Where do I start

Saturday, November 18, 2006

The games women play

Hello Blogville..Sorry its taken me longer than promised to post this blog but Atlanta was busier than I thought it would be and since my return I have spent most of my time trying to re-adjust to my environment. Hope y'all had a great thanksgiving cause I did...I'll blog about that in a few days.

So the "games women play" in coming up with this title, let me say it had nothing to do with the now famous naija movie (by the way have y'all seen the games men play?...You should see it...Really nice...Feel free to patronize a friend who has started a Nigerian video store using the Blockbuster layout ...www.calabashmovies.com). The title is befitting based on what I have experienced, stories I have heard from men and women who have confessed to playing some of these games. This write-up isn't intended to judge anyone but rather shed light on some interesting observations.

As I write this, I am up on the top most floor of a building, close to two exits and two elevators. The reason I state this is due to the threats (lol) I have received from some women but as I promised my guys on here and in the words of Fela, all na shakara but I'll still keep my door slightly open just in case..lol

For years, guys have played women like strings on the violin. For years, women have "acted" gullible and subdued their frustrations and desire to get back at men. Alas, women have decided to take matters into their hands, sometimes making it painfully obvious they are playing you. So what are these games that women play and how can you tell your woman is running a game on you...What's my take on a woman playing games and is there any point trying to rectify or confront the lady with her games.

Previously, I supported the notion that if you treat your woman well, she'll be true to you and faithful to you but of late (in the past two years), I have had reasons to throw out this notion. Women have become like men...Selfish! So let's take a look at the various categories women place men they meet.


Toaster : There are two types of toasters and the way women treat them is based upon where they are classified. The games differ, so clearly most times the results are different.
Toaster type 1: Oh this is the guy that the babe is feeling but rather than give in early decides to take some time out ...They call it "playing hard to get". Most women argue that the reason this period exists isn't because they are playing hard but rather because they truly don't know if this is the type of guy they'd want to date. Let me say this - about 85% of the time a woman meets a toaster, the woman knows clearly if anything is going to transpire between them...From that point until her thoughts are manifested, she follows a well thought out game plan that most times includes opinions of her friends. There is also the thought or idea that if the man pursues hard, it clearly shows he is truly interested...Ha ha ha ...A toaster could chase you for the fun of conquering and after he conquers, there's a great possibility he'll vanish...Its called "hit and run"...Anyway we aren't talking about men here but rather ladies so I'll try sticking to the topic.
Toaster type 2 : Argggggg... man I have found myself in this situation on a couple of occasions... You meet that babe that you think you are crazy about, you spend all your time and resources chasing after her but all you get is NO...You move left, road block... You move right road is under construction. Meanwhile rather than cut you off completely, she pretends to or enjoys your conversation and so decides to keep you around...Its funny cause as a guy you think she's keeping you probably with the hope things will change but trust me the reaon she's keeping you isn't beneficial to you but to her...Cause remember I said in most cases women know how far things will go with a toaster... Most guys that are placed in this group, take a lot of abuse... I mean when you get her on the phone, she'll want to control the conversation, without concern for your feelings tell you what she thinks, she actually uses your call to justify why she has voicemail. If you try to counter her she'll easily say " you know you don' t have to call" ...The best line I have heard is a guy places a phone call and the babe clearly knows its the guy calling but rather than go hey Mr. Y, the convo goes something like this
Mr. Y: Hey B
B: Who is this?
Mr. Y: Are u busy? (surprised she doesn't recognize his voice despite the fact dude has called ten consecutive days)
B: Well, it depends on who is calling.

