Valentine Post-Mortem Part 1

Supppppppppppppppppppppppppp!!!! Happy New yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! yup my own new year starts after valentine... I truly think february 14th gives one a chance to refocus... the romance and atmosphere on Val's day always reminds me of the need to find the right partner that I am truly crazy about.

So I know a number of people are wondering how I eventually spent Val's day...well let's just say I kept to my plan though I had to shift everything to the later half of the day due to some group members of mine who insisted the best time to work on a paper due next week was VAL's day!!!!!!!!!! arggggggggggggg! ok wooooosaaaaaaaahhhhhh! there we go.... So I got a call from my mother, who of late has a knack for calling me about a matter that could range from her cell phone not working to issues understanding american kids....the funniest thing is conversation always starts out light and out of no where, she'll come up with the issue of settling down...man the lady is prepared to hand me over to any random babe..."ahhhh do you remember that girl that lived three houses away from us, I hear she just made her hair you should consider calling her"... the beauty of having lived here longer than my mum and her not being tech savy is, I can mimick the sound of static and she'll fall for it ...." shhhhhhhhh shshhhhhh shhhh hello hello ...mummy...can you hear me? helloooo...." Yes I can hear you ...its seems like we have a bad connection..call me later" ...lol....lol yeah I know its wicked but what to do?

Anyway I learnt from a friend that I am complicated...tell me something I dont already know! So we get into the whole conversation of why I tend to be difficult....Her issue resides in the fact that she feels when it comes to relationships, I don't fight to keep it even if its obvious I am crazy about the person....the ease with which I can pretend as if I am not hurting or would rather bear the hurt than work things out, amazes her... Well my dear the answer lies in "CASABLANCA"!

When you've been shocked, hurt and embarrassed in your past relationships, you inadvertently start to build a shell around you... one with set rules and principles, which if violated, leads to a point of no return... I make mistakes and I appreciate the fact that people aren't perfect but I've also learn't that there's no use accepting or compromising on values you feel strongly about... I truly believe when you keep compromising, you are no longer a partner in a relationship but rather a slave in it because sooner or later, you'll get fed up with the fact that you've compromised on things that you feel strongly about ...most times this happens, its wayyyy into the relationship...whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? don't put yourself through that...end it as soon as posible that way its easier for both parties to heal. I've realized more than ever before that when it comes to women, I tend not to take what they say (I don't believe in the school of thought that you should trust people until they give you reason not to but rather I believe trust should be earned). It's funny but I can count numerous occassions when I've heard a babe tell her boyfriend "I love you" but still she's either messing around with me or with someone I know... I also know of babes that actually claim to love a guy but immediately (and I mean IMMEDIATELY) the guy decides he can't reciprocate that love, she's on to the next chap in a matter of hours.....wow! I could continue but this post isn't intended to be a female bashing post but rather a revelation of who I am, what I believe and how I perceive love as it relates to being in a relationship.

For those that know me, when you watch Casablanca, you'll immediately relate Humphrey Bogarts role to my person. It's funny how I find myself continually trying to defend my position as it relates to how I choose to deal with women. So this Val's day as I sat on my couch, munching rice and dodo (in place of popcorn), it dawned on me.... there's a drastic difference between my principles and tolerance... I don't have tolerance...to a certain level in this time and age, we need to tolerate people a lot more... my problem with that is, in tolerating a person, I dread the possibility of permitting things or behaviors that don't conform to my ideologies.
I must say I look back now and I think as a person I have matured, as a christian I am learning more and more to allow God show His strength through my weakness... if all these hold, then I should be able to apply the same to the women i meet in my life...Why can't I? here are my reasons....(I trust most guys reaing this will go...thats right! and most ladies....probably hiss or in the case of Madam Teva, really give me a good hiding!...lol)

