Where do I start

Friday, December 22, 2006

Why it's easy to walk away

Hello worlddddddddddddddddd! (I need to come up with a different way of greeting folks)... Hope you all are having fun and enjoying the season; As we shop and chop, let us keep in mind the reason for the season.

Anyway I have been good...Preparing for Christmas... Still haven't bought Christmas gifts yet cause I am still pondering on whether to be cheap and look for a reason to defend why I wont be giving out gifts this year (Probably tell my mum "the significance of Christmas isn't the exchanging of gifts but rather the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ)...hmmm...I trust she'll have a bible passage that says otherwise...Oh well I guess after posting this I'll swing by the stores to indulge myself ..lol...

I'll attempt to keep today's post as short as possible, giving others a chance to contribute... The title of this post has been adjusted to convey what I feel is the true state of affairs. Temmytayo had requested I write about why it's easy for men to walk away.

I truly don' think its a gender issue but rather an issue that arises based on different circumstances and situations people find within a relationship. As usual, let me start by saying that I am no authority in this subject-matter but only stating an opinion based on what I have experienced.

There are various reasons why its easy for people to walk away from relationships. I'll start with the most obvious and then go from there (for all I know, some people might be familiar with all).

Selfish : I truly believe from the onset of every relationship, the parties involved have an idea of their true intentions. The problem is most times both parties don't take the time out to assess if they want the same thing!!! There is a part A and part B to this section. The part A happens to be guys who clearly know when they meet a lady that their interests lie strictly in the physical assets the lady possesses. Their aim from the point when they initiate contact with the lady is to ensure they gain access to those assets and do with them as they please till they find another... My people call this Chop! Clean mouth! Or Open and Close!
(once she opens, case is closed!!). This act leaves the woman emotionally distressed (though I must say these days you meet quite a number of women who have turned sex into a hobby and they take their hobbies serious!..lol)... Part B of this deals with the ladies...Some ladies after a certain age (cough! cough!! Oops here comes another COUGH!!!) are so desperate to settle down that the tiny issue of love is relegated in search of comfort and spoils. These ladies walk into relationships or condition guys in the hope that their temporal show, will lead to a full-time gig (marriage)...When these ladies discover that the guy is just as smart in their game as they are, they walk away...If the guy fell in love during the process, he lives to bare the scar. Most times it takes but a minute for these ladies to be seen with another potential... They date without restriction or conviction!

Nothing invested Nothing Gained: It's always easy to walk away from a relationships you've invested nothing in. It's tough to walk away from a relationship where you've given your all, invested your time and energy on.

Issues beyond our control: Issues like religion (in my case at least), come into mind when I think about this group. I simply wont marry an unbeliever regardless of how I feel and I must say I will find it extremely easy to walk away. In life we all have priorities and depending on how you've placed yours in the ladder of wisdom, could affect how you feel walking away from a relationship... My ladder of wisdom looks something like this
So as you can see if I find myself in a relationship where my partner decides to become an atheist, I will find it really easy walking away.

Multiple-Personality : This happens quite often...You meet a person and you think of them in one light only to find that like the disco bulb, they come in many lights. This is enough reason for me to walk especially if I find that my bulb isn't compatible with the many lights. I realize a number of people will argue that you never truly know your partner even after you've been married for years....I agree but I bet you have a good hold of what it is they are capable of doing and clearly what they are incapable of doing.

Macho-ism: You find this particularly in guys. Sometimes when a guy walks away, trust me he is hurting and hurting bad...For the sake of "pride" dude would rather bare the pain than be seen to be "soft". So though he might say those harsh words, act heartless, some guys do hurt and walking away is the best or only way they know how to deal with things....Its the easy way!

Psychological: You find this trend especially in people who have experienced neglect by either their father, mother or guardian while growing up... Kids from broken homes also find it easy to walk away from relationships because their upbringing has conditioned them that way. A child that sees or learns that one parent walked away from the other if not brought up properly with and in love, could subconsciously display such at adulthood.

Most of the points I have mentioned above are avoidable. I'll touch on the one that I feel will help majority of my readers.