Fry pan : You could classify this guy under toaster type 2 but reason why I hesitate to, is because there's a twist in the case of fry pan. Fry pan is probably a good guy, doing well career wise and financially stable. The problem with Fry pan is the fact that the woman isn't physically attracted to him but rather than letting him go, she gives him the impression that there's hope...
Fry pan for the most part is normally a fun loving guy...Exposed to various cultures and probably knows the right spots to hang and the right spots to be seen. Its amazing that this guy never notices the game the woman is playing until someone practically slaps him back to his senses. I mean dude would ask the babe out and the babe will show up with four friends and they'll all go on the guys tab... It's funny but guys walk away from this thinking its just a coincidence but I dare say its planned... The babe has informed her friends of her new MUGU. The only way the guy gets to spend anytime with the babe, will involve taking her out or doing something that will be of great interest to her... You take her clubbing but rather than dance with you, she'll be in the midst of friends of feign tiredness. Isn't it funny how you get to the club with her alone but "bump" into her friends? Common dude! Don't tell me that didn't hit you.

Oven : Ahhhhhh.....I call those classified here the "other man". There's the latest craze going on... Women single or in relationships have and keep options. That guy that she feels satisfies a need that probably her man isn't satisfying...If Oven hardly goes out, she'll find a "friend" that does. A nympho or a lady who needs proper pounding but isn't getting that from her man would have a dude or dudes depending on the season, who deliver the pounding on the regular and in the right way. The reason why women keep the Oven is because he is stable...The proper guy, friends will admire and desire... The guy that parents would love their daughters to bring home and the guy that they can count on to come through every time they are in a situation. He is the typical good guy.
Grill: Guys that fall under this category are sometimes called "safe bet". The woman knows the guy will go no where and so she'll keep her eyes out on the streets to see if she can find anything better...She's that babe that still has a profile on Hi-5 that she regularly visits but doesn't feel the need to change her status from single to committed. She entertains "hook-ups" and seems to have new "friends" calling. All of a sudden she seems to have cousins or uncles you've never heard of...She seems to be closer to her family than she ever was..lol... The Grill sometimes has an idea that the woman is up to no good but remains true to the way he feels...He is unshaken unless something really dramatic happens like catching the babe in bed with her supposed "cousin".
Burner: There is no hope for this dude. He is generally considered the bad boy babes like...He's a thug at the right times (in bed etc)...More times than none, dude is headed no where, in terms of career or plans for the future (typically called NFA) but the woman is doing well and clearly has a sense of where she's headed. Most times the woman keep these guys because of how "handy" they are but at the same time their eyes are shining outside... Reminds me of a babe that was dating this dude...They had been dating for about four years... Dude was certain this was the babe he was going to marry and as such made it clear to all who cared to listen... One summer the babe told the dude she had to visit her parents in Nigeria and she'll be gone for a couple of weeks...Come week 4 the babe had not returned...Only to find out that the babe got engaged in Nigeria. We could argue about various aspects of this whether its fair or not but I truly believe if you don't see yourself marrying this dude why go into a relationship with him...You knew he was a bum prior to dating him so forget that excuse you are about to utter.

So here are some tell signs that a woman is playing games...Its by no means exhaustive but I trust it covers a lot of bases and can be altered to cover most if not all.
Tell signs :
1.She has her phone off or on vibrate when she's with you or in your place but regularly leaves her phone on.
2.She becomes selective in terms of calls she picks and the conversation she holds on those she picks are irrelevant
3. She desires to spend more time with her friends than she spends with you
4. She's always having a story of how some odd guy (toaster) gets her number...But its weird how comfortable she is entertaining the calls
5. She's simply unpredictable...Never where she claims she'll be...Always somewhere new..She no longer has a routine
6. She isn't as open to meeting your family as she once was...Always trying to escape or avoid such meetings.
7. She becomes extremely conscious of how she looks...Reminds you of how she was when you two first met or during your toasting period.
8. Her voice is clearly different depending on who she's talking to... Her tone becomes softer when she's talking to this "friend"
9. She becomes rude and talks to you in ways you aren't accustomed to... Most times this happens when a woman has started talking to another guy she finds interesting and believes could replace you...
10. You notice that she doesn't talk to you about things bothering her anymore..Be it work, school or just daily situations.
11. Most of her friends haven't heard about you and you've been dating for three months.
12. Her holiday plans don't include you nor your contribution...She's off to naija to rock!
13. She finds it hard to answer the simplest questions you ask... Always feels the need to repeat your questions to you (while searching for an appropriate lie). All of a sudden she becomes defensive over questions she used to answer with little or no hassle previously.
14. She can't define "busy" but seems to use that word consistently.
15. You are no longer interesting
16. They still feel the need to keep in touch with the "loser" ex they despised when you first met.
17. Claims to cook but actually buys food from the local restaurant (have you noticed she never cooks while you are around?)