1. History - Just as you have a history, I have one too... if I am willing to reveal my dirty laundry in order to have an open and trusting relationship with you, I expect the same from you ... don't go about giving me fuzzy details...if I wanted fuzzy details I'll court the next babe I meet on the street. It's funny how some women feel guys haven't figured them out already ... you ask a girl these days how many guys they've been with and they come up with that magic number 4...do you ladies have a formula for this? oh well as a result of these (every action results in a counter-action), guys have developed their own model..it's called the Hump Growth model ... so for those of you that have done basic statistics you'll understand how we come about our calculation... so when we ask a lady how many guys they've been with and they go 4, we plot that number into our regression...the R-square comes out to be about 16% ...Meaning we do not have all the information we need within the sample size...so guys multiply that by a number between 2 and 6 (depending on the circumstance surrounding our meeting or where we met)... and when we stick that into our regression the R-square comes out to be about 93% ...lol... my point is listen your past is your past, if you've truly dealt with your past and you truly believe you are with a man you want to spend the rest of your life with then open up to him and be truthful...if things don't work out, at least the last thing he can accuse you of is not being sincere with him... if a man chooses to leave you because of your past then probably you don't want to be with that type of man in the first place... I remember having this conversation with a babe I was digging and when she asked me to reveal the number of people I had been with in my life, when I got to a certain number the babe asked me to stop... I could see the shock written all over her face...lol...let's just say it was priceless!... but seriously though I feel at peace revealing these things because I trust in God's word that old things have passed away and behold new things..... My relationship with God has ensured that I'll never return to my wild days again and I thank him for that because it's made me feel complete and whole again. I'll share a story with you guys... a few years ago a dude lost his dad....dude left Nigeria as a kid and hadn't been back there but for some strange reason was determined to marry a Naija babe...anyway he met a naija babe in London and started dating her...unbeknown to him ... this babe was known for her promiscious ways in a famous university in Nigeria... so fast forward a few months after dude calls his boys (naija guys) and tells them he's found his bride... before that dude sits down with babe to learn about her history...ol'girl tells dude she's only been with 4 guys in her life... let's just say she was under the impression dude only had britico friends (dude rushed into proposing to babae before he even had a chance to introduce her to his friends)...anyway we arranged an engagement party for the dude and as usual trust naijas those invited decided to invite other friends...anyway day of engagement you wouldnt believe that at least 8 of the guys there had been with the babe...(she later confessed to the dude that in fact they were still a number of others she had failed to mention..kinda like the case of Enron ... I don't know finance...lol...I don't do well with numbers..)... it hit dude baddd... I'd never seen anyone that down before..almost sucidal... anyway they eventually got married but I can tell you what they had to go through in order to set things straight and rebuild trust isnt something I'd want for my enemy... So the moral of my story is be open! if you made bad judgements in the past, let it be known and make it clear they were just that "BAD JUDGEMENTS!" cause the worst thing you want is a guy to find out otherwise even after he's married you...thats just ingridient for divorce or unhappiness.

To be continued......

Heading to the Harvard African Business Conference this weekend... I'll feed you gist when I return and post part II.... By the way lest I forget...(http://diamondhawk.blogspot.com) has got an interesting thing going "Bachelorette" ... I actually went on there and I must say as funny as the Bachelors are, I find the comments by the ladies even more interesting...it's funny how people try to analyze others but in the process get analyzed...lol... read the comments and let me know if you agree with my statement...can you tell the ladies that have had happy experiences and those that haven't? I can....

I also want to give a huge shout out to a lady that I have become a fan of her work....JAYCEE!(http://light-her-lamp.blogspot.com) I hardly do this but I can't but shout out a lady that God has blessed for our time..her ability to take God's word create an analogy with our present day living can only be as a result of the anointing!!! ...You go girl! Speak that word, share that word, for in due season the Lord will reward the works of your hands...as you bless others may you be blessed abundantly, beyond all that you can imagine!

Alright I have a flight to catch....have a blessed weekend y'all..... Tunde I am calling a truce oooo.. but if your head strong like Saddam, keep posting jibberish....I'll send you shock and Awe... by the way you better chase Temmy cause after her no other babe for you ooo...lol!..cradle snatcher!.... okay our truce starts now ...lol!