Is she the one?
After my last entry, I didn't think I'd be making another one so soon but something came up and I felt I might as well share it on here while it's still fresh.
First off, as we've come to the end of another year, let me take this time to thank all of you for coming by my blog, making comments, sending me questions and challenging my views...I've totally enjoyed those interactions and they've helped me tremendously in my daily living and my views on life. I have made a number of friends...friendships that I know will last a lifetime. It'll be callous of me not to recognise the fact that I have also offended a number of people in my attempt to share my views and to those I have offended, I say without reservation, I am sorry.
So what's brought me back so soon? Well here is the gist
A friend (I'll call him Junior) is seriously considering dating a beautiful lady (I'll call her Pretty)... side-step (do you remember the group Junior and pretty? lol)...It's 2 am here and trust me coming up with unique monikers isn't as easy as you think. So you'll have to accept Junior and Pretty for now..lol...He introduced Pretty to me and wanted my assessment (I hear some asking is she a piece of land that needs assessment? lol). Thanks Junior for giving me a chance to share my thoughts on here and I invite everyone to chime in. As always I am going to be my usual self (i.e. blunt, direct and em em em...I forget the last one)
If you need my opinion
Dude if you need my opinion in order to decide if Pretty is the one...then She isn't! No man should determine where your heart should lie or with whom you should be in love with. If you've sought the face of God and He's told you she's the one then regardless of how your friends feel or what they say, it shouldn't matter. The only reason we run around seeking approval from friends is because we've failed to seek God's face. God should be the first and last word you depend on when finding a life partner.
What is her belief?
Prior to presenting anyone to God, clearly have the basics out of the way. For me, one basic question is...is he/she a believer? Understand that the fact that he/she is a believer in no way means they are without faults or flaws but just means when the going gets tough you both will have a common ground in terms of dispute resolution. When asked my thoughts on Muslims marrying Christians, my answer is usually NO. I truly believe a Muslim should marry another Muslim because they'll clearly share the same values and have a better understanding, which would hopefully reduce the amount of strife the relationship would face. If you find fault in this logic, then there are two passages in the bible that clearly back me 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 instructs: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” In Amos 3:3, we are asked "Can two walk together unless they are agreed?"
My family
It's funny how many people rush into serious relationships without taking the time out to ask their potential partners about family. Their family background, how they perceive family, what kind of family they'll want, the influence of family members e.t.c. Forgive me but we are not all from harmonious homes, some of us don't like a huge family and some of us can't sneeze without getting permission from our family. You need to know and be comfortable with her family because whether you like it or not, when you marry him/her you are marrying the family. The bible in Genesis 2:2 states " Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". If only this held in the world we live in today...I bet the number of happy, fulfilled marriages would be higher than they are now...In-laws with limited influence...But the sad truth in today's marriages is the fact that men don't have the backbone to stand up to their families in order to protect their homes and it's no different from some wives. So dude ask those questions NOW!!!
Soldier come, Soldier go!
Are your goals and plans aligned? While you are eager to move back to Nigeria, I doubt she shares the same sentiments. I know quite often we hear the church folks say "wherever the Husband goes so does the wife. So you really don't need to worry if she'll move with you". My thoughts differ completely from those of church folks. I believe each person has the right to live out their dreams, whatever that may be. The last thing I want is my partner to be living my dream because truly that is where regrets set in and frustrations manifest in marriages... I believe if she's the one for you, your goals and dreams will be aligned. So it's important you ask her where she sees herself, find out if she's flexible and understand her motivation (Yes ooo these days folks accept almost anything just to be married, in the hope they can change things around after the wedding).