The fact that she displays one or more of these signs doesn't mean she's immediately proof she's cheating on you (though I dare say to a great extent it does) but use this as an opportunity to figure out if your relationship has run its course, there's something you've stopped doing or being or probably things that she could be going through at that point in time.

A man can act a fool doesn't mean he is a fool...If you are going to play games, be sure you can play the game and be sure you can handle the outcome of the games you play...Know that just the same way a woman catches a man cheating on her, its equally easy for a man to catch a cheating woman...The difference is the guy needs to pay greater attention, while the woman has those instincts.

23 Comments:

  • At 5:03 PM , Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

    wow - but can I ask - what if the dude falls under toaster 2 - why wont they just leave when they are under so much abuse. They will bever leave. Fair enough some might be toaster 1 under disguise (I could not wish that on my worst enemy) - but alot of taoster 2 dont understand the meaning of the word NO - but some ladies with time get to fall for taster 2 - even though they knew in the begining there was no chance - I can say I have found my self as being the lady in toaster 1 and 2 position. But I wasn't playing games - I just wasnt interested. Luckily for me I was a always delivered in the nick of time from persistent men whose chase later turn to hatred - You dont expect the woman to give in that quick do you??

    I absolutely loved this post. It got my full atention and there were some funny bits. Great post by the way.

     
  • At 5:19 PM , Blogger Funmi said...

    I enjoyed reading this piece. It was definately worth the wait....i must confess 2 u was guilty of playing some of these games in the past (having an insurance policy)......what really struck me the most is what u typed last....a man can act a fool doesn't mean he is a fool.....it is so true. well done miguel!

     
  • At 5:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    hmmm Miguel. I have to say that from my experience, men pretend they hate the chase... but the truth is they absolutely absolutely absolutely LOVE it. I'm sure if one of those babes that placed you in the 'Toaster type 2' category was to suddenly say "oya Miguel..lets go", you would have been more than game.

     
  • At 9:19 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    TLOASCM - men always pray for a change...they've been groomed to believe that persistence is the key to change. I must say women also don't send out as clear a signal as they should.

    Funmi- I play the fool a lot of times and its amazing how many babes think they are too wise. They think as long as they deny and are not caught in the act, they can get away with anything and are shocked when you tell them its never going to be...

    Belle- Don't know about guys loving the chase...if its a game then i guess that will make sense... I can't say how i would have reacted if one of those girls suddenly changed her mind but one thing i can say is looking back now, based on what i know in terms of the ladies in question, it wouldnt have lasted.

     
  • At 4:31 AM , Blogger temmy tayo said...

    Well well, u r right. I was planning on throwing you down the eiffel tower at XMAS if u had written anything bad about ''women''. Truth be told, you are on sport jare.

    As we all know, the world itself is a game. So lets play it on.

     
  • At 12:41 PM , Blogger Corri S. said...

    1.She has her phone off or on vibrate when she's with you or in your place but regularly leaves her phone on.: PERHAPS, SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE INTERUPTED WHILE SHE'S WITH HER MAN. MAY NOT BE BECAUSE ANOTHER GUY MAY CALL.

    3. She desires to spend more time with her friends than she spends with you: IT IS IMPORTANT TO KEEP A BALANCE. I'VE BEEN GUILTY OF SPENDING ALL OF MY TIME WITH MY MAN. NEEDLESS TO SAY, WHEN IT ENDED, IT WAS BACK TO MY FRIENDS. I THINK TIME SHOULD BE EQUALLY SPENT.

    6. She isn't as open to meeting your family as she once was...Always trying to escape or avoid such meetings: DEPENDS ON HOW SERIOUS THE RELATIONSHIP IS. IF WE'RE NOT INTO SOMETHING SERI0US, THEN I'D AVOID MEETING THEM, TOO!

