Where do I start

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Watching From Afar!!!

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. - Captain Corelli's Mandolin

I felt the above quote would be most appropriate for this post. How are you all doing? I am in some serious pain...I took a road trip to Indiana for a game of paintball with my friends and as I settle in to type this post, I am really sore... does anyone have ROB? No one?
Oh well on to the gist at hand…this past week was really interesting for me...I have found new respect for women. As I post this gist, I am still baffled and shocked at the turn of events... let's just say the best way to describe my state is one of shock and confusion. I am hoping at the end of this post, folks won’t only enjoy the gist but learn from it and proffer help.

Sometime in May, I had a conversation with one of my pastors in church who also happens to be my mentor. We tend to meet up every now and then to catch up on the going-ons in my life, spiritually, educationally, career wise, socially and emotionally. During this particular meeting, we spoke of my "state of singleness" and the need to address it. During our conversation, he asked if I was open to dating women of other colors and nationality and I told him I really was determined to marry a naija babe. Anyway he advised that I keep my mind open and not box myself because the best woman for me might not be Nigerian and by boxing myself, I could be delaying my blessing.In May, this conversation was just that a conversation because I got up from there determined more than ever to marry a Nigerian. Well five months later, I am still determined to marry a Nigerian but I can't ignore an encounter this past week.

The story starts a few weeks back though I must say I only understood my role this week.Anyway a few weeks ago, I attended a meeting and after the meeting, I walked past this babe...lets call her Suelene (I just like the name). I noticed she gave me a funny look but like me I took notice but thought nothing of it...a few days after that, I walked into another meeting and lo and behold, who was there? Yup...if your answer was Martha, you are WRONG but if you said Suelene, you can give yourself a pat on the back! So after this meeting she walked up to where I was sitting and introduced herself..."Hi my name is Suelene, I have seen you around campus but we've never spoken"...hey Suelene, my name is Miguel and I must say other than a few days ago, this will be the second time I've seen you on campus (We both belong to different sections and our sections haven't really had a chance to mingle)Anyway we have our little chat, filled with "nothing" and she leaves; I get to meet some other folks...apparently while I wasn’t paying attention, the person leading the meeting had asked people to go around and meet someone new".

Two weeks ago, there’s another event away from campus and I rolled up there... after hanging there with my mates for a few minutes, this babe walks in with her friends...as they walk past us, a wink, a smile and a nod were exchanged. Immediately they were out of sight, trusting guys to quickly assess and deliver their assessments even when it isn't sought after, one of the guys in my group goes "dude isn't she hot? Sad thing is I hear she might be gay"... the second dude goes…"makes sense cause a buddy of mine has tried several times to go out on a date with her and she's turned him down and apparently a couple of other guys as well". I have to make mention of this at this juncture...for the life of me, I never knew the things white guys appreciate in women (physically) differ from the things black guys appreciate in women! Anyway after getting this revelation, I decided it was time to leave.

Fast forward to this week-

Well this week I get an email from a strange name, requesting to meet up with me to discuss career options and my summer internship. I typed the name in the student directory to see who the student was and to my surprise, it was Suelene. Anyway I arranged to meet Suelene the following day.

Next day comes and I meet Suelene...as we chat about my summer experience, she starts to giggle...Ok at this point I am wondering to myself…"What in the world is funny about working through a weekend?" ... so I asked if everything was okay and she answered yes. Anyway I turned the table around and asked about her experience...while sharing she spoke about the fact that she couldn't get a gig (job) in a certain state which she really wanted and so ended up in a different state and despite the fact the company was nice, she was missing something. From there our conversation spread into our class mate... a number of which had either come back from the summer pregnant, engaged, new babies or in the case of one strange guy, married (without inviting his mates...shame on you dude!). Anyway she expressed shock as to the tide of things and i agreed cos man one babe came back "knocked up" and the babes eating habit in class has been rather annoying... I mean this babe eats. All of a sudden she drops the words..." I hear you are not open to inter-racial relationships that you are determined to marry not even a black person but a Nigerian...what is this fascination with Nigerian girls?" ... shocked I asked her "who told you that?" (I only shared that with one babe in my school and hearing it from a babe I never knew existed until a few weeks back, was jaw-dropping)…anyway I confirmed what she had heard and briefly explained my reasons. I noticed after that comment that conversation wasn't fluid anymore so I begged to take my leave.

