Your mates are settling down...are you gay?

How ignorant can people be? simply because i love my tapered english suits, shirts and pants? and i choose to revel in my singledom (at least thats the perception) people draw the conclusion that its either I am gay or have major issues? Oh please people should let me be...what happened to the fact that my priorities may be different from the norm or simply that I just havent found a sista i'd love to settle down with or who would agree to settle down with me ( lol....ha ha ha ha ...the story of lurveeeee).
The past couple of weeks have been rather trying for me...at first i chose to ignore certain comments but i must admit its finally gotten to me....argggggghhhhhhhhh... so forgive me but you guys would have to read through my vent!

So for some time now my pastors have been asking whats up with me...any babes in the picture...any babes in church... what do i desire in a woman...e.t.c. and i have consistently told them NO but that i will let them know if things change. My mother has taken her petition to God but my friends who used to be so understanding and supportive of my goals are the ones pissing me off!!! Since its clear that i am alone in this, i have decided to share my predicament with the world...hopefully you guys will see it my way...

So why am i really single? I am single out of choice...not because i havent been blessed in meeting great women, No its because in most cases (and i mean MOST) I single-handedly mess things up... i mean if messing things up was an art, I would be the Da vinci of our time. If it was a degree, i'll come out top of the class, if it were a meal i would by now be heavier than a whale ( you get the gist). Whats my problem you ask? well lets just say I have many...they start from the petty things to things that require compromising either my faith or principles. I will break them into different categories.

1. Blind date syndrome: "If you ever need to test your sight, try a blind date..most of them will leave your eyes wide open"- Monsieur Miguel 2006. I mean whats up with friends and hooking you up with babes that look like their wives ( not that theres anything wrong with their wives but i am just not attracted to the same type of babe). I tell my friends i am keen on being with a Naija babe and for some strange reason they feel the need to hook me up with a babe from Vietnam... what are you thinking???? i can't even show you on the map of the world where the place is...those friends aren't the worse..the ones that really get me are those that hook you up with babes that are clearly older than you ..in look and age... so a friend of mine introduced me to a babe who was obtaining her 1st masters (she has about 4 advanced degrees) while i was in primary school... i mean what the helllllll.... we met up at a concert for the first time and a friend saw her and asked "oh is this your older sister?" .. i mean charlie but whyyyy charlie whyyyyyyyyy? then you have those special friends (i mean short bus special) who feel women are to be recycled...why would you even think of hooking me up with a babe that you've had some kind of history with? i don't care if all you did was hold hands! I am not interested!

2. Puppy Love
Now this is a very sensitive one. Growing up at one point or another, I had a couple of girls i had crushes on... oh my! i tell you i would have sold my youngest sibling ( forgive me but he was the most troublesome one) just to date them... i mean back then just watching them in class or seeing them at parties made my MONTH! man i was a hot mess... put it this way the feeling was not mutual back then...its funny but i disclosed the way i felt to one of them and in order to pay me in kind for sharing with her my most intimate thoughts, she decided to date my closest pal at the time... well fast forward and years have come and gone...we are all adults now and now she wants to rekindle what we never had... the trouble is...though her friends tell me...i act completely naive when shes around...shes still as hot as she was when we were still growing up but she dated my friend and thats a no no for me and besides we are at different points in our lives right now... like my step mum would say ..."never go back to your vomit"...lol...lol...she has a way of bringing you back to earth when you least want to. I struggle with whether i should tell her without her asking that we will never be anything more than friends or i should continue acting naive...she actually called the other night talking about she'll like to fly in to see me ..lets just say after that call my work schedule has become extremely unmanageable...i take on any and every deal that needs staffing. I plan to avoid us meeting until i know shes gotten into a relationship or I'm in one...( yeah its wicked of me but the bible says "flee from all forms of evil").