    7. She becomes extremely conscious of how she looks...Reminds you of how she was when you two first met or during your toasting period.: WHAT!? COME ON, MIGUEL. IF A GUY IS CONCERNED ABOUT THAT, THEN I THINK HE'S BEING PARANOID. LOL.

    OK. LET ME STOP BEFORE I TRY TO REBUT ALL OF THE POINTS. LOL

    BUT SERIOUSLY, I SO HAVE USED THAT BUSY ONE PLENTY OF TIMES. lol.

     
  • At 1:36 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    Mosaic- wow its nice to see you've come out of hibernation...I'll counter your points and probably make things clearer
    1.If shes accustomed to leaving her phone on and all of a sudden makes a conscious effort to put it on vibrate or puts it off... sorry but i truly believe shes up to something (its funny how you've dated someone for a period of time and her phone is always ringing and then all of a sudden it either stops ringing or its on vibrate)..i recently experienced this and so I know what I am talking about and I bet you do too..lol
    3. Its funny you've mentioned balance...thats one thing I know ladies find hard to do...I bet if you get into another relationship, you'll go back to your old ways.
    6. This was directed at people in relationships where the girl has been hinting hard at meeting dudes family.
    7. Mosaic, you don't just get up one day and CHANGE...if I have dated a babe for a while I know when she starts to change...you can compare this to a guy who never used to wear cologne and all of a sudden before going out has to have a splash of cologne.


    By the way..UPDATE YOUR BLOG!!!

     
  • At 3:56 PM , Blogger Justme said...

    So all these posts about women, men & relationships mean that u are an expert abi? :) Ok answer this question for me, if my man does not allow me touch or go thru his cell phone, does that mean he's hiding something? Dont give me the "he likes his privacy thing".......

     
  • At 4:09 PM , Blogger Biodun said...

    Now that u have exposed our tricks we have 2 come up with new ones bah, lol, dont mind me. Loved this post, so true n to the point, I have been guilty of a few of playing some of those games in the past too, lol.

     
  • At 4:34 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hey Miguel! I definitely feel you on all the points because I know folks who work that way but I also know some folks who don't have any interest in playing games, nor do they know how to. I fall into the latter category - or so I've been told. In fact I don try to play but I just don't have the skills. I've been told that I need to learn how to do shakara. What say you? Do you believe me? LOL.

     
  • At 4:41 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    Justme - i am no expert oooo most times i say it the way i see it... i tend to combine my experiences in forming an opinion.
    Now as per your question ...there are reasons why your man would not want you going through his cell phone and they all depend on the length of time you've been dating and what type of relationship you have. If you've been dating a while and he is still protective of his cell phone, it could truly be that he doesn't feel you two have gotten to that point in the relationship where privacy wouldnt be an issue but its also a tell sign that he might be up to something...so the best advice i can give you is to talk to him about it...remember if you start out on this path, your phone, email etc will no longer be private. having said that...if you man is inquisitive about who calls you and checks your phone but fnds it hard allowing you do the same, YUP i'll bet my draws on it, he has something to hide and NO I am not talking about a gift!

    Biodun - nice to see you are back... I see you quickly disappeared from ATL knowing i was coming in abi? lol...wow that town has changed ooo ladies have grown and some are doing some progressive things...so you were an ex-player... I should introduce you to someone so you could educate her that ATL guys are up on all the games women play...we just act like fools because we have other pressing issues...lol

     
  • At 4:53 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    Ms.May -"hottest lady in the city" you've got that innocent look especially with your frames on lol but do i believe you don't do shakara? naaaaaa lol...do you? Can't wait to blog on my thanksgiving (lol .. a touch of red)...

     
  • At 8:05 PM , Blogger DiAmOnD hawk said...

    i couldnt help but laugh as i read this write up...of course there are exceptions to what you wrote...