Next day, one of my boys (who was at the event off-campus) saw me and was like" Suelene came by class to look for you (Yes! people I cut class...man prepping for interviews is a class on its own!)... Thinking nothing of it, I continued with my daily business... that evening I got a call on my cell phone from a strange area-code...It was Suelene..."Hey Miguel are you in your building?"..."yup" ..."do you have a few minutes to spare? “Sure”. I’ll meet you downstairs".Anyway I head downstairs and a few minutes later Suelene joins me... she apologized for the other day…which for me was confusing..."oh why are you apologizing?"...
Suelene: “I sometimes allow my emotions get the best of me"
Miguel (in an attempt to make her feel better) "don't we all"
(My people! with those words na so I take open door to drama)
Suelene: Do you really think so?
Miguel: (confused at this point)...Yeah! (Trying to sound philosophical and intellectual) every action we take is laden has some emotional undertone. The struggle is striking the right balance to ensure we are conveying the right message at the right time and in the right frame.
Suelene: It's interesting you say that because my room-mate totally agrees. Our emotions have a time frame within which we are afforded a chance to act or react in order to make or alter a situation.
(My people! at this point even the English wey dey my head jus jam!)

Anyway Suelene goes on to tell me when she first saw me on campus...how one of our mutual black friends had told her I don't date outside my race and as such it delayed her telling me what she was about to tell me... to cut this long gist short jare...the babe asked if I’ll be open to an inter-racial relationship on any grounds...again I told my dear Suelene that I was only interested in dating Nigerians as more than likely the next relationship I get into could be lead to the altar. Well from nowhere, I got a verbal uppercut .." its sad how the world speaks of compassion, tolerance and integration, when the people that are being trained as leaders of tomorrow still hold on to myopic views that perpetuate intolerance and segregation".
(I have received yabs in my lifetime but nothing like this!).
Anyway I told her that in the search of compassion and tolerance a person does not necessarily have to negate their desire(s).

How about the next day "American Gbeborun" (the girl I confided in) sends me a message on Skype asking where I was in the school building... lets call her AG. Anyway I meet up with AG and as I hammer her on why she felt the need to run her mouth, the babe tells me that apparently for some time now Suelene has had a thing for me but she tried to dissuade her especially with the attention other guys were willing to give her; anyway she just felt the need (As per Gbeborun) to meet up with me and tell me that the babe is shy but that she really likes me and that I should think about it before making a decision.

I just discovered that Suelene is in one of the groups i signed up to work with this fall. We have 5 weeks to go this quarter and this group plans to meet twice a week. BUMMER!!!
What do would you do?
1. It's a voluntary group, so I could ask to be excluded (she'll think its because of her....hmmm)
2. Ignore her and act like nothing happened and nothing was said?
3. Confront her and lay it out straight that nothing can transpire between the two of you? (keeping in mind she didn’t directly ask)
4. If a babe has been that patient and focused on you, despite the fact you never noticed her, start a friendship and see where things develop from there (but there are certain fears with this option, like "Why encourage something you know you are not open to)Let me know your thoughts!

In other news, The League of Extraordinary Single Men (will blog about them someday) will be storming my abode next week. This is the first time in years that we'll all be together in the same place at one time after many years. Activities that we indulge in include but are not limited to
a) Yab each other as per our singleness
b) Yab each other as per our singleness
c) Compare notes (I like this part... for some strange reason this leads to greater bonding)
d) Propose drafting a letter to INS...gist of letter will be reduce inflow of Nigerian men, increase inflow of Nigerian babes and increase outflow (through whatever means) of Nigerian men already in the country.

In a few weeks I'll experience my last fall ball in this school and like the first; it could be a solo expedition AGAIN!!! Thanks to Three 6 Mafia I can verbally sum up the way I feel when I say IT'S HARD OUT THERE FOR A PIMP!

Note: Too tired to go through and make the necessary changes to spelling or grammatical error. If you find a few please bare with me...My Garri is rising out of control and it's my last bowl!!!

32 Comments:

  • At 3:01 PM , Blogger Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

    Make Suelene take time o. Haha! Na by force? Miguel say hin no wan do. Hin need Naija babe wey go fit understand "Leave me alone nau," without thinking it's a command, wey go cook poundo and vegetable soup for am, not chicken periperi, and different medemedes.