No sex! No entanglement!!: It is easy to walk away from a relationship when there are no entanglements. Try putting off sex from your relationship especially when you initially meet a guy or lady (I know it might be tough...lol...)...See how long they last and if they remain the same through the period...Especially if you are hard on your stance of NO sex! Sex involves a lot of emotions ... Without sex in a relationship, it's easy for people to walk away with little or no hurt and even if hurt exists after the break-up, it takes a shorter period of time to overcome. A guy who is with you for sex will simply walk away or seek sex elsewhere in the hope that continually pressuring you will lead you to give in... A woman would do the same thing!

Reminds me of a saying I think I first heard from a very close friend of mine when I was going through something similar... "Like a bird, let her go..If she was yours, she'll come back but if she doesn't , she never was" the problem I have when I hear people say this to others is, no one talks about how to deal with the pain and disappointment...So being the fellow that I am ...I decided to come up with a great finish...clearing my throat...Cough cough cough... Do re mi fa so la ti do... Ok here goes (feel free to change as your heart pleases)

Like a bird let her GO,
If she was yours, she'll come back
but if she doesn't, she never was
Thank goodness, I wont have to run on her menstrual cycle!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h ah aha ah aha... (hmm that was rather dry...)

So now that I am done blabbing, in your opinion why do you think people find it easy to walk away from relationships and what can people do to counter that or deal with that?

Anyway if I fail to blog before Christmas, here is a Merry Christmas to everyone ... just in case I don't blog before the New Year...Happy New yearrrrrrrrrrrrr.

By the way ...lest I forget .. I have tried posting comments on peoples blogs and for some strange reason I cant seem to log on to have my comment posted...wharrris going on? wharra hell?


  • At 3:11 PM , Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

    woow - what a list. I am so glad for the first time, I never found myself in any of your categories, hence why it takes me a while to move unto the next, but happy to walk away.

    Very Nice write up though.

    on the small print, uve been missing in action. If you dont have blog beta, its difficult to leave a comment on blogger beta. That was the problem I faced which was why I moved. But it wasnt a smooth move. Im glad I didnt loose my posts though. Seek advice first.

    On that Note - Have a berry merry fabulous christmas and a very blessed 2007.

    Many have complained about, but some enjoy it.

  • At 6:35 PM , Blogger NaijaBloke said...

    Hmmm...Bros Miguello ..nice list .

    We still have Family issues and bad sex issues(especially on the sistahs side) as well ..

    Merry Xmas jere and no too chop o

    Abt beta blogger ..that beta blogger na crap and the commenting issue is an off and on thing ..just try it again later and it will work

  • At 6:36 PM , Blogger Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

    Miggie baba, may God help YOU!!! Most of the things u said are true, but get ready to be fired from all angles. The purpose of starting a r/ship isn't it to see if it'll lead to marriage? Anything wrong with that? Please explain what u mean by "ladies walk into relationships or condition guys in the hope that their temporal show, will lead to a full-time gig." Even if the other person's priorities change, if u've invested lodsa time in that r/ship it's still very difficult to walk away. "When a guy walks away, trust me he is hurting and hurting bad." Why don't i believe that? Except one's a coward. If a girl is hurting, u'd know 'cos she'll talk u to death about it. It's so so true that it's easy to walk away without much guilt when there's no sex involved. R/ships are already complicated as they are, adding sex makes it worse. It's no small feat tryna know someone and love 'em despite their flaws. Sex IMHO just gives u a biased view. Plus, how would one feel, after giving of herself/ himself and the guy walks away just like that. Humiliation of the highest order. You seem to have everything covered. What's up with these dry jokes u're cracking, eh? Have a wonderful Christmas and a blessed new year. Now, get to shopping and stop tryna inherit Ijebu genes.

  • At 12:30 AM , Anonymous Folake said...

    Miguel, PLEASE COULD U Give your opinion concerning people of the same blood type. What is your take on it? What would you say to one who her boyfriend walked out on her 'cos of their bloodtype, being AS, and him being AS also? Spiritually, is it wrong?

  • At 2:31 AM , Blogger Miguel said...