Beauty and time
There are two types of beauty- the inner beauty (character) and the outer beauty (physical). Most men (myself included) are attracted by the outer beauty...most times we are willing to ignore certain "must-haves" due to how beautiful the lady is. In order to conquer this, I ask myself one question and remind myself of another fact... I ask myself "Will she still be attractive to me and the wife I desire if she were involved in a ghastly car accident? (yeah I realize the things I think about could lead you to question my sanity..lol) and I remind myself that other than my mother, Tina Turner and a couple other older ladies I've come across in my lifetime, beauty doesn't last forever!!! My advice is that you read Proverbs 31:10-31 ... the passage talks about a virtuous wife (virtuous-Morally excellent) and ask yourself if Pretty has those qualities...pay particular attention to verse 30 " Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."
Have you prayed today?
Last but certainly not the least...Probably the first thing you should do is prayyyyyyyyyy!!! God desires that you have the best in life. If she'll bring you joy (mark my words JOY not happiness ... happiness is but for a moment!) then that is the woman God desires for you. Pray and pray again for in time, if you are sincere about your desires and God's will for your life, he'll reveal to you whether she is the one or not. Matthew 7:9-119 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! "
I will end by sharing a story with you (Junior I shared the beginning of this story with you but here is the end)...I met a girl who met all the physical qualities I desired in a wife (beautiful, dark, sexy, smart and passionate about change in Nigeria). We got talking (conversation over the phone was top-notch) and then one day we decided we should meet up again (she lived in a different State and we hadn't seen each other after our first meeting). I prayed about it but for some strange reason, couldn't find the peace I longed for within me...Why? because I was too scared to ask the pertinent questions for fear that her answers might not gel with me. Oh well! I got into town and not long after, I started to experience what turned out to be the worst weekend escape I've ever had (no joke!!!). As she openly shared with me her thoughts on life and her beliefs, it became apparent to me that we were clearly from different worlds. As she spoke, I kept speaking in tongues under my breath...why? Because I couldn't believe that a babe that matched all the physical qualities I desired in a wife had such a different view on life...I kept hoping that as I spoke in tongues whatever spirit was controlling her would release her...lol..
1. She couldn't be in a relationship where there was no sex
2. She was open to her man cheating on her because in her words" All men cheat"
3. She had been a physically abusive relationship in the past and clearly believed it was okay... though she had learnt to fight back.
4. Believed there was God but He was only good to call on when one was confused
5. She was shocked I had booked a hotel rather than staying with her.
Even after she had mentioned these things, I still refused to budge..Why? Because my flesh desired her and was willing to ignore the vitals. Finally, as I took a cab ride to my hotel, I kept praying but I knew a decision had to be made...it was either I went after the babe and backslide completely or I trust God and let go of her trusting that He had someone better in store for me. As I got to my hotel, she called...I told her my decision..she asked if we could still be friends. I agreed but kept my distance because I knew my feelings for her were overwhelming and I could crack under the slightest pressure. A few months later, she started dating a guy I knew and based on her choice I could see them doing well together. Now if I had asked the pertinent questions like if she was a believer or not...would I have gone through this or taken her through this?
God has a special plan for you...even if it seems to be taking forever for that partner to come, waitttttt...delay is not denial! I'd rather be the last dude on earth to marry and be happy than be amongst the first to marry and be miserable.
Hopefully as you read this, you'll find a way to getting the answers you need. To those like myself going through the city of singledom, enjoy it! discover yourself and what God has called you to be...prepare yourself, equip yourself (like the 5 brides did as they waited for the groom)...for when the time is right, you'll look back and rejoice in the fact you waited for the right one and you made the right choice.
Disclaimer: All grammatical and spelling errors are the fault of a sleepy left eye.
Today would have been my dad's birthday! I trust you are resting in the bossom of the almighty.
First off, as we've come to the end of another year, let me take this time to thank all of you for coming by my blog, making comments, sending me questions and challenging my views...I've totally enjoyed those interactions and they've helped me tremendously in my daily living and my views on life. I have made a number of friends...friendships that I know will last a lifetime. It'll be callous of me not to recognise the fact that I have also offended a number of people in my attempt to share my views and to those I have offended, I say without reservation, I am sorry.