3. The most recent ex

People say exes cant be friends... i totally agree ... i feel its unhealthy...especially if one or both parties still feel something even when you two have been apart for over 4 years!!! ...yeah thats the story of me and my ex... shes currently dating a guy i know she truly respects...i dont know if i can clearly say shes in love with him but knowing how loyal she is, if he loves her, she might remain there and gradually learn to love him. Shes an embodiment of what a true woman stands for...loyal, respectful, loving, caring, educated e.t.c. We talk and text from time to time... its amazing how at the end of each call or text, it still ends with "I love you or I love you more" even though we both know the likelihood of us being together again is close to 0 (.0001)... You might ask why? the bible says " do not be unevenly yoked" ... I love the Lord with all my heart and no one, nothing comes close to that...so His instructions i obey without questioning. So i refuse to compromise my faith.

4. Looks...so called beauty

Lol.... For all the guys reading this blog...please read this part carefully...do not be carried away by beauty. The bible says the woman is the crown of her husband... many men have gone in search of beauty and have found destruction or hd their destinies cut short! (Samson). I am not saying do not be with a woman you are attracted to ooo or hook up with a babe you find attractive... all i am saying is...let that not weigh heavily when it comes to making a decision about whom you want to share your life with...for many have gone ahead of you and today are telling tales of misery and pain. I say this because, for a few years, i have always had this whole picture in my head of how my wife would look, how tall, how fat or how slim e.t.c. ..theres nothing wrong in asking God for all these things if you so desire but ask that His will for your life be what you get and not your desires...women the same goes for you when it comes to picking a guy ooo...trust me i hear horror stories of beautiful couples who are miserable because they failed to carry out due dilligence prior to marrying their partner...they were so enarmoured by looks that they paid other qualities no mind. I discovered that most of the women i find really attractive (trophy type) are nothing but that trophies! when I invest more time into knowing them I find that though shes a great woman, shes not a great woman for me. It funny its amazing how after a few conversations, the high you were on seems to evaporate...Its particularly funny that in my case i get to learn months later that they've either been engaged by some other dude or they are married. I am learning to deal with this aspect and as God works on me i know things will work together for my good.

5. Naijas in every nook and cranny are connected

It is tough finding a woman who isnt some how or in some way connected to your ex or who hasnt dated one of your friends... Its funny how you meet a great girl and you two hit it off, only to discover that shes either your exes friend or at one point or another shes been linked with your friend... I mean in the naija circle its badddd...i recently came across a couple of websites and i couldnt help but crack up because i noticed i may not be the only one who has had to face this ...some guys/gals could careless and today you find a wedding site of theirs up...but i on the other hand cannot bring myself to do the same. Is my thought process flawed?

6. I like her, she dislikes me, i like her, she dislikes me...

I can hear some of you go ...what is new...tell me something i dont know! I have had a couple of these happen...its funny how you want it to happen so badly and you fail to take into account that it takes two to tango and if the feeling isnt mutual, nothing you two build stands a chance.

7. Career driven and obsessed ladies

I'll be the first to say i admire strong, driven and independent ladies but i am of the school of thought that belives that theres a time and place for that. Its funny how you meet some women these days and you hear them talk about their careers and their desires and where they place their families. I must say its sad! if our fathers and mothers were career driven and could careless about family, i doubt you nor I would be where we are today. how can i marry a woman that wants to work 20 hr days who believes family should be built around her free time... Huh? i am not that desparate! i'd rather be alone than deal with such egotisical tpye! Everything in life has an order...God, Family/spouse, career then ministry (though career and ministry are interchangeable).

I ask the women not to see this as a bashing exercise because this could go either way...but clearly when you add all this up, you would have to agree with me that the reason why i am not married is because i haven't found the right one... lol.

There are many plans (could also be desires) in a man's heart, Nevertheless the Lord's counsel-that will stand (Proverbs 19:21)

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised ( Proverbs 31:31)

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4)

I stand not as a man without flaws but truly as one who realizes the many flaws he possesses and in the words of Tyler Perry's Madea " I can do bad all by myself!"


Do you believe theres only one person for everyone? feel free to share your thoughts and any stories...questions are also welcomed...