    But Miggie, this gal yab u no be small. Even if u were feeling her, i'm sure all these yabbies don eradicate the feelings sef. It's really hard ou there for a pimp, i agree with u, and for a pimpette too. Oya, let's talk seriously, this ur "league of extraordinary single men," how far na? Hook the Naija sisters on blogsville up.

    True, true, u're color blind. So u didn't see any green light. Kai! u sef. Option 4 isn't good, as in why lead her on if u know without a shadow of doubt that there's no way there. Option 3 looks good, but u need to do it gently though like u would want ur sister or future wife/ daughter to be treated. She didn't ask directly, do ladies ever do? Options 1 and 2, she'd be hurt more, if u do that.

     
  • At 3:31 PM , Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

    Hey Miguel - its good to know and see that you are keeping on top of things - And Yes I have ROB; two infact;

    I really dont understand this lady but I give her the benefit cause she's INLOVE with OUR MIGUEL - but seriously though its like liking a guy whose into thin women when you are big boned or vice versa - and then yabbing him for being prejudiced - Hello - must he date you if he really isnt into you - he'll be miserable - so why is it turned into a race thing if colour is involved - its not a colour thing - ITS CHOICE

    On the what do concerening Sue - the options you give all have their disadvantages and technically are no good for such a situation - but - option 3 can be useful if used with wisdom - cause we have to remember this girl has been feeling you for a while - but you need to be convincing without it turning to a race thing - she might start to call you a racist - imagin that - but she needs to undersatnd Hypothetically if she likes you that there will never be a future -

    Keep us updated on all fronts - including the league of guys -

     
  • At 4:03 PM , Blogger Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

    Where are u Miguel? Don't keep me waiting jo, i have other things to do jere, like going on my hot date.

     
  • At 4:23 PM , Blogger Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

    I will vex and leave o Miguel, it's 5.18pm. What's this Naija time biz u're playing with me or are u scared of me?

     
  • At 4:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    My Recommendation to Miguel: If you're not attracted to her, simply say so. There's no need to get into how you'll only date Nigerian women. 'Cos I daresay if you meet your soulmate, you'd at least date her even if she isn't Nigerian (just my gut feeling).

    My Recommendation to Suelene: Unrequited attraction is a bummer!

     
  • At 4:55 PM , Blogger Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

    Miguel, ur "ashiri" (secret) is all out on my blog of how u stood me up for 45 minutes, it's 50 minutes now and no show.

     
  • At 5:39 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    Bijou I am here ooo ...I signed on and noticed you just logged off. You can run but you cant hide ooo

     
  • At 5:49 PM , Blogger Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

    Logging on again, plus u need to apologize and hmmm... i'd think of ur other punishments.

     
  • At 5:50 PM , Blogger Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

    ok, we'd play for 20 mins

     
  • At 5:56 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    @Bijou ... so you noticed I logged on and you logged off...you can run but you cant hide ooo...i'll still be on there for another hour... sorry I was late...closed my eyes for 10 minutes and it turned to 1 hour. As per your suggestion, I'll keep you updated when I make a decision.

    @TLOASCM... you have two cans of ROB? hmm na wa ooo. I don't know if I can change the way i am perceived now as per American Gbeborun shared our convo with more than one person.I'll keep you updated after our first meeting tomorrow.
    @anonymous...thanks for dropping a comment. Attraction for me is not based only on looks but also on substance and as such I can't say I am not attracted to her. The gist about my desire to date only a Nigerian lady was based on a convo I had with someone else which was disclosed to her...so as iirelevant as it would be in another scenario, there was the need to either accept or refute the comment. I truly don't know what the future holds for me but you can be sure that I proactively seek to date Nigerians only...

     
  • At 6:04 PM , Blogger ABBEY said...

    dang i haven't even finished the story and this Suelene is sounding like a stalker...anyways,lemme finish the story

     
  • At 6:09 PM , Blogger ABBEY said...

    lol @ League of extraordinary single men. but men if you're comfortable with it just stay in ur group and see how it goes. btw, think outside the box, be spontaneous, go with the flow and all that other crap.

     
  • At 3:08 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Miggie, suelene is the babe after my heart. She is going for what she wants!

    Please blog about the league of extraordinary single men kia kia. I am sure it will get the blog world cracking.

     
  • At 8:19 AM , Blogger Ms. May said...