    @TLOASCM -lol...have a smashing Christmas
    @Naijabloke- My guy scenarios plenty ooo...U too have a merry Christmas...Dis one wey all the babes wan die for your neck na where you go come spend Christmas?
    @Cherub - Formerly known as Bijouxoxo...u see say u dey find my trouble...No make make man blackmail u oo i go jus inform ya peeps say u don do online name change...no try me ooo
    @Folake- Thanks for stopping by... There are two ways to look at the blood type issue and the way you select to go about it will depend on where you stand and your belief. A couple could choose to stay together believing in faith that all things will work out for their good...mark my words it will take faith...cause you also have to concern yourself with the kids. I doubt you want to bring kids into this world who could be affected as a result of your decision but like i said earlier, if your faith is strong in God who can do anything, then He will see you through.
    The second group are people who realize they can't live with the burden such a match will create and as such choose to walk away from the relationship...the person has committed no sin. I'll rather have a lady leave me before i marry her than have her mistreat and regret marrying me due to my constant illness.

    Something to keep in mind.... remember the decisions you make today are not only for you but also for your unborn kids...so prayerfully search your heart...if the conviction isn't there then please walk away from the relationship. Hope this helps.

  • At 5:26 PM , Blogger DiAmOnD hawk said...

    merry christimas :-)

  • At 9:34 PM , Blogger Nilla said...

    Nice one..
    Merry Christmas too!

  • At 9:12 AM , Blogger temmy tayo said...

    Thak you for this post tho iwaited like forever for you to put it up.You are spot on regarding issues beyond our control. So many issues........ I have never been an advocate of sex before marriage tho it is a difficult one. I had a lot of issues with my ex on that but along the line he realised i wasnt going to budge. We broke up for a while and got together again. He must have realised that I am a gem.LOL.
    AS and AS getting married needs serious FAITH! God help us all.

    Merry Xmas Prof!

  • At 10:08 AM , Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

    Hey you changed your template. mm NICE - Have a merry christmas ooo. Hows it going so far. Writing from Northwest England. And Im loving to be home. NICE.

  • At 2:55 PM , Blogger Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

    Merry Christmas Professor Spicy Miggie a.k.a. Miggiello. You changed ur template, nice, and even put a caricature up. Hopefully, u don't look like that.

  • At 6:46 PM , Blogger Funmi said...

    Merry xmas Miguel. love the new look :)

    Once sex is involved it is normally harder for females to move on as for men psshhhhhh they are just wired weird. walking away seems to come with the turf!

    In my opinion people find it easy to walk away when they never actually put 100% into the relationship

  • At 7:50 PM , Blogger DiAmOnD hawk said...

    hmmm...okay....are we changing the template daily? hope you're having fun today...merry christmas again

  • At 10:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Relationships are really difficult because no one ever really knows the heart of man. Dating in christian circles has many times proven to be a trial and error effort. The final choice is based on what my feelings are telling me and what "chemistry" we have or even ..how we both get along well. The Bible says that the heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it. The answer to that - only man's maker, God can know the motives and intentions of any man's heart. So if you choose the godly choice and narrow it down to a believer, there is a specific will of God for you. The best way to understand that is to listen in with God first. Once you are in agreement with God, your parents and spiritual parents, there is no reason the couple cannot proceed with courtship with marriage in mind. Stay Blessed !

  • At 9:16 AM , Blogger confusednaijagirl said...

    i luv you blog. you are a guy that doesnt sound macho and concieted (sometimes)I agree with most of everything you said but i doubt you can pigeon hole people into categories , things are never like that.

  • At 3:10 PM , Anonymous SpicyMiguel said...

    @diamondhawk - Girl hope you had a smashing christmas.
    @nilla- Thanks for the christmas wish...hope yours was as splendid as mine...
    @temmytayo- lol ...how was your christmas? Headed to yor blog!
    @TLOASCM- Hope you are having a smashing time in ol'London...enjoy!
    @Cherub- see me see trouble ooo I thot a new look for the new year ddnt know I'd lose my links.
    @funmi - I'm glad you approve the new look...I agree with you is easy to walk away when you have your eyes and ears everywhere to a point you can't completely focus on what you have in front of you.
    @anonymous - totally agree 100% with all you've written...thanks for dropping some vital words of wisdom..now we need to work on creating an identity for you...lol
    @Confusednaijagirl - thanks for the compliment. I agree in general you can't pigeon people into categories but I've seen enough in my opinion to place these folks in categories. As I always say I only know as much as I have experienced.


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