It is I Miguel......
Ok i bet that silly Miguel failed to introduce me to y'all properly ..oh well i'll do the honours myself... My name is Spicy Miguel, Miguel's alter ego .... a stud, hunk, smashing bloke, buffed chap, blah blah blah... i dance for a living or then again for those that love big words, i am a chippendale....
ok now that we've gotten that out of the way, i experienced some disturbing things this week. Miguel (Ori ..yeah thats his nickname..ha hah ha ) decided to take me on a trip to New Hampshire...thought the miser had changed from his frugal ways and was taking me for a long deserved holiday (trust me when you have to dance for pension-aged folks, they make you work for every dime they stone you with). Oh well we got to the atlanta airport, all excited and ready for the two hour trip... hmm i should have sensed something out of line while waiting to board the flight....no single black person in sight ...yup even the cleaner was white... but naaaa just wanted to leave atlanta... ok we board the flight and as i am walking through the first class to locate my seat, i notice this look on some faces "has he lost his mind? or maybe he is on the wrong flight...silly illiterate we need to make this tickets in three languages ..english, spanish and ebonics for his likes".... oh well i found my seat and immediately went to sleep (trust me its better to die sleeping...less painful)... well the plane finally lands in New Hampshire..snow everywhere...reminded me of London... unlike the atlanta airport where once u land and u step off the plane u are confronted (ok welcomed) by black folks, none of that in New Hampshire...not a single black person in sight... even the cab driver was white...ok i landed in Manchester, New Hampshire but my final destinantion was Hanover, New Hampshire..about an hour or so drive from manchester.... anyway i finally get to my hotel and the white cabbie gladly informs me my fare is $140 ...yikesssss!!!!.... oh well i offered to strip and give him an Hour worth of dance and $40 cash ...the chap was having none of that and it was obvious the way he looked.... Now trust that punk Miguel to chicken out and pay the man....oh well at least he is consistent... we walk into the hotel and the chap behind the desk (Frank...yup you guessed white) gave me my room card and checked me in... anyway as i walked to my room, i kept seeing more white folks...strange looks like as if i lost my way ( trust me i kept arguing with Miguel...."i think we've got the wrong hotel" but that stubborn nutter insisted we were in the right place). Anyway i decided to take a tour of the city (check out the strip joints or potential strip joints were i can host my gig)...sad to say ..no potential site...the cabbie decided to pick up some more folks on our way (yup you guessed again..more white folks...you are really getting good at this i must commend you )... now i finally sighted what i thought was a black man but on close observation i noticed he was 3/4 caste...
Anyway the next morning, i now realised why this punk brought me all the way here... he had an interview lined up for Tuck B-school. How about we get to the school 45 minutes before time (mind you his interview was for 8am)..ok the doors were open but no one in sight.... i warned Miguell not to walk in but noooooo mr. this is a free country... walked in and scared (you guessed...another white lady) now i suspect this white lady contacted others (Negro On site!!) cause as they kept coming in one after the other they had this " interesting specie" look on their faces. I offered to give them a free lap dance but i guess people dont believe in free lunches here..( Miguel does...that guy has a knack for showing up at peoples homes just when they are about to eat).
Anyway i finally met the first black person on campus ( i suspect she had just gained her freedom) she seemed overly joyful to see me ( "I must make it categorically clear..i have never seen this woman in my life"(remember Clinton and Monica...lol..that guy is a pimp))...we attended one of her class and i noticed three other black people all sitting together, near the doorway ..hmmm quick escape...smart folks!.. anyway after the class i finally had my interview...Yup another white chap.... at this point, i told Miguel there was no use interviewing...told him we stood a better chance of entertaining the ladies there and getting the hell out of the school...but nooooo Miguel cranked up his british accent ( trust me that accent is like light switch... even people that hear it ask if he is from the carribean...lol.. when he goes no i am english ...we all cant help but laugh...pidgin english more like it) anyway before i digress ( i do that a whole lot....dont blame me ...i just have so much to say...its hard to stay structured or defined).. lets just say the interview was suppose to last 30 minutes.... it lasted 5 minutes...oh my what a pain!...just one round of my lap dance lasts 10 minutes...go figure!