    This is a toughie. I definitely see where your pastor is coming from by saying keep your options open. I agree. Of course in a perfect world, most Nigerian men/women would prefer to be with the like but it's not a perfect world. I have dated outside my ethnicity and it was one the longest relationships and the hardest one I've been in. I decided after that experience that while I wouldn't close myself off to different people who asked me out, I was looking specifically for a Nigerian to settle down with but you know what my experiences with Naija men have been so far...unsuccessful! And I keep being led back to someone who has been in my life for ages but is not Nigerian. I have resisted and resisted but God is whispering something different in my ear.

    So...stay in the group, get to know her. Let her know that you're willing to be friends. If she's not for you, she's not for you (maybe she'll realize that you're better as friends than anything more or maybe not...but that's life)but don't be closed off to getting to know her (or anyone else for that matter) just because she's not what you want for yourself because at the end of the day doesn't it all come down to what God wants for you?

     
  • At 8:44 AM , Blogger Beautifully Human said...

    like you said, attraction is not based on looks but also on substance, so I think you need to decide in this case is substance more or less important to you than race? If I were in your position, I would go for a combination of options 3 and 4; i.e. nothing's stopping you from starting a friendship, but if its definitely not something you want to develope any further than that you should lay it out on the table from the start.
    as per this League, ... how far now? Actually a friend of mine back in PH was involved in something like that a few yrs ago (had a similar name- I think it was called league of extraordinary gentlemen, LXG, or something like that)

     
  • At 9:36 AM , Blogger Miguel said...

    @Abbey...thnk outside the box abi ... lol...the last time I did that in regards to a relationship...I found myself out in the cold...so I am staying in my box ooo...
    @Temmy...U need to return to the hospital oo cause i think when you were a kid they bleached you.. for you i'll blog about the league of extraordinary singlemen before they land.
    @Ms. May..na wa ooo I posted a comment about the GMAT and how to prep for it..walahi talahi, till today i still haven't seen that post on your site... As per inter-racial dating, I did that in my past and it was a challenge. It starts off really nice but our issues are totally different and how we resolve them...I realize at the end of the day its in God's hands and knowing the God I serve (He has a great sense of humour)you can never predict His thoughts.
    @beautifully Human...yeah I think because for me attraction isn't based only on looks, I dread getting to know her better ...there is the "what if" fear and truly don't want to find out.
    @ Omolabake... thats one of the things i find most attractive about Nigerian babes...the fact that i can easily switch from English to yoruba or pidgin without warning and still be able to flow...so i feel you jare!

     
  • At 10:53 AM , Blogger Biodun said...

    I have to give the girl points for stepping up 2 u n all, hey its ultimately ur decision, but u never know though, get 2 her she sounds like a nice chick!

     
  • At 12:02 PM , Blogger Ms. May said...

    Abeg Miguel.....please come back and post the GMAT tips o....I need them....today if you have time...ABEG!!!! LOL.

     
  • At 1:53 PM , Blogger Corri S. said...

    Wow. Playa' Playa. What a hot commodity you seem to be. ;-)

    Hmmm....you mentioned that you have a newfound respect for women? Why is that? Is it because Suelene was bold enough to outright tell you that she likes you? What is your take on that? Do you mind being pursed by a woman or do you think the man should be the pursuer?

    Also, I'm just curious to know what ethnicity Suelene is?

    I'm sure situations like this could be flattering, but I would say not to lead her on in any way if you know you're not at all interested. Also, perhaps your mentor was right....maybe you COULD BE missing out on the right woman for you by restricting yourself only to naija babes. While I understand that it's important for your mate to be able to relate to you culture wise and all of that good stuff, I think it's very well possible to have a naija babe and you guys may not understand each other at all. What about naija babes who can't speak Pidgin or who barely speak Yoruba? Are you not open to them either?

    In the case of Suelene, I don’t think it's necessary not to attend your group. Just be cordial and steadfast to your preferences. I think the fact that you're "afraid" of getting to kwow her b/c something migh pop off, shows that you just might like this chick and you really aren't that deadset on only naija women b/c if you were...nothing could pop off under any circumstances, right?

    And who are the power players in this League that you speak of? Any eligibles? ;-)Or do they all think like you and only want a naija babe. (sad face)

     
  • At 2:28 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    @Biodun...come before you continue posting comments here..where is my beans? this act of indiscipline will not continually be tolerated
    aH! ah! what would it cost you to cook the ewa agoyin, drive to fedex and send it to me?