     
  • At 8:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Good description of the categories, all so true. Briefly, a few others. There is "hot-air popper" (the exaggerating bloke who makes women roll their eyes and click their tongues), "microwave" (the bloke who emits the type of strong signals that make women's blood boil)", "pressure cooker" (the impatient bloke who women must constantly apply the brakes to) and "waffle iron" (the bloke who has what all women need but hesitates to give it to them).

     
  • At 7:52 AM , Blogger TMinx said...

    Ahn ahnnnnn what if she just can't cook now lol. That final one really has nothing to do with it but the others are tell tale signs actually some are quite blatant but guys some still don't get it.

     
  • At 10:43 AM , Blogger Miguel said...

    Diamond- I agree there are exceptions but to a great degree i'll bet 3 out of 4 times that a lady exhibiting a number of these signs has a lot going on.

    Patrice- I couldn't help but crack up at your additions..if you could expand on them, i'll actually add them to the post in order to get a well rounded analysis.

    Tureanminx - Ok Ok Ok you caught me i am still recovering from that episode and that should have been a tell sign for me...lol...

     
  • At 1:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    LOL!!!Hmm...well I guess we've been found out ladies, holla at me for change of game plans. The difference between men and women is that men play games because they want to be seen as players, women on the other hand play these games because they are fed up of all the bull shit. The only time I've done every single thing on your list (I confess I have) was when I was tired of some guy and I couldn't care less if he was hit by a truck. Look guys do a lot of things and I ignore it 'cos I'm patient for the most part but they don't know when to quit...they need to learn that. Its at that point that I start playing their games back, and in a better way and they can't take it? Here's my theory, if they can't take it, then don't dish it out. Its when she wants nothing to do with you anymore that they realise how much they want you...then why the games in the first place?

     
  • At 1:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    P.S. Boys just don't make sence...;)

     
  • At 6:08 PM , Blogger NaijaBloke said...

    Hahahaha ... I have been coming here everyday to read comments and men cracking up is an understatement ..

    Nice job jere Miggie ..

    @RJ .. kai I fell ur pain sis.

    Like I always say,the only reason men r always at the bad end of the player stick is just cos the male ego always make us keep our mouth shut while women will always tell every Funmi,Sikira,Nneka,Nancy and keryshuna abt what the guy did while they r always leaving their own part of the story out.

    Thank u for that disclaimer at the end jere "A man can act a fool doesn't mean he is a fool" but maybe it shd be "Some men can act the fool doesn't mean they are fools" cos my guy some guys r still the fool o.

     
  • At 6:15 PM , Blogger NaijaBloke said...

    Lemme add this piece I got in my email

    The Husband Store...
    A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
    Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store! ONLY ONCE!

    You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

    On the 1st Floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

    The 2nd Floor sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

    The 3rd Floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

    "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the 4th Floor and sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

    "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

    Still, she goes to the 5th Floor and sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th Floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor no. 4,363,012 to this floor. THERE ARE NO MEN IN THIS FLOOR. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

     
  • At 7:51 PM , Blogger Teva said...

    Miggie, so this is what our hard earned community-support fund is going into? The study of the games women play? LOL...I will report you to the elders...LOL

    I cant but argue that women are just sick and tired of being used and dumped and are paying the men back in their own coins...so whats the hassle? Let the games continue...

     
  • At 12:00 PM , Blogger ThatGirl said...

    @naijabloke: I sincerely don't think women alone are hard to please. HUMANS (BOTH MALES AND FEMALES) ARE HARD TO PLEASE!!! In economics, we call it 'non-satiation'. We always strive for the best jare. Honestly, if it were you, do you want to tell me you won't proceed to the next floor? I've read that thingy b4, someone sent it to me and I think (I know) that in life, you should never settle for less! (Do I hear a 'preach on sister!'?). Nice post Miguel. There are many more games my bro but I'll just keep those a secret, don't want you guys to become smarter than us...hehehehehehe

     
  • At 8:10 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

    Lovely Post!! You've captured the various situations very well. LOL at the 'Oven' and a guy to do the pounding. Tis sad but true!!

     

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home