So what's brought me back so soon? Well here is the gist
A friend (I'll call him Junior) is seriously considering dating a beautiful lady (I'll call her Pretty)... side-step (do you remember the group Junior and pretty? lol)...It's 2 am here and trust me coming up with unique monikers isn't as easy as you think. So you'll have to accept Junior and Pretty for now..lol...He introduced Pretty to me and wanted my assessment (I hear some asking is she a piece of land that needs assessment? lol). Thanks Junior for giving me a chance to share my thoughts on here and I invite everyone to chime in. As always I am going to be my usual self (i.e. blunt, direct and em em em...I forget the last one)
If you need my opinion
Dude if you need my opinion in order to decide if Pretty is the one...then She isn't! No man should determine where your heart should lie or with whom you should be in love with. If you've sought the face of God and He's told you she's the one then regardless of how your friends feel or what they say, it shouldn't matter. The only reason we run around seeking approval from friends is because we've failed to seek God's face. God should be the first and last word you depend on when finding a life partner.
What is her belief?
Prior to presenting anyone to God, clearly have the basics out of the way. For me, one basic question is...is he/she a believer? Understand that the fact that he/she is a believer in no way means they are without faults or flaws but just means when the going gets tough you both will have a common ground in terms of dispute resolution. When asked my thoughts on Muslims marrying Christians, my answer is usually NO. I truly believe a Muslim should marry another Muslim because they'll clearly share the same values and have a better understanding, which would hopefully reduce the amount of strife the relationship would face. If you find fault in this logic, then there are two passages in the bible that clearly back me 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 instructs: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” In Amos 3:3, we are asked "Can two walk together unless they are agreed?"
My family
It's funny how many people rush into serious relationships without taking the time out to ask their potential partners about family. Their family background, how they perceive family, what kind of family they'll want, the influence of family members e.t.c. Forgive me but we are not all from harmonious homes, some of us don't like a huge family and some of us can't sneeze without getting permission from our family. You need to know and be comfortable with her family because whether you like it or not, when you marry him/her you are marrying the family. The bible in Genesis 2:2 states " Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". If only this held in the world we live in today...I bet the number of happy, fulfilled marriages would be higher than they are now...In-laws with limited influence...But the sad truth in today's marriages is the fact that men don't have the backbone to stand up to their families in order to protect their homes and it's no different from some wives. So dude ask those questions NOW!!!
Soldier come, Soldier go!
Are your goals and plans aligned? While you are eager to move back to Nigeria, I doubt she shares the same sentiments. I know quite often we hear the church folks say "wherever the Husband goes so does the wife. So you really don't need to worry if she'll move with you". My thoughts differ completely from those of church folks. I believe each person has the right to live out their dreams, whatever that may be. The last thing I want is my partner to be living my dream because truly that is where regrets set in and frustrations manifest in marriages... I believe if she's the one for you, your goals and dreams will be aligned. So it's important you ask her where she sees herself, find out if she's flexible and understand her motivation (Yes ooo these days folks accept almost anything just to be married, in the hope they can change things around after the wedding).
Beauty and time
There are two types of beauty- the inner beauty (character) and the outer beauty (physical). Most men (myself included) are attracted by the outer beauty...most times we are willing to ignore certain "must-haves" due to how beautiful the lady is. In order to conquer this, I ask myself one question and remind myself of another fact... I ask myself "Will she still be attractive to me and the wife I desire if she were involved in a ghastly car accident? (yeah I realize the things I think about could lead you to question my sanity..lol) and I remind myself that other than my mother, Tina Turner and a couple other older ladies I've come across in my lifetime, beauty doesn't last forever!!! My advice is that you read Proverbs 31:10-31 ... the passage talks about a virtuous wife (virtuous-Morally excellent) and ask yourself if Pretty has those qualities...pay particular attention to verse 30 " Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."
Have you prayed today?
