Where do I start

Monday, December 04, 2006

Case of the EX!!

Guys I am tired of apologizing for my absence ...lol...After a while I bet my "sorry" won't have much worth if I continue to abuse it... Well to bring you up to speed, I just finished my exams...One in particular was an all nighter (take home) and I guess I'll say I have been emotionally unbalanced of late so when you add all that together, you'll have to agree with me posting a new blog hasn't been a priority.

I trust no one on here cares about how my exams went but would rather savor the emotional gist...Being the "John Kerry" that I am, I'll cater to the majority. So here goes ... Of late I have been going through quite a bit..While I don't plan to post everything (ok I will if someone offers to fry me some soft plantain), I'll touch on different aspects. Anyway I decided to dedicate this post to my ex... My visit to Atlanta has given us reasons to re-connect....Well for at least one day...We've decided to sit down and talk...I bet some of you are going.."Okayyyyyyyyyy?" well our situation has a twist... We've been apart for about five years (wow! How time flies) but for some strange reason, things haven't been resolved between us. Every year other than the first year after our break up, we get to speak on about four occasions (mostly our birthdays and holidays)...The only problem is the talk always seems to come back to "we were good together why did we break up?" ... Each year we determine its best we don't speak (we feel it's disrespectful to the guy she's currently dating if we continue to have such conversations) but I must say each time she calls back on a different occasion, I am always open to talking...So since this year will be ending in about 21 days, we agreed it's time we sit down and talk... So my people I'll be heading off to see the Ex. This blog is dedicated to the good exes ... Those that positively impact your life, have played vital roles in your life and God has used them as vessels in making you the person you are today. Having come out of a number of situations, met the best and the worst life has to offer,I must say without shame nor reservation, I truly cherish the relationship I had with this ex in question.

Some people come into your life filled with selfish intentions and expecting to fulfill that which pertains to their ego rather than truly play a significant part in your life. I have seen many who come into a relationship wanting the title but fail to understand that a title comes with a role and unless you fulfill the role for which your title is associated, you've failed! (Guys want that trophy woman, beautiful, yet they fail to work hard in order to keep her looking pretty and they complain when she looks elsewhere...What do you expect? Remember she's a trophy babe, she's got nothing going for her but her beauty)...Women on the other hand want to immediately be known as his girl but fail to realize that in order for a man to see you as a potential wife, you have to add value to his life... What's the point of being with you if you only add to the mess he currently has going on...Tyler Perry said it best when he said"I can do bad all by myself".

I have decided to write about my Ex because for some strange reason, I feel this might be the last time we speak...My Ex showed me love that would leave men envious... I mean even without a wedding ring, she was my support...When folks thought I wasn't worth the slip on their flip flops, she felt I was the rubber used in making the flip flop without which there would be no flip flop. Some ladies feel I haven't dated because of my Ex ...I'll give them little credit for that observation but I'll say the greater problem is the fact that quite a number of ladies I have met aren't willing to make the necessary sacrifice..Those that seem to try seem to have an escape clause others are just plain bold and untrue. I mean the minute you proclaim your feelings for a person, its unjust and damn right low to continue running your eyes, it not only shows a total lack of respect but also connotes a deeper problem ..You are nothing but a CHEAT! ..."Love is a declaration...Not of words but of actions that speak volumes"- Spicy Miguel 2006 (all rights reserved)

I was nothing when I met my ex...Struggling to make ends meet...Her siblings and cousins felt she needed to look elsewhere...She deserved to be with a chap that could spoil her silly (she had many of such toasters)... But she knew my worth, understood my values, appreciated my struggle, realized my goals, celebrated my little successes and was frustrated with my failures....Still she persevered. She has my respect to date because she was true...true to her feelings, never fledging but ensuring that we had a very open relationship...Our feelings for each other weren't based on how we both felt but rather on a conviction that each of us were true to how we felt... Meaning the way either of us felt wasn't based upon reciprocation or in other words how the other person felt...

I realize that some people will say it's totally unfair to compare my ex with the ladies I meet ... I truly can't argue with this...I truly believe people should have their own opinions and whatever convictions they have has led them to the person they are today but I do have a question ... When you meet a guy/girl how do you assess if it's worth dating them? Some ladies compare the men in their lives to their father, the men compare the women to their mothers...So why is it so wrong of me to compare women to a point in my life that I can clearly say was "true"?

What could have been is not a function of the past but rather of the present, offering us an interpretation of the past and the future we want.

I'll keep you all posted when I get back and I'll also blog about an interesting topic Temmytayo brought up...Why it's so easy for men to move on?.

As usual I'll end this piece the way I end other posts I have written about love
Love like you've never loved before...Yes! You might get hurt...Yes! Even after they've hurt you, they might lie on you to cover their flaws...Yes! They might make it hard to trust again but believe that love is a healer and give that person all your heart...Trusting that when and if it ever ends, your conscience will be clear and deep down your heart, without reservation you know you gave it your best!

12 Comments:

  • At 10:50 PM , Blogger Jennifer A. said...

