us, I hear she just made her hair you should consider calling her"... the beauty of having lived here longer than my mum and her not being tech savy is, I can mimick the sound of static and she'll fall for it ...." shhhhhhhhh shshhhhhh shhhh hello hello ...mummy...can you hear me? helloooo...." Yes I can hear you ...its seems like we have a bad connection..call me later" ...lol....lol yeah I know its wicked but what to do?

Anyway I learnt from a friend that I am complicated...tell me something I dont already know! So we get into the whole conversation of why I tend to be difficult....Her issue resides in the fact that she feels when it comes to relationships, I don't fight to keep it even if its obvious I am crazy about the person....the ease with which I can pretend as if I am not hurting or would rather bear the hurt than work things out, amazes her... Well my dear the answer lies in "CASABLANCA"!

When you've been shocked, hurt and embarrassed in your past relationships, you inadvertently start to build a shell around you... one with set rules and principles, which if violated, leads to a point of no return... I make mistakes and I appreciate the fact that people aren't perfect but I've also learn't that there's no use accepting or compromising on values you feel strongly about... I truly believe when you keep compromising, you are no longer a partner in a relationship but rather a slave in it because sooner or later, you'll get fed up with the fact that you've compromised on things that you feel strongly about ...most times this happens, its wayyyy into the relationship...whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? don't put yourself through that...end it as soon as posible that way its easier for both parties to heal. I've realized more than ever before that when it comes to women, I tend not to take what they say (I don't believe in the school of thought that you should trust people until they give you reason not to but rather I believe trust should be earned). It's funny but I can count numerous occassions when I've heard a babe tell her boyfriend "I love you" but still she's either messing around with me or with someone I know... I also know of babes that actually claim to love a guy but immediately (and I mean IMMEDIATELY) the guy decides he can't reciprocate that love, she's on to the next chap in a matter of hours.....wow! I could continue but this post isn't intended to be a female bashing post but rather a revelation of who I am, what I believe and how I perceive love as it relates to being in a relationship.

For those that know me, when you watch Casablanca, you'll immediately relate Humphrey Bogarts role to my person. It's funny how I find myself continually trying to defend my position as it relates to how I choose to deal with women. So this Val's day as I sat on my couch, munching rice and dodo (in place of popcorn), it dawned on me.... there's a drastic difference between my principles and tolerance... I don't have tolerance...to a certain level in this time and age, we need to tolerate people a lot more... my problem with that is, in tolerating a person, I dread the possibility of permitting things or behaviors that don't conform to my ideologies.
I must say I look back now and I think as a person I have matured, as a christian I am learning more and more to allow God show His strength through my weakness... if all these hold, then I should be able to apply the same to the women i meet in my life...Why can't I? here are my reasons....(I trust most guys reaing this will go...thats right! and most ladies....probably hiss or in the case of Madam Teva, really give me a good hiding!...lol)

1. History - Just as you have a history, I have one too... if I am willing to reveal my dirty laundry in order to have an open and trusting relationship with you, I expect the same from you ... don't go about giving me fuzzy details...if I wanted fuzzy details I'll court the next babe I meet on the street. It's funny how some women feel guys haven't figured them out already ... you ask a girl these days how many guys they've been with and they come up with that magic number 4...do you ladies have a formula for this? oh well as a result of these (every action results in a counter-action), guys have developed their own model..it's called the Hump Growth model ... so for those of you that have done basic statistics you'll understand how we come about our calculation... so when we ask a lady how many guys they've been with and they go 4, we plot that number into our regression...the R-square comes out to be about 16% ...Meaning we do not have all the information we need within the sample size...so guys multiply that by a number between 2 and 6 (depending on the circumstance surrounding our meeting or where we met)... and when we stick that into our regression the R-square comes out to be about 93% ...lol... my point is listen your past is your past, if you've truly dealt with your past and you truly believe you are with a man you want to spend the rest of your life with then open up to him and be truthful...if things don't work out, at least the last thing he can accuse you of is not being sincere with him... if a man chooses to leave you because of your past then probably you don't want to be with that type of man in the first place... I remember having this conversation with a babe I was digging and when she asked me to reveal the number of people I had been with in my life, when I got to a certain number the babe asked me to stop... I could see the shock written all over her face...lol...let's just say it was priceless!... but seriously though I feel at peace revealing these things because I trust in God's word that old things have passed away and behold new things..... My relationship with God has ensured that I'll never return to my wild days again and I thank him for that because it's made me feel complete and whole again. I'll share a story with you guys... a few years ago a dude lost his dad....dude left Nigeria as a kid and hadn't been back there but for some strange reason was determined to marry a Naija babe...anyway he met a naija babe in London and started dating her...unbeknown to him ... this babe was known for her promiscious ways in a famous university in Nigeria... so fast forward a few months after dude calls his boys (naija guys) and tells them he's found his bride... before that dude sits down with babe to learn about her history...ol'girl tells dude she's only been with 4 guys in her life... let's just say she was under the impression dude only had britico friends (dude rushed into proposing to babae before he even had a chance to introduce her to his friends)...anyway we arranged an engagement party for the dude and as usual trust naijas those invited decided to invite other friends...anyway day of engagement you wouldnt believe that at least 8 of the guys there had been with the babe...(she later confessed to the dude that in fact they were still a number of others she had failed to mention..kinda like the case of Enron ... I don't know finance...lol...I don't do well with numbers..)... it hit dude baddd... I'd never seen anyone that down before..almost sucidal... anyway they eventually got married but I can tell you what they had to go through in order to set things straight and rebuild trust isnt something I'd want for my enemy... So the moral of my story is be open! if you made bad judgements in the past, let it be known and make it clear they were just that "BAD JUDGEMENTS!" cause the worst thing you want is a guy to find out otherwise even after he's married you...thats just ingridient for divorce or unhappiness.