Last but certainly not the least...Probably the first thing you should do is prayyyyyyyyyy!!! God desires that you have the best in life. If she'll bring you joy (mark my words JOY not happiness ... happiness is but for a moment!) then that is the woman God desires for you. Pray and pray again for in time, if you are sincere about your desires and God's will for your life, he'll reveal to you whether she is the one or not. Matthew 7:9-119 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! "
I will end by sharing a story with you (Junior I shared the beginning of this story with you but here is the end)...I met a girl who met all the physical qualities I desired in a wife (beautiful, dark, sexy, smart and passionate about change in Nigeria). We got talking (conversation over the phone was top-notch) and then one day we decided we should meet up again (she lived in a different State and we hadn't seen each other after our first meeting). I prayed about it but for some strange reason, couldn't find the peace I longed for within me...Why? because I was too scared to ask the pertinent questions for fear that her answers might not gel with me. Oh well! I got into town and not long after, I started to experience what turned out to be the worst weekend escape I've ever had (no joke!!!). As she openly shared with me her thoughts on life and her beliefs, it became apparent to me that we were clearly from different worlds. As she spoke, I kept speaking in tongues under my breath...why? Because I couldn't believe that a babe that matched all the physical qualities I desired in a wife had such a different view on life...I kept hoping that as I spoke in tongues whatever spirit was controlling her would release her...lol..
1. She couldn't be in a relationship where there was no sex
2. She was open to her man cheating on her because in her words" All men cheat"
3. She had been a physically abusive relationship in the past and clearly believed it was okay... though she had learnt to fight back.
4. Believed there was God but He was only good to call on when one was confused
5. She was shocked I had booked a hotel rather than staying with her.
Even after she had mentioned these things, I still refused to budge..Why? Because my flesh desired her and was willing to ignore the vitals. Finally, as I took a cab ride to my hotel, I kept praying but I knew a decision had to be made...it was either I went after the babe and backslide completely or I trust God and let go of her trusting that He had someone better in store for me. As I got to my hotel, she called...I told her my decision..she asked if we could still be friends. I agreed but kept my distance because I knew my feelings for her were overwhelming and I could crack under the slightest pressure. A few months later, she started dating a guy I knew and based on her choice I could see them doing well together. Now if I had asked the pertinent questions like if she was a believer or not...would I have gone through this or taken her through this?
God has a special plan for you...even if it seems to be taking forever for that partner to come, waitttttt...delay is not denial! I'd rather be the last dude on earth to marry and be happy than be amongst the first to marry and be miserable.
Hopefully as you read this, you'll find a way to getting the answers you need. To those like myself going through the city of singledom, enjoy it! discover yourself and what God has called you to be...prepare yourself, equip yourself (like the 5 brides did as they waited for the groom)...for when the time is right, you'll look back and rejoice in the fact you waited for the right one and you made the right choice.
Disclaimer: All grammatical and spelling errors are the fault of a sleepy left eye.
Today would have been my dad's birthday! I trust you are resting in the bossom of the almighty.
posted by Spicy @ 1:53 AM
2 Comments:
At 5:20 PM ,
Rare Gem said...
Me gusto su blog.just discovered it.
i concur with you. it behooves one to have his/her eyes wide open when choosing a mate. if you don't share the same values, beliefs in God. it is better to let the relationship go. What ever one compromises with while dating, one will always have to compromise that same thing in one's marriage. you can not expect the person to change after the vows. It is better to be forthcoming and make one'expectations known from the get go. open and honest communication, while yielding to God's will eliminates unneccesary drama.
prayer saved me from falling victim to a decitful guy, who was so keen on marrying me, always talked about our future together . He was very secretive about his past and did not inform me of his previous marriage and the fact that he had a child. He had no intentions of telling me.
God revealed these and other things about him to me. so i questioned him and he confessed.
Be ware of wolves in sheeps clothing.
At 9:49 AM ,
The Life of a Stranger called me said...
My goodness. You really are on point. Shame about the story though. How have you been? Made that decision yet.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home