    From Miguel...
    "My Ex showed me love that would leave men envious... I mean even without a wedding ring, she was my support...When folks thought I wasn't worth the slip on their flip flops, she felt I was the rubber used in making the flip flop without which there would be no flip flop.
    ...
    I was nothing when I met my ex...Struggling to make ends meet...Her siblings and cousins felt she needed to look elsewhere...She deserved to be with a chap that could spoil her silly (she had many of such toasters)... But she knew my worth, understood my values, appreciated my struggle, realized my goals, celebrated my little successes and was frustrated with my failures....Still she persevered."

    So why did u guys break up again? Eyahhhhhh....maybe u guys still belong together...I sense u were still catching feelings..

     
  • At 3:17 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I'LL FRY YOU PLANTAINNN!!! come over let's gist!! ;) k i have to read now

     
  • At 3:22 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    you are a very good man, A VERY GOOD ONE!! it takes alot to realise these things, it's a brave act in my opinion. not many people can tell the truth to themselves about people that have come into their lives and made a positive impact, stuck with you through thick and thin, we as human beings almost always overlook the goodness that people present and focus on the bad things that happen around.

    i'm excited for you to meet your ex again and just talk things through.

    i hope your minds are settled after this.

    sigh... can't wait to hear about it!

     
  • At 4:25 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Rarely do we meet people that loves us for who we are. Some of us have been lucky to meet guys/babes that thought the world starts and ends with us. I am sure whatever comes, she will still hold a portion of your heart.

    Can't wait for u to come and talk about why you guys move on easily. I promise to fry u very soft dodo and ewa aganyin.

     
  • At 7:04 AM , Blogger Funmi said...

    Miguel nice piece as usual. Its obvious you have alot of respect for your ex. To be honest i always used my ex as a sort of yard stick for the next person.Wonder if things would be different if 'her man' wasn't in the picture? Expecting your response to that q :)

    Hope your exams went well?

     
  • At 8:11 AM , Blogger Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

    Hope ur exams went well. BTW, why were u not at THE PARTY? Enough foine babes and blokes were there, u missed. Even our very own Belle represented. U're a rare male species to still have glowing words for ur EX. So behind all that hard and sarcastic exterior is a soft heart of gold, eh? But really, can u come up with any reason why u guys broke up? Looks like u still dig this babe, if only her bf wasn't in the pix like Funmi said, honestly what do u think would've happened? I pray everything goes smoothly when u have the talk with ur ex. I'm beefing u o, as in u're done with exams. Enjoy and have a wonderful holiday season.

     
  • At 11:45 AM , Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

    Im speechless - rareley does this happen to me - First of all wanted to know how your exams went - went being an operative word - Im sure you did good. Secondly what really happened between you and your ex - or is the case we love each other too much but we cant be together for some reason - common sense reasons - reasons I sort of think it is -LOL - But on a serious note - Is she happy where she is cause if this communication that you two have is having a detrimental effect on the other then this really should be the last and final time you guys spoke. Cause the 5 year thing is no good. Even for me - its affecting me psycologically. And if its so easy for other men to move - why not you. Yes she was true - but pls try oo. Cause your lack of movement will be affecting her too. Im sure if you were with someone else - those birthday call will stop. I should Know.

     
  • At 5:45 PM , Blogger NaijaBloke said...

    Miggie baba!!! na wah o .. I can categorically say I double feel u on this issue o ...

    Hope ur exams were good sha

    U have a nice week

     
  • At 5:08 PM , Blogger Biodun said...

    I love this blog, its always a good thing if an Ex can make such an impact in once's life. BUT, really wot happen to u guys, I am curious n u must answer us o!

     
  • At 10:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I really dont think the question bout what happened to your r/ship is the right one to ask at this point. I may be wrong, but I believe that the appropriate thing should be what next? The only person I was thinking bout as I read your piece (it's a nice one by the way) was the guy she's dating. Dont get me wrong o, I do appreciate everything you had together and I think it was nice and all, but imagine if you were in the other guy's shoes. How would you feel bout this unexplainable r/ship w your girl and her ex? (if I may ask, how long have they been together?) Also, while I guess it's ok to use your ex as a yard stick, I believe it should have its limit. I say this cuz ppl are different. The way I may show love, care, support, etc etc etc might be different from the way the next person does. This is something I've experienced.
    All I'm saying is that this is not fair on both of you, and on others that are/might be in your lives...

    One last thing,

    "What could have been is not a function of the past but rather of the present, offering us an interpretation of the past and the future we want."

    That is not always true. Sometimes, what could have been is a function of the past and the sooner the past can be resolved, the faster we can move on into the future.

     
  • At 8:49 AM , Blogger Dris J said...

    I always enjoy being out here... thanks for making the experience worthwhile again...

    OTOH, back in the days, I would have advised that you stay away from such hang out cum discussion with ur ex, but things are different now...Even though I don't really see you guys coming back 2geda, I c lots of damages done to the efforts you have made staying away from each other.

    I won't bother asking what happened. But I will ask you what will happen? When she cries on your shoulder?... What happens when the memories of the past swell in your hearts?... I strongly feel this is not a bootycall and I ain't saying u can't control you, but remember we (I) never knew you had a heart this cool!

    Be careful as you go through this.. I do warn you!

     
  • At 9:24 AM , Blogger Mari said...

    You are wrong, I am interested in how the exams went. Good luck!

    So you are off to see her? I don't understand why though coz I believe you can have the talk over the phone, can't you? Just as anon said, I was also thinking about the guy she's dating at the moment.
    Nice post by the way and good luck with everything.

     

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