oh well after the humiliation this punk ( Miguel) had put me through, he decided on getting back to the hotel, to puff up his bed with pillows, i couldnt understand the logic behind it but the sissy said "just in case they come after us, they'll shoot an empty bed and we'll be safe under the bed" ...me of all people ... Atl's Hottest act on the block.... oh well lets just say i obeyed and under the bed we went... Next morning (phew glad to be alive) we checked out and headed for the airport...Now if you think the drama was over, hmmm you havent Jammed (naija).... how about we get to this "blackless" airport and Fox News is on the TV ..Mind you every one is watching this screen...i mean EVERYONE..even the airport cops... ok some lunatic Johnny Lee out in Texas kidnapped a walmart clerk, coming off her shift...at this point the name Johnny Lee to me can only be associated to a white person...so i told Miguel...this crazy white folks..i bet its the girls ex-boyfriend who kidnapped her.... oh well a few minutes later the news reporter goes "Johnny Lee, an African American ex-marine" oh my goodness ..how i prayed the ground would swallow me right there and then...cos almost immediately all eyes turned on me.... ladies and gentlemen... i thank God for his mercies cos in some countries (yup naija included), these people would have gathered together and snuffed the life out of me and i bet the cop would have shown them a way to do it where no evidence would be found...
My flight back was better cos one of the hostesses was a black (??) lady... (hmm come to think of it she might have been wearing a mask...maybe one of their Affirmative Air Action..remember charlies angels when Drew Barrymore was diguised as an African Chief)
I must add this...if you think Nigerians can gossip...just try the two white ladies that sat infront of me on the plane.... my Goodness.... two hours straight these ladies kept gossiping....it got so bad that the man sitting next to them had to request they move him to another seat... what were they gossiping about you might ask..... naaaa i wont be sharing that.... yeaaa i think i should.... naaaa dont think i can....hmmm oh well ....NOTHING!
i finally got to show off my skills on the plane..yup u guessed its one of those planes without on-board entertainment.... the lady sitting next to me ( probably in her 70's/80s) kept asking for more lap dance and i obliged.... ok woman pay me... the lady started stuttering.... i dont have change....WHAT! change for what? danced 60 minutes straight and you are looking for change? ok give me the $100 dollar note and i'll change it for you.... "Who said i had $100 ... i am looking for change for a buck ($1)).... oh my! the humiliation! ....my pride... sob! sob!!!
Anyway i finally made it back to Atlanta...and as we alighted the plane, we were welcomed by a swarm of black faces ..>GLORY BE TO GOD......
i must say the next time that punk offers to take me on a trip, i'll be picking the destination and activities.
Disclaimer : I am not racist... i have white sheets and pillows.....
ok now that we've gotten that out of the way, i experienced some disturbing things this week. Miguel (Ori ..yeah thats his nickname..ha hah ha ) decided to take me on a trip to New Hampshire...thought the miser had changed from his frugal ways and was taking me for a long deserved holiday (trust me when you have to dance for pension-aged folks, they make you work for every dime they stone you with). Oh well we got to the atlanta airport, all excited and ready for the two hour trip... hmm i should have sensed something out of line while waiting to board the flight....no single black person in sight ...yup even the cleaner was white... but naaaa just wanted to leave atlanta... ok we board the flight and as i am walking through the first class to locate my seat, i notice this look on some faces "has he lost his mind? or maybe he is on the wrong flight...silly illiterate we need to make this tickets in three languages ..english, spanish and ebonics for his likes".... oh well i found my seat and immediately went to sleep (trust me its better to die sleeping...less painful)... well the plane finally lands in New Hampshire..snow everywhere...reminded me of London... unlike the atlanta airport where once u land and u step off the plane u are confronted (ok welcomed) by black folks, none of that in New Hampshire...not a single black person in sight... even the cab driver was white...ok i landed in Manchester, New Hampshire but my final destinantion was Hanover, New Hampshire..about an hour or so drive from manchester.... anyway i finally get to my hotel and the white cabbie gladly informs me my fare is $140 ...yikesssss!!!!.... oh well i offered to strip and give him an Hour worth of dance and $40 cash ...the chap was having none of that and it was obvious the way he looked.... Now trust that punk Miguel to chicken out and pay the man....oh well at least he is consistent... we walk into the hotel and the chap behind the desk (Frank...yup you guessed white) gave me my room card and checked me in... anyway as i walked to my room, i kept seeing more white folks...strange looks like as if i lost my way ( trust me i kept arguing with Miguel...."i think we've got the wrong hotel" but that stubborn nutter insisted we were in the right place). Anyway i decided to take a tour of the city (check out the strip joints or potential strip joints were i can host my gig)...sad to say ..no potential site...the cabbie decided to pick up some more folks on our way (yup you guessed again..more white folks...you are really getting good at this i must commend you )... now i finally sighted what i thought was a black man but on close observation i noticed he was 3/4 caste...
Anyway the next morning, i now realised why this punk brought me all the way here... he had an interview lined up for Tuck B-school. How about we get to the school 45 minutes before time (mind you his interview was for 8am)..ok the doors were open but no one in sight.... i warned Miguell not to walk in but noooooo mr. this is a free country... walked in and scared (you guessed...another white lady) now i suspect this white lady contacted others (Negro On site!!) cause as they kept coming in one after the other they had this " interesting specie" look on their faces. I offered to give them a free lap dance but i guess people dont believe in free lunches here..( Miguel does...that guy has a knack for showing up at peoples homes just when they are about to eat).
Anyway i finally met the first black person on campus ( i suspect she had just gained her freedom) she seemed overly joyful to see me ( "I must make it categorically clear..i have never seen this woman in my life"(remember Clinton and Monica...lol..that guy is a pimp))...we attended one of her class and i noticed three other black people all sitting together, near the doorway ..hmmm quick escape...smart folks!.. anyway after the class i finally had my interview...Yup another white chap.... at this point, i told Miguel there was no use interviewing...told him we stood a better chance of entertaining the ladies there and getting the hell out of the school...but nooooo Miguel cranked up his british accent ( trust me that accent is like light switch... even people that hear it ask if he is from the carribean...lol.. when he goes no i am english ...we all cant help but laugh...pidgin english more like it) anyway before i digress ( i do that a whole lot....dont blame me ...i just have so much to say...its hard to stay structured or defined).. lets just say the interview was suppose to last 30 minutes.... it lasted 5 minutes...oh my what a pain!...just one round of my lap dance lasts 10 minutes...go figure!
oh well after the humiliation this punk ( Miguel) had put me through, he decided on getting back to the hotel, to puff up his bed with pillows, i couldnt understand the logic behind it but the sissy said "just in case they come after us, they'll shoot an empty bed and we'll be safe under the bed" ...me of all people ... Atl's Hottest act on the block.... oh well lets just say i obeyed and under the bed we went... Next morning (phew glad to be alive) we checked out and headed for the airport...Now if you think the drama was over, hmmm you havent Jammed (naija).... how about we get to this "blackless" airport and Fox News is on the TV ..Mind you every one is watching this screen...i mean EVERYONE..even the airport cops... ok some lunatic Johnny Lee out in Texas kidnapped a walmart clerk, coming off her shift...at this point the name Johnny Lee to me can only be associated to a white person...so i told Miguel...this crazy white folks..i bet its the girls ex-boyfriend who kidnapped her.... oh well a few minutes later the news reporter goes "Johnny Lee, an African American ex-marine" oh my goodness ..how i prayed the ground would swallow me right there and then...cos almost immediately all eyes turned on me.... ladies and gentlemen... i thank God for his mercies cos in some countries (yup naija included), these people would have gathered together and snuffed the life out of me and i bet the cop would have shown them a way to do it where no evidence would be found...
My flight back was better cos one of the hostesses was a black (??) lady... (hmm come to think of it she might have been wearing a mask...maybe one of their Affirmative Air Action..remember charlies angels when Drew Barrymore was diguised as an African Chief)
I must add this...if you think Nigerians can gossip...just try the two white ladies that sat infront of me on the plane.... my Goodness.... two hours straight these ladies kept gossiping....it got so bad that the man sitting next to them had to request they move him to another seat... what were they gossiping about you might ask..... naaaa i wont be sharing that.... yeaaa i think i should.... naaaa dont think i can....hmmm oh well ....NOTHING!
i finally got to show off my skills on the plane..yup u guessed its one of those planes without on-board entertainment.... the lady sitting next to me ( probably in her 70's/80s) kept asking for more lap dance and i obliged.... ok woman pay me... the lady started stuttering.... i dont have change....WHAT! change for what? danced 60 minutes straight and you are looking for change? ok give me the $100 dollar note and i'll change it for you.... "Who said i had $100 ... i am looking for change for a buck ($1)).... oh my! the humiliation! ....my pride... sob! sob!!!
Anyway i finally made it back to Atlanta...and as we alighted the plane, we were welcomed by a swarm of black faces ..>GLORY BE TO GOD......
i must say the next time that punk offers to take me on a trip, i'll be picking the destination and activities.
Disclaimer : I am not racist... i have white sheets and pillows.....
posted by Miguel @ 1:54 PM
1 Comments:
At 4:13 PM ,
Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...
LOLOLOLOLOL, is this the same Spicy Miggie? I almost thot 3t's wrote this piece. U're sooooooo funny. Thing is even if u were admitted into that school, chance are u wouldn't have gone, right?
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