    @Ms.May ... Will post it shortly





    @Mosaic...for a while I thought you had left blogville. I noticed ever since my scrabble challenge you've made yourself scarce. You can run but remember you can't hide...I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE...hah ah ahahah haha hahaha...
    I'd rather show some interest first prior to a babe making her intentions known... it's sad but i've come to realize that very few a true to ther convctions and like the wind, they blow in whichever direction.
    Everything I type on here are things I truly wish for but does not necessarily mean i'll have them... I agree with you that you could have a naija babe and you two will clearly not understand yourselves..i've been there!

    Thanks for calling me out...I won't say "NEVER" to anything...
    But remember the bible says the tongue is a two-edged sword, so we need to speak our desires into being...so as i type these comments, i am basically confessing my desire...doesn't mean if I jam a non-Nigerian with whom i totally click with, i wont make my moves..it just means that i'll avoid putting myself in that position as much as I possibly can.
    ***Whisper - You do realize that you are Nigerian right?

     
  • At 6:36 PM , Blogger Corri S. said...

    Yeah, man. I was on hiatus from blogger. Blogger can become strangely addictive. It wasn't your Scrabble challenge, either. LOL In the words of Bone Crusher, "I ain't neva scared."

    Amen, to speaking what you want into existence. Funny enough, there was a time when I was adamant about dating only African-American men and well.........well, you know the story. I think I can 100% say that I won't date a white man...or an Asian man....or an Indian man....or a....You get the point. I guess that puts me back at square one. I totally agree with not putting yourself in those situations. If you know that's not what you want, don't even let it "just happen."

    BTW...you strategically avoided my question. What ethnicity is this chic?

    Do you think that this is a matter worth praying about or is it merely a lady having a crush on you and it's not that serious to you? If you're interested, I think you should be pray about it.

    **LOL...Thanks for the honorary membership. At times, I wonder myself.**

     
  • At 6:41 PM , Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

    miggie - u want me to fight with you - why all this huh - this not fair oo -

     
  • At 7:17 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 7:26 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    @Mosaic...lol...shes asian/american
    I really don't think I need to pray about this...I think shes cool and all...but i am convinced within me she isnt the one ... It's funny but Pastor called me this morning though for a different reason...phew!

    @TLOASCM Biko nwanyi oghini? lol.. what have I done oooo

     
  • At 9:29 PM , Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

    @miguel - Ok I see youve delivered - Ive forgiven you now - If I no hear from I for catch flight to that your place with my gale round my waste to come and fight you - you no say I be nwanyi okwunuka - LOL - abeg I rejct that oooo. Amen.

     
  • At 2:42 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hmmm...I think bijoux said it best! Tell her gently because its simply a case of you not 'feelin' her.
    You sef? U suppose go buy coloured-glasses o! Haba??
    Miggie, which one be guild of extraordinary single men??? Sounds like the justice league or something...Well, pls send them over o! with stats and all!

     
  • At 9:16 AM , Blogger Biodun said...

    @ Miguel how did u change the topic on me, I have already made the beans, but since I didnt have ur addy I ate it all o, lol

     
  • At 2:21 PM , Blogger Ms. May said...

    Miguel....thx for the tips. Need ur email address...I have a couple essays I want to run by you. Thanks

     
  • At 1:26 AM , Blogger NaijaBloke said...

    Iro ni o ...Migggie which kain perfum u dey use.Oya mail am to me ASAP..

    Try and talk to her abt it Gently cos the way am looking at it,this chic no go gree by force o.LOL

     
  • At 10:40 AM , Blogger DiAmOnD hawk said...

    Miguel are you open to ALL nigerians? or are you specific about the geographical backgrounds

     
  • At 6:10 PM , Blogger Miguel said...

    @Ms.May -spicymiguel@gmail.com

    @naija bloke..ol'boy na wa for you ooo see as you just fade.I go use sofly sofly talk to am...we dey meet up in a bit

    @diamond..lol...in other words, am i tribalistic? lol...I am open to everyone.

     
  • At 8:35 AM , Blogger Mari said...

    hmmm Miguel you are feeling like hot cake now abi. LMAO
    I think you should give the girl a chance.
    I agree with your pastor, limiting yourself could delay your blessing.

     

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