To be continued......

Heading to the Harvard African Business Conference this weekend... I'll feed you gist when I return and post part II.... By the way lest I forget...(http://diamondhawk.blogspot.com) has got an interesting thing going "Bachelorette" ... I actually went on there and I must say as funny as the Bachelors are, I find the comments by the ladies even more interesting...it's funny how people try to analyze others but in the process get analyzed...lol... read the comments and let me know if you agree with my statement...can you tell the ladies that have had happy experiences and those that haven't? I can....

I also want to give a huge shout out to a lady that I have become a fan of her work....JAYCEE!(http://light-her-lamp.blogspot.com) I hardly do this but I can't but shout out a lady that God has blessed for our time..her ability to take God's word create an analogy with our present day living can only be as a result of the anointing!!! ...You go girl! Speak that word, share that word, for in due season the Lord will reward the works of your hands...as you bless others may you be blessed abundantly, beyond all that you can imagine!

Alright I have a flight to catch....have a blessed weekend y'all..... Tunde I am calling a truce oooo.. but if your head strong like Saddam, keep posting jibberish....I'll send you shock and Awe... by the way you better chase Temmy cause after her no other babe for you ooo...lol!..cradle snatcher!.... okay our truce starts now ...lol!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentine as a single man!

So I am currently stuck in an airport somewhere in the NorthEast region and since I have nothing better to do, I've decided to blog about my plans for vals day (not that you care). Thinking about tomorrow has me feeling low... I can't remember the last time I truly had a valentine...all I remember is as years have gone by and I have watched lovers and couples hold hands, exchange endearments, lock lips and stare at each other, my feeling of loneliness seems to compound...tomorrow I dread the same. So in an attempt to practice what I preach, I've decided to make the most of tomorrow...I plan to Val myself...yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee... so I'll let you guys into the world of a single man and how he spends vals day.

Now if you are a single guy or single lady facing the prospect of spending valentines day alone, you are welcome to share in my events for the day.... Now in order to get the best out of tomorrow, you'll need the following
1) A sad movie (cassablanca, The Champ, Armagedon, Titanic)
2) Andrea Boccelli's CD - Under the desert sky or Diana Krall
3)A warm cover
4) Track downs or pj's
5) Popcorn or ground nut (your preference)
6) Towel or tissue (very important!!!)

First thing you want to do is switch off your cell phone...this is extremely IMPORTANT!!! ... if you live with people, you might want to lock yourself in your room (trust me its worth it!)
Second thing you want to do is either dim your lights or switch them off...we need to create the mood... if you are a candle or incense person, feel free to burn whichever...

Now slot the movie into your dvd, sit back, relax and watch...while chewing on your popcorn...
in order to get the best out of this expereince, the movie has to be a tear jerker (so play something romantic). Now you'll get to a point where you feel the tears rolling down your eyes (guys don't front! YOU CRY!)...don't stop the tears...wail as much as you can... once the movie is over, play the CD....if you wailed while the movie was on, you are guaranteed to wail when as the cd plays... so keep wailing... trust me when you've done all this, you'll appreciate yourself and situation better.....lol!!! ....

Mannnnn...it's no wonder why I am still single.... pass the kleenex please!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

I'm still standing!!!

I'm still standing.... I'm still standing...I'm still standing but by the grace of God. I wish I could blame the freezing weather for my absence or my packed schedule but I'll only be lying... I haven't felt the passion to write despite the fact I've had a lot happen to me that I would have loved to share.

I couldn't sleep through out last night so I spent the time praying and praising God... It's funny how through your hurt, if you find enough time to seek God, He sends a word that comforts you...So while praying, I came across a passage in the bible (2 Corinthians 4: 6-18)

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels,
that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us
We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed-----
always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.
For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus
also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.
So then death is working in us, but life in you.
And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written,
"I believed and therefore I spoke," we also believe and therefore speak.
Knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus,
and will present us with you.
For all things are for your sakes that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart .Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the
inward man is being renewed day by day.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.
While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

I realize that was a long passage but after reading that, it hit me....Talk as much as you want about me...Dog me as much as it pleases you ... Lie about me in order to make yourself look better, feel better or be received better...But guess what when all is said and done, I WILL STILL BE STANDING.

For how long will I try to fight my battles, for how long will I try to correct the lies of men... For how long will I continue to defend myself? It's hurts but I can't but imagine that the Lord I serve went through greater pains but yet was glorified.

Today I thank God for all the persecutions, now I understand what He has been trying to teach me.."They will come at you like bees, with stings of death but on your behalf I will set a standard". Like in the times of Joshua, I will sing my praise aloud to you Lord, knowing that you are my rock and my refuge.

I realize my last two posts have been downers but hey! If I can't share with you guys my hurt, then why share my joy! Sorrow may last for a night but joy comes in the morning...